A Place to Share

Don't be fooled by the faces I wear 'cause none of them are me
Pretending is 2nd nature with me*
I give the illusion that there are no problems within me
as well without**

Confidence is my name & coolness is my game*
My surface may seem smooth BUT BENEATH LYS FRUSTRATION,
CONFUSION, FEAR, GREIF & LONLINESS**

I panic at the thought of my weakness and
I FEAR BEING EXPOSED*
So I portray a non-chalant, sophisticated facade of masks
that help me to pretend*

I'll drop my masks ONLY if it's followed by TOTAL ACCEPTANCE
and
LOVE**** Then I'll feel worth something**

This will be my salvation*
It assures me of what I can't assure myself*

I'm scared that you & other people will think less of me
because of my weaknesses*
Therefore I play my games with false assurance on the out side
yet a trembling child within L*

I chatter to you in suave tones that tells you
nothing yet every thing*
When I'm going thru' my routines,PLEASE LISTEN
CAREFULLY & TRY TO HEAR WHAT
I CAN'T SAY MYSELF*

I dislike the game I'm playing* I'd rather be THE REAL ME**
Please hold out your hands & wipe away the dimly lighted
blank stare of breathing death by showing me your bright
mystifying light of beauty, even if it's the
last thing I seem to want**

Each time you are caring* compassionate* understanding*
patient* & kind
MY HEART BEGINS TO AWAKEN FROM A
DEEP SLEEP OF FEAR, CONFUSION, FRUSTRATION & LONELYNESS &
IT STARTS GROWING WINGS OF GREAT BEAUTY***

You can tear down my trembling walls*
You can break into my world of panic, confusion & sadness*

I'll make it very hard for you*
The nearer you approach me the further away I'll retreat*
YOU WILL NEED A VERY STRONG HAND & HEART
FILLED WITH PATIENCE***

Who am I you may wonder? I am some one you know very well* I am every man and woman you meet******

PLEASE DON'T PASS ME BY!

Queen Barbra

People & Me ( A TBI Survivor)
I'm new so please bear with me!

One of the biggest problems I face( An Invisible Walking Wounded) is when people think , when they talk and/or see me that's nothing wrong with me. But what they don't realize or care to find out, is that I'm a sick woman who's reaching out 4 someone(s) friend(s) n a man who loves her 4 what she's. I find that a lot of people play judge, jury & executioner without finding out the true facts from the source.

I have so much love, compassion, caring & an abundance of kindness & friendship to give. I'm more than willing to treat a person 4 who they are. It may seem selfish but I expect the same treatment. I judge a person 4 what they have inside themselves

Ever since I got this evil disease, I've been taken advantage of n knifed in the back.

For the last 10 yrs. I knew I had brain damage n thought it'd disappear in 2 yrs. & then I wouldn't have to take pills, wouldn't have to see DR.s, wouldn't have to have a Visiting Nurse, wouldn't need a Home Health Aid n THE BIGGEST WOULDN'T HAVE SEIZURES & MY SHORT MEMORY WOULD BE THE WAY IT USED TO BE & GO BACK TO BEING A PROFESSIONAL ACTRESS ON OFF BROADWAY & BE A PROFESSIONAL MODEL.

After reading the materials that The Brain Injury Association of Minnesota, I realized that all the things I wanted to happen never will. Then I became extremely angy. That's why I've got regressed anger & in total denial of everything that's associated with brain injury. One part of me admits that I need professional help. I go to a special school called TBI Metro. There I attend a class of 8 brain damaged survivors. The class is call Structured Day Program run by Behavioral Analysts.

One day at school, while I was waiting 4 my medical transportation, someone came up to me n said thus " In time u'll learn to rely on your present strengths & abilities instead of relying upon the past. Which I .humbly, admit I'm guilty of without any show of a doubt.

This may not make sense....If any part of this message or the whole thing doesn't stand to reason, I'd really appreciate it if someone would email me & tell me so.

Thank u to whom ever reads this,

Queen Barbra email bgottstein@black-hole.com

Guard Your Special Moments
Guard your special moments**
They are like uncut diamonds**
Discard them and they will remain no more**
Improve them and they will become
the biggest and brightest
gem in a useful life*

Barbra Gottstein bgottstein@black-hole.com