A Place to Share
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A Place to Share |
 
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Taylor & Wendy Linda "rheds"! Linda "rheds"! Well, the human part of me fell...NO, I'm not a God, (maskes me tickle pink w/Laughter) Wrong tho it was.... I guess he saw what was/is happening.... Linda "rheds"! Linda "rheds"! Linda "rheds"! Both of us BUT, I LOVE THIS BRAVHEART! It really did harden me...Dif attutude......now Scar saw my furry... Ours was immediatly downgraded....to friends. Linda "rheds"! Linda "rheds"! Linda "rheds"! Linda "rheds"! Linda "rheds"! Linda "rheds"! Linda "rheds"! Linda "rheds"! Linda "rheds"! Linda "rheds"! Linda "rheds"! Linda "rheds"! Linda "rheds"! Linda "rheds"! Linda "rheds"! Linda "rheds"! Linda "rheds"! Linda "rheds"! Linda "rheds"! Linda "rheds"! Linda "rheds"! Linda "rheds"! Linda "rheds"! Linda "rheds"!
It shoulldnt have happened....should NOT have taken place
But, facts R facts....
"Hi, my name is Wendy...And U?"
Nicknames...part of my life...even way back when.
Hey, Taylor....THIS is Wendy...
"Nice to meet you.
Will he even fit...
T A Y L O R.....
Mine...Me...Cuff & Collar red-head
Him..he...As dark Italian as it cums! lol
March 9, '95....
My death...and rebirth...
A grown woman wearing diapers....
Makup...who gave a sheist...
Doctors...Nurses...Therapists
tred to recreate me, the way I WAS...
If they would only...listen.
"I dont wanna b her...She is the selfish, insecure bitSh who put me here!"
To make them happy...to get outta rehab I did everything they wanted!
BUT, I swore that I Would...sleep...when ever I wanted....
"Therapy time" is ALL I Heard....It wasnt the rehab...oh no...
For as strick as THEY were...
The love & support I get from my parents...my daughter...my family...
Is truly unmatched ANYWHERE!
So, if not for me.....for them, then...
Of all the various types of men....I've loved before....lol
There is ONE, yes ONE, who sticks closest to my thoughts.....
................................................and Heart....
Belonged to another woman did he...
This, he even said to my face....In my face...my ears, face.
....I Could NOT let him walk out the door.
He IS SO VERY kind....To this day!
I STILL Love him...more Christ-like, NOT so much the flesh part...
....Period, 'nuf said!
Good saintly name...I call her Cas....4 short.
The devil's got this saint...
That's why I love her so much...
ALL her devilish is fun-loving.
C R A Z Y in a fun-way...
Is HOW I'd describe her....
Been thru 4 men...
uprooted, unconventional ways....make her a Cas to me! :)
She decided she cared for a same species....
That's why I love her....
Does what she wants...when....& With whom.
"If I'm too strong for some people...
....That's their problem!"
See, why I love her so?
...Brush Ur teeth before bed...EACH night
Swipe the tongue with the brush too.
..eat Ur greens...
Ur parents knew what they were talking abt!
Marsha Braady was true...In that 100 strokes each night...made
for shiney locks
...Use a good solid Bristle brush...each night before bed...
It promotes silky like hair...
...Children LISTEN to Ur parents....LISTEN!
...Parents, give them respect!
...what goes around....
.........comes around!
...ALWAYS use a moisturizer....one with a SPF to boot...
...Drink @ least 8, 10 oz. glasses of aqua(water) EACH day...
promotes healthy shin, hair, gtreat fingernnails, whites of Ur
eyes...
makes for an "overall" healthier U!.....
What goes in comes out...In one way or the other!! :)
...MOISTURIZE.....Everything, everywhere reqularly....
...We're ALL placed on this earth...
To make it pleasing to our Lord...
"It really don't matter in the end..." was my thinking...
So, I slouched, Quit working out regularly...
Just quit doing ALL the aforementioned...
AND, I ache....ALL Over!
There is one man...
I never loved in the flesh...
Seems to be...our sharing..
of this nasty thang called a Brain Injury.
That in & of itself, "brings us to another level of
closeness already."
had the pleasure of..
having it occur 2 x.
Diff dayz...Diff occurances,
The game is the same....
As is the outcome!
And the greatest of these, by far...
Scar, has truly become a cherished BIG brother....
...Just like a cherished teddy! lol
I have got to learn to let my guard down with him, tho.
Pre-TBI, NEVER let anybody get so close....
Let alone a man species.
"Never needed ANYONE," was my old way of thinking.
Hard, yes...Burned before, yes...Hurt others @ my own
expense, yes.
Fuvk with this full blooded Italian, Irish, German mix..
This red-head....U'll kmow her wrath :P
He didn't like it, AND,
He didn't stay.
I dont know what I did, or didnt do/say or NOT
do/say....whenever.....?
O well, By-gones they are!
Glad he's in MY corner!
To the many men I've loved before...lol
Travel was easy...since I was in sales!
Dave...in Pittsburgh....great guy....
we shared everything...
Never had that, "male/female" barrier.
Nick...Here in PA...
Wasn't worth as far as I could throw him.
The other Nick...
Was a "love 'em, & leave 'em" kinda fella.
But, alas....he was NOT quite a man, yet!
Jimmy....had to get detoxed first....
I had problems.....of my own....originally.
Mike...my X-husband...
Jen...was the best part of that union.
Danny, or Danny-boy as I refer to him...
Was THE ONLY one who was/is KIND to me.
THIS Frienship is going to be around a good long while! :)
Heaper...My Canadian last life time love....
"Till death us do part."
Part?
I plan on spending eternity right by his side!
Where do I begin....?
ALWAYS There...whenever ANY ONE of us needs him.
Just "Uncle Frank" to most of us clan...
Italian....But NOT, MOB connections!
His is a laughter...
MOST contagious. true, dedicated, loyal Is he.
Workaholic...
Even laid up...He can't find enuf to do...
places to go...people to see.
SO very muscular....Warm & Inviting, too.
There's a "roll-on-the-floor" story here...
Abt: Construction, Holiday Inn, Street Road...
Drive-By....
Tell U....NOT...
Those who are privivy to know.....do!
Everybody just wants to be near his side!
Glad he's in my corner! :)
Didn't...THINK,....I knew some French....
There is a few memories...from my....H.S. dayz.
It took me a solid 4. years...
AND...4 dayz...to come into my mine....ME....Avec Le' fact....
Speaking on the horn...
with my bestest Friend....Gigi....
Something just klicked!
Call it a kick in the TUSH...
NOW....I truly J'aime Moi!
J'm SO VERY patient....
Much more considerate...
More concienscience....
Look the same....
Looks run only skin deep...
It's where U look behind the "pretty face."
But, J'm so much more NICER!
There ISN'T a....mean bone....in mon body.
BUT, CORNER This meow-meow....
AW Man....Do I strike back....
You best run for cover....
A lashing w/my tongue....
is the extend vous'll get....
Be forwarned.
J'm pleading w/U NICELY....
Before it gets to....
You seeing This...
Red-head's fire....
And spit fire, J'DO!
I'm so NICE....
J' make myself....sick!
She was my first baby...But...
I didn't give birth to her!
A generation gap betweex us......
"You'd NEVER know of it," tho...
Is it...because of my raisng techniques...
or....is she too smart for....her own britches?
whichever the case...
All worked out rather well...
Mom got her MUCH needed sleep...
Gina had a playmate...
I was truly entertained! :)
Over the years....
Thru every boyfriend, every period....
Whenever she wentout to a party, or a date...
In that car.....My heart went too!
Even to this very day....NOW, it's a 'live-in'
This, too has it's
ups...and...
downs.
Closest friends....we are!
And...will remain...
She resides in Colorado,
Me.......in PA...
The miles can't....
Deminish....these sisterly feelings
The world doesn't come to a hault because of "your" problems...
People...may grieve....for awhile....
But, it's back to life as normal!
My WISE OLDER Aunt taught me this!
Live & Let live...
Bettles tune, for sure...
And, You have to let die.....of course.
Hear them ALL out...
Before you interject.
MY 12 year old taught me this 'subtle' lession...
It goes both ways...
a nony & A BI person...
AGE doesnt matter!
Just treat everyone as you'd want to be treated!
What a much nicer world we'd live in....
Be more Christlike...today....
Just for these 24 hours! :)
ALWAYS was WAY-too fast...
STILL Am way-too fast....
The BIGGEST difference NOW....POST TBI....
Is, I'm listening WAY very much quicker.
See, U "hear" our Lord...
Listen with....Your heart!
Then, your ears 'hear' thing unbelievable...
YES, 'unbelievable,' I say!
What a difference a day makes...lol
That's as the saying goes.
Hold's alotta truth....
Scar, my great friend said to me, once,
"Listen with Ur heart..."
Ain't THAT the truth! :)
Try, as I might....
With ALL the images....
Catholic school portrayed....
I couldn't see Him that way...
Dark/gray hair....hazel eyes.....olive complected skin....
Yes, He's weather-beaten...
Sagging beyond human recognizablilty...
I am still...
Looking forward....to my place in His kingdom ...
STILL, but, I love Him just as He did me...
Enuf, to spread His wings....& die....
Offspring, is why I don't...
'SHE' WOULD NEVER UNDERSTAND....
But, He is the ONLY man who...Loves me enuf to die for me!
ONLY....What goes around....comes around!
From my confortable seat, I witness.....
My Italian Jesus.....Mine!
Thirty five yrs. old...
Been there, done this...
All thruout my human existance.
But, it took me TWO brain injuries...
To realize...
He loved me SO, SO Very much...
He spread His arms...
To envelope Humanity,
Thru the crunch of the metal....
Into EACH wing...
Wince only once...
At the moment of blood curdling pounds...
The dove...
DIED for my sins.... My Daughter just received...
His gift of the Holy Spirit.
Veronica is who Jen has chosen.
Verinoca, whiped the face of Jesus....
At His worst moment.
Jen, I know from living with her...Jen,
IS AS STRONG as her selected confirm-name!
Mom, Dad & Jen...share same roof...
Because...of NO FAULT...of their own.
BUT, point a finger...
Even sweetheart, 12 yr. old, Jen....
They NEVER.....have!
Four years is a VERY long time.....to deal.
ADJUST...to the "new" me...they have had....to deal...
I used to say...."if they don't like me...that's their problem"
Little did, stupid me...know...EVERYONE like/loved me...then!
NOW...I gotta step lightly....Who knows WHAT could set me off..?
Did I have a rude awakening......Assisted Living
Was a threat My Patents....hung over my head!!!!!!!!!!!!
Boy....Do I have it GREAT here...NOW!
My Daughter...Me....Please don't...I'M BEGGING YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I HAVE to make some MAJOR adjustments....in the 'new'
me.....PRONTO!
Just have come to some major adjustments myself...
The new 'me'...The 'BI me.'
Caught between a rock & a hard place, I am...
Can't ever cry over spilled milk!
The accident's happened...NOW....to deal!
The "old" me AND, the "new" me I have liked....
Must be an 'off' day, 'at's all!
Can see, similarities...in both of us....
DUH! It is one, and the same, "me!"
It's gonna take, me awhile to....love new me....
I'm just nearing....the like part...myself!
CANNOT....Move on to the...LOVE part.....just yet.
How, can anyone else love me...
If I don't love ...the 'new' me...NOW?
I love & miss the "old" me.
WHY? Do I treat....those I LOVE......so God-awful...Bad?
AND....I should have the UTMOST respect for....
My Mom, my Dad, my Daughter....
Those who share the same roof...
But, since my BI......I seem NOT.....to have any control...
AND, that is...such a lame...excuse!
Of the words that roll...off my tongue.
NOW...Im apologizing...TWICE...for my outbursts to begin ...with.
THEN....the icing on the cake...
"I am NOT a child!!!!!!!!!"
However, the tantrum that follow....each time...I gotta be!
NO WONDER they treat me as if I'm two.
I NEVER would do THIS in public...NEVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Brain injury or not...
I do NOT have respect for MYSELF...
Way-let alone for them...MY FAMILY!
She was christened.....Jennifer Marie.
Her confirmation selection...was all her own.
They made her study...
all these different saints...In school.
She tossed around This...and That...
Does it flow smoothly....
Well, this HAD to be a consideration.
But, Jen settled...
On WHAT the saint stood for....As a person.
What she is known for...
Takes a lot of courage....strength.
Even through His persecution...
Among the riducule, the taunting outbursts...
Veronica went thru the crowds...
Dodging people...
To get to Jesus.
Enduring the weight...of the cross...
He did this, for OUR sins...
Veronica KNEW this...AND onward she had to go.
To wipe the pouring sweat...
From Our Lord's face.
Last night,...
On my way up to my room, my puter...
Reached the 5th step...
Flooded I was...
With the kna-new second original mishap.
Memories rush into my brain...
I was scared...
It was to happen again...
That I may loose my footing...
The seconds became an eternity of fright.
I swore, a 2nd brain injury will not happen to me....
Skeesh...
The first one takes ALL my energy!
Thoughts STILL haunt me...
On the back burner...
Remain of my GOOD friend Scar....
He was misfortunate...
Or fortunate...depending on HOW...
You wanna look at it!
To have suffered it twice...
I even questioned him once on this...
"Wasn't one bad enough?"
But "deal, I will; survive, I must."
Was his saying...
I never knew WHAT exactly he meant...
NOW, I have...
A better understanding of it!
Took a nasty...
Fall, down only about 4/5 stairs...
The kicker, tho...
Over the banister, I went...
And like a cat...
I did NOT land on my feet...
As much as I think I was a cat in a past life.
My head kissed the ceramc tile floor...
My body reacted VIOLENTLY...
upchucked all over...
Afraid I was...
My mom had to help me walk....
Totally disoriented...
Jumbled were the words...
That tried to come outta my mouth.
All I wanted to do...
Was sleep, but no, I wasn't allowed!
After abt 30 minutes...
I said to myself,
"Self, You NEED professional help"...
Not many things frighten me....
Only, the thought...
EVEN the remotest thought...
Of another Brain Injury...
Scares me to death!
Believe me...
"I won't do this again!"
I survived the first one...
I AM A SURVIVOR!!!!!!!!
I really believe that Im on a "survivor's mission."
I feel this inner need to alert the world...
To the dangers of a TBI...mild BI....a BI in general.
Im at my MOST impressive NOW, as is!
I have all this...
built up inside me.
To the point of no return...
Once its spoken...
Can't take it back!
The damage is already done!
Nobody to blame...
But me, for my indignation.
I used to think...
You can't hide behind words...
Words ARE an expression...
Of who you are...
Or, of whom you have become!
The words ARE the me...
As my memories remember!
BUT, as I look in the mirror...
She looks the same...
I remember that...
I liked, even LOVED her.
As the image stares back...
Because of the memories, I love her.
But, she is no more!
Only, post TBI...
Four years I should be...
Used to her!
BUT, I hate her!
Who would have EVER thought...?
That Id meet so many!
They come from ALL over the globe...
The United States, Ukon territory...
The Orient, Europe...
Africa, Australia, Findland...
For the simple cost of my ISP, per month...
I have traveled the world!
ALL of us....
Have one thing in common...
Our words!
They dont know Im brain injured untill I tell them!!
Tappita, tappita, tap...
So many people...
BOTH non-BI,
AND those of us fortunate enuf...
To have suffered a BI!
Our relationship started about 4 years ago,
Almost my TBI anniversary,
SOON after my MVA, I started...
The much needed Physical therapy.
The man who stole this gentle heart...
Is a Daryl, too...way up in Canada, tho!
When I first started with THIS Daryl...
My parents had to carry me in....
One on either side!
It didnt happen over nite, Oohh no...
Little by little...
You have to walk...
Before you can run...
I have met some WONDERFUL people there...
Seen many a physical therapist come...and go!
ONE thing that is surely a steadfast thing...
EVEN thru the "the woman's curse" time...
Cuz, I can be a bear!
You dont wanna mess w/this red-head...
Daryl's friendship is so way-tru! :)
It seems that's all I do!
My speech problems can't shut me up,
Type A all the way!
The puter is my means,
to let them know,
there's a full-blooded American girl here!
Denmark, Florida, Canada
California, Asia, North Dakota
We all speak, or type...
the universal language.
They all are very surprised,
when I tell them, I'm brain injuried.
Words are the expression of me,
I can't hide behind them.
Joy, sorrow, extatic outbursts,
All can be typed...
Can be expressed,
You just have to make,
the words have feeling!
Because of my speech problems,
I express myself thru my words.
Poems...Well, if you wanna call them that!
Is how I let out my emotions.
Behind this person who...
Had the misfortune...
of an ABI,
Is a living, thinking, "I wanna shout out" person
I am the same friendly, bubbly, outgoing
Person post ABI, as pre.
I hope this is conveyed...
In my words.
Tappita, tappita, tappita
They dont make a sound, however,
Save for the click of the keys.
I can only do my best...
To make them "say",
What I'm feeling.
Others have gone before me,
This I know.
Just gotta wait my turn,
Till God gets off His duff...
And re-creates me again.
Try as you might,
You can't hide behind,
even those words...
The truth comes out.
Every emotion you feel,
Joy, sadness, a broken heart
A tragedy, a judgemental impulse
Be it a radiant positive outburst,
Is expressed, everytime.
Try as you might,
No, my sweets,
The words can feel it.
Dad...can be a PITA.
Nick, my brother...strong-minded dead head.
Nicky, my nephew...just spreading his wings.
Uncle Frank...my dad away from home.
Daryl, Heaper...one in the same.
Who stole this gentle heart.
Danny-boy...far away...a voice on the phone.
Long-time (11 years!) friend.
Charlie...kool surrogate brother.
SlickRick, Bif, Rons1998, SleepyJoe, Sagasha, Mike, Scar
( whoever else I left out!)
My cyber friends...VERY glad I can call them friends! :)
Two different puters...
Two different worlds.
Same...One, heart.
Playing those games,
All lovers play.
"What's your favorite..."
"Oh, mine to" kinda thing!
A brain injury...or not,
It's the words...
That make us common.
Some have speech deficits,
but, with typed-written words,
They don't have a sound!
Communication is...
The name of the game.
Emotions can be typed.
More & more...
The net is THE place....
It's all happening.
You gotta be careful, though.
He's a he and,
She's all she's cracked up to be!
Just maybe,
The he & she,
Will then become...
A "we."
Since my Brain Injury,
I appreciate all the little things,
In life now.
Pre-TBI, way too fast,
To pay heed to our Lord.
He wanted to be sure...
That I took the time...to listen.
Slow me down...Listen...did He?
Heck, He halted me.
Just gotta take it ...
One day at a time. Lord give me strength,
To make it...
Just for these...
24 hours!
Why do I wake up...everyday?
"Why?" I often ask myself.
Out of all the people,
In our family...
What makes me the strongest?
My aunt tells me I am,
But I think, she has the wrong S word.
I think it's S for stupid,
I had it all...
Then, in one split second,
It was all gone!
POOF...Just like that.
I made it all dissapear!
No one to blame...but me!
My gate, my speech,
My pretty handwriting, my mind.
I'm NOT trying to temp God,
"You did it once,
Create me again"
I was pleased the first time.
Please create...
Or re-create...
Me again!?
Please?
Who am I to play God?
There's a reason,
A master plan.
Far greater than any human
Can comprehend.
There's a BIG picture,
Our eyes can't see.
But, I know I'm part
Of that BIG picture.
Be it a sofly spoken word,
Or a harsh, malevolent outburst,
A gentle hug,
A passionate kiss,
The game I took the time,
To play with a child.
The words we typed,
The ring I accepted.
The future promises made.
I have touched somebody's life.
One way or another,
It's all part ...
Of that BIG picture.
You can't go yet...
It's not your time.
You have work left to do.
He will call you when your finished.
Until then, you have other lives...
Yet to touch.
My Mother, my friend Linda "rheds"!
She understands me,
knows exactly what I'm trying to say.
Words, sometimes are not easy for me.
But, one look at me,
Words unspoken, she has a way.
Call it 'woman's intuition,'
Call it what you want,
But, she has it!
My great friend she has become,
For I can tell her anything.
Sometimes, I forget...She is my mom!
My Father, My father
Where do I begin?
He pushes me when I think my get & go...went.
He always does it with a smile.
He is learning to give me an explaination,
Instead of, "just because."
Sometimes, I don't know whether,
To smile, or to laugh!
His sence of humor...floors me!
He is wise, intelligent, and willing
To pass on what he knows!
There are times, he can be such a nudge!
But, I just smile, and remind myself,
It's because he loves me.
Are all dad's like mine? Linda "rheds"!
You are not the first Linda "rheds"
The ACCIDENT'S happened...so deal.
Thing are so different...than before!
My voice, on hiatus...for now.
My priopreoception ain't what is used to be...for now.
Friends have stayed by me.
All awaiting for me...to arrive.
Other's have gone...before you,
You, as sad as it may seem,
Are not the first.
Probably, won't be the last.
And, I can honesly....say,
That, this I wouldn't wish...on anyone!
Aunt Sal Linda "rheds"!
Just like my personality.
Just an "older" version.
History has a way...
Of repeating itself.
Laughing, bubbly, outgoing.
Everyone says, "You are just like her!"
Was there for me at my worst moment.
Day in, day out,
I would do the same for her!
She saw the beauty from inside.
My mom, away from home!
Jen Linda "rheds"
She had almost four years to deal...
She was only eight when my accident happened...
She has been an angel sent by God, to help me along...
Bubbly, outgoing, ALWAYS singing and/or smiling... She reminds me of me! :)
The apple doesn't fall far from the tree, huh?
Outgoing, friendly, does great in school...
Where she got that from, I dunno!?
We've had our "testing the waters," though...
But, I wouldn't trade her for the world...
I'm SO glad she's here!
He knows me! So, he can make promises & guarantees... His words, I have come to trust... Linda "rheds"
He is someone who takes the time...
He wants to get to know me...
He gently prods me along the path...
He's been here before, too!
"It will be behind you"...
He is SO encouraging...
So thoughtful, too...
I just want to spend my life...
With this trusting, caring, thoughtful man...
Daryl, you have become everything to me!
Canada & the U.S. Linda "rheds"
Miles distance us...
Our hearts bring us closer...
Via our puters...
At a designated time...
Sharing our days...
We've become like we're physically in the same room...
Some days, I forget about the distance!
What he makes me feel! Linda "rheds"
I NEVER thought it could happen to me...
I'm not the person I was...Never will be again...
But, he loves me just the way I am...
Brain Injury doesn't "just go away!"
Just when I thought, "Nobody's gonna love me NOW!"
In walks love, true love...
And, of all places, through the tragedy of brain injury...
Who would have guessed?
The TBI chat room is where it all started...
It reached the point of popping THE question....
After learning about him...
I joyfully accepted!
We simply take it one day at a time...
The love, support, friendliness is unmatched...
By anyone I've ever known like this!
Daryl! Linda "rheds"
Daryl is someone I met in the TBI chatRm...
He makes me feel emotions that were dormant for so long...
He helps me think things through...
Before I speak...
He is someone I can bounce ideas off...
Seems MUCH wiser than his 29 years...
He is just so much fun (chatting w/him)...
What's SO kool is...
His mind I knew first...
From the inside out, I guess you could say...
This is a "first" for me...
It's gonna be a last...A lifetime thing!
"Till death us do part!"
34 vs. 29 Linda "rheds"
No...it's NOT measurements your thinking of!
It's the ages of my true love & I...
I'm older than he...
You would NEVER know it...
He has become part of my routine...
I look forward to "our chat" times!
Talk, talk, talk...
Actually, type, type, type!
So much to say...
Those silly "get to know you" games...
All new lovers play!