A Place to Share

WHAT YOU DON'T KNOW CAN HURT YOU!
I didn't know when I first held you that
I should have run from the hospital with you.
I didn't know when next I held you that
you had broken bones and lived in terror.
I didn't know that when I would see you next
you would have survived your first Christmas on life support.
I didn't know about Shaken Baby Syndrome
or how a person could hurt an infant of his own blood.
I didn't know that I would fall in love with your
strength of will and determination to live.
I didn't know how much my husband loved me
until he said that he wanted to be your father.
I didn't know we would have to fight so hard
to become your parents.
I didn't know how you could survive all that you had
and still smile so beautifully.
I didn't know how truly wonderful my children were
until they became your sisters and brother.
I didn't know what the word cognitive damage meant
and that it couldn't be fixed with love.
I didn't know how difficult it would be to watch you miss
so many childhood moments because of senseless violence.
I didn't know about sleeping disorders, impulsive behavior
and self abuse.
I didn't know that when you woke disoriented and beyond reach that
you had painful headaches.
I didn't know how important it would be to teach you to communicate
your pain and emotions.
I didn't know that family and friends could not
understand your needs.
I didn't know that we would be in crisis, isolated
and overwhelmed by helplessness .
.I didn't know that I would beg God to stop time
and keep you forever at three years old.
I didn't know that I would be so angry
with God and the entire world
I didn't know there were so many extraordinary people
that would give so much to help you.
I didn't know that each day I would admire
your strength and determination.
I didn't know that you would amaze everyone with your
ability to eventually learn skills that came so easy to others.
I didn't know how wonderful it would be
to watch you run and jump at the beach.
I didn't know that you would have a great sense of humor
and become an incredible athlete.
I didn't know that you would give me more
than I could ever give you.
I didn't know so many things
-thank you for teaching me.

Sandra Mothersell