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M.S."Pearl"
Email M.S. Pearl

TREE AMONG A FOREST
Visionary

Mentor

Compassionate

Understanding

Support when storms hit

A smile you shared when our days and nights seemed endless.

Seeds of love you planted that gave forth a luscious forest, its tree branches provide shade and a serene place that became our abode.

Streams echoed melodic sounds, the sounds of loving voices, as the sound of water flowing over soft, colorful river rocks.

A soothing to our souls is the beauty of all those we came to know and love in our newfound haven of safety, tbichat, a place you provide for all those that yearn to be understood and to flourish.

"Image of my friend"

A friend to many

A peer,

Image of a Friend I have come to know.

"Sagasha"

Pearl
Copyright: 1997-2002 Pearl,M.S.
8/4/02
(Short Version)

ARTISTS WITH BRAIN INJURIES
Short and Long version of : Tree Among the Forest

TREE AMONG A FOREST
(Long Version)

Joy of Being. Expressions of gratitude flow freely as I continue on my newfound Journey of Life.

Bridges I have crossed and as I ponder, I see not the sadness of a friend left behind, rather I treasure the footprints of impressions left by you that became imbedded in my heart as I reflect the beauty of your soul.

At times the brevity of your expressions makes one ponder, however you discerned my thoughts and captured the essence of my Being.

A man of few words, yet your words of encouragement, enables one to look deep within, causing a refinement of our soul.

An extension of your being is felt and rekindles within us deep seeded emotions of compassion and understanding.

Sharing with you treasured moments we experienced as we Travel in our journey causes joy and contentment knowing you have watched us refine our skills.

As I continue on my path and cross bridges, the experience compares in thought and purpose to the bridges that Monet had in his gardens.

Gardens and bridges he not only painted but sought comfort and serenity in solitude that soothed his soul.

So is the calm that befalls me, as I venture now to paths that keep opening with beautiful surrounding, and newfound friends.

You are indeed the energy that flows thru many that have come to know of your kindness and thoughtfulness.

As I stand in my own garden, words and thoughts that come to mind in times of solitude, define the beauty of your soul:

Visionary

Mentor

Compassionate

Understanding

Support when storms hit

A smile you shared when our days and nights seemed endless.

Seeds of love you planted that gave forth a luscious forest, Branches provide shade and a serene place that became our abode.

Streams echo melodic sounds, the sounds of loving voices as the water flows over soft, colorful river rocks.

A friend to many

"Image of my friend"

Your dedication and perseverance is the core of the many qualities you possess and share.

A haven of safety, an abode, you provide for us.

Its creation or embryonic stage grew as all that contributed towards making it what it is now,

Home among peers, Tbihome.org.

We have come to know, respect, and admire all those that became integral parts of our Journey of Life post TBI/ABI.

Thus we have reaped understanding in our journey of survival, thru effort, dedication and devotion, along with tools that cultivated the soil where your seeds of love became fertile and thus reaping its fruitage.

Though many of our peers have gone to venture into other paths, all became cornerstones in our foundation that was reinforced once we accepted our new way of being, rebuilding our life post brain injury.

Their courage and strength we carry within us as they stood alongside us when we sought answers and comfort as we faced the realities of life with brain injuries of loved ones.

So it was I came to know my friend "Image of A Face Unknown"

At times it seemed as if we stood at the edge of a cliff.

Cliffs we all once peered over to see the valley and rivers below, yet it was those familiar cliffs, where we took to flight to find our own fertile grounds to carry seeds that would germinate in hearts, nurturing the friendships gained and discovering new horizons.

As the winds carry seeds that germinate beneath the stature of the trees in a forest,

So it is your love and caring opened new paths for us to venture.

As birds pollinate the flowers, that bloom in the spring and blanket fields with beauty, color and variety,

So is the beauty of your soul.

A peer,

My friend,

"Sagasha"

Pearl
Copyright: 1997-2002 Pearl,M.S.
8/27/02

ARTISTS WITH BRAIN INJURIES
Short and Long version of : Tree Among the Forest

DEPTH OF EMOTIONS
With anticipation I awaited to be with you again as if to confirm that our finding each other once again was a reality not a dream!

Depth of Emotion is shared in that energies seem to be transformed and a fusion occurs that dynamically arouses ecstasy.

Sheer delight surrounds us, which lifts our spirits and become one in thought, filling what was an empty vacuum.

Finding you again in my path, is to come to know joy, satisfaction and happiness beyond description.

Heart pounded with excitement the moment I read your delightful words of warmth and kindness.

We both precariously approached each other as if to be walking on eggshells so as not to disturb the aura of the rare moments we were experiencing.

As each second passed, we realized we had found each other after longingly awaiting for that moment, we both thought had been lost forever.

Embers of our love were ignited once again to become no longer extinguishable but to burn eternally in our heart, mind and soul.

We embraced without a word, feeling the depth of emotions and knowing that this time we would never part, though in spirit, but its reality became an unbreakable bond.

Ecstasy abounds like the vastness of the skies above, knowing the aura we created and immersed ourselves with, magnifies the beauty of the love we share.

Time gone by was the capsule that held such hope of knowing our love had endured and now we walk together in our journey to fulfill dreams together.

Carried you in my heart securely, with memories of time gone by yet were the beginnings of new horizons we discovered and shared.

As a wanderer, I stumbled onto a path to find among the wild flowers, an antique pocket watch its owner had no doubt cherished and misplaced.

Etched beautifully in silver and gold with a pattern an Artisan would only have delicately created, today it seems as if he designed it just for you and I.

Auras created with our enduring hope.

Embers reignited with our love.

Pearl
Copyright: 1997-2002 Pearl, M.S.
7/27/02

SEEDLINGS ALONG A WOODED PATH
The beauty of your soul and your caring, brings back memories of a time when I would stroll along a path in a wooded area watching the sun set against the tree filled slopes, in the countryside.

The silence all around, surrounded by the natural beauty, caused an inner peace and tranquility. As one stands there, the landscape fills one with admiration and appreciation of even the tiny seedlings, that have sprouted undisturbed, and to think that from a small seed, it brings forth grandiose trees that give off their soothing shade below as the sun rays gently filter thru and nurture the new growth below.

So it is that in our hearts, seeds that have found a place to be nurtured and slowly over time, the seedlings that have rooted, become like the stature and magnificence of the trees in the woods that give off comfort and refreshment with their leaves and shading.

I have come to feel such comfort by the seed you planted in my heart with your warmth and nurturing of a friendship that developed a strong bond over time, though I had not noticed the seedling had taken root, just recall the smiles and fond memories of times we spent together.

Though our paths crossed, we both traveled on, however the seedling kept growing though unnoticed till today the day our paths met again. With contentment and serenity we walked among that wooded path in spirit. The sunrays of your caring shed forth light to awaken senses and allow me to stop once again and take note of the beauty of a friend that extended loving kindness and warmth.

You walked with me in our path to show me the beauty surrounding us, one that we never left, but it was that I had kept on walking by, not noticing the growth that had taken place over time of your love.

As you walked along side me, this time you have held out to me your hand so as not to let go but to feel the strength and stature of your being filled with sweetness and tenderness, that of a gentle touch and embrace as the twilight begins to set under the tree filled skies above,

the path you now have come to share with me.

Letting go of all worries that at times clouds our path and ability to see the fine seedlings or wild flowers surrounding us, we have bonded once again.

Treasuring each moment shared with you now, nurtures my spirit as you lovingly care for my growth along side you. To create in our love, memories that will be long lasting.

Though our path may encounter boulders that somehow seem as if we can no longer continue along the countryside road, it is our love that will carry us through to seek ways of removing such rocks in a smooth path and feeling once again the smoothness below our feet, leaving imprints of our souls.

Together we shall find the peace and contentment of loving and being loved.

Wind
A seed
Fertile soil
Rain
A seedling breaks forth
A love is born.
Our Love.

Pearl

ODYSSEY, A QUEST, A DESTINED PLACE
As I opened your letter, my heart raced with anticipation of the words that seemed to create melodious sounds surrounding me.

My mind as usual, sped ahead with anticipation. I sat at the edge of my chair, clinging to it as if to be sitting at a cliff's edge with the rocky shoreline below. Precariously I kept my balance but the thrill of receiving your letter seemed to transform my surroundings to that cliff I so much longed to see again.

I can feel the oceans breeze as my hair sways, my eyes sparkled with joy knowing that the melodic sounds of your words would take my spirit to heights we had shared. A place of solitude with profound beauty just like that of the universe, radiating with jewels of planets, stars, and moons, all as if to be part of a symphony in an open stage for all to see and hear if they choose too.

Oblivious to whether anyone listened or watched, it is the sharing of such energy and beauty that is rare, so the value of your words.

I clung to each word to savor its depth and meaning. Sayings soothing to the soul like that of the sounds of ocean waves as they crest alongside the shore in a moon lit night.

Every fiber of my soul seems to have been awakened and had stimuli to such intensity that takes one away as if wings carry our soul to a haven of safety only our minds' eyes can perceive. Your acts of thoughtfulness, understanding, and kindness triggered such a utopian experience.

Your sharing has opened new paths for my soul.

Each thought, each word, sank deep into my heart to allow the emotions to flow like that of a stream. Few have come to know and understand me as you do now.

An impact so profound, as I recalled minding my surroundings previously that had at times held me captive in an attempt to keep my expressions shackled. Tears washed away the darkness of the past memories, shedding forth-new light.

Freedom I tasted in your words, the rejoicing of my soul in the truthful words you shared, the exhilaration of my heart to have come to meet a soul that in a different place and time had walked my paths and we both had found ways to survive and to create within that tranquility of our inner souls, our writings, our dreams, our intensities of life.

"Keepers of souls" have broken spirits, but somehow they did not kill our soul, our spirit, our yearning to BE.

Hours have passed since I opened your letter and yet that dimension of sharing and of caring keeps on playing the melodious sounds in my mind.

A path to a Garden, a hidden garden where fragrances of the flowers reign and the textures of varied hues of greens against the multitude of flowers blanket the grounds as if to revive within us our existence or presence of our being.

Beauty surrounds us, the star filled skies above twinkle brighter than before as your letter has found a special place in my heart for my healing, for my soul to draw upon it as each moment carves for me new paths.

Interwoven fibers that are weaved to create serenity that inspires and fills my soul with tranquility.

Your words, encompassed depth of understanding, and intuition so as to set my soul free to BE, to LIVE, to LOVE as I knew could be possible.

A soul who crossed my path, who peered deep within my soul to discover the gardens, the streams that flourished, yet had been hidden in a valley where others had not ventured. A place of safety shared only with those that have established and envisioned such gardens, streams and cliffs. Visionaries of their own odyssey or quest, searching for such a place or a moment to be shared. A rewarding experience of a lifetime that keeps on finding the depth of souls whose spirit has cried out and has been heard.

Seeds of caring are planted and watered by others who seek to find their Being in pastures of beauty. No longer wandering but growing with the changes. All it took was for a soul to extend a kind gesture and sooth our soul with words of courage, of hope, of dreams and realities.

An Odyssey, A Quest,
A Destined Place Found.

Pearl

Gardens of Beauty
Seasons come and go year after year, leaving memories that enhance our enjoyment in life.

So it was this spring morning that somehow seemed so unique.
I watched the birds chirp and dance freely from tree to tree, so many as never before had visited our garden.

The brisk cool morning, seemed to heighten the beauty that surrounded me with new foliage that had broken through, the rose buds that had opened to show their beauty and the array of colorful wild flowers, a refreshing sight indeed.

Rejoiced at the site of the varied textures and hues of colors in the garden our hands had nurtured as we felt its serenity and calm.

Suddenly the most beautiful butterfly appeared, with rich colors against the velvet black on its wings like an artists' pallet. It fluttered its wings coming ever so close. The moment elated all my senses to enjoy the beauty my eyes beheld.

As the butterfly flapped its wings gracefully as if to create melodic sounds I stood still watching so as not to disturb the rhythmic patterns of its wings. This moment with its essence recalled to mind two unique and extraordinary experiences that captivated my mind with the richness and depth of such treasured memories:

My memory of Janice Blu years ago, being enthralled in the intricacy of the artwork as she saw the exhibit of Fabreges' Varied Art Collection in display at the LA Museum of Art. Her intrigue was focused on the Fabreges' eggs adorned with precious stones in the encased domes.

The colors, the artwork he had made for him by artists that were never to be given the credit individually for their master pieces. Yet one could not walk away and be awed at such beauty.

So this spring morning shared its beauty.

Another such memory was to observe the love of a man towards his long time spouse that laid in coma. The tender caring he expressed towards his wife is to see the beauty of love.

For 28 days, daily he came to her bedside, where he would wash her beauty as tears came down his face. Words cannot describe the essence of their love as it filled the room with warmth and embodied his soul.

Like the sounds of running water in a creek, so it was the sound of this quiet man rinsing the towels in a bowl as he tenderly washed the face of his love. He would massage his wife's limbs as if to awaken in her the spirit he knew she had in her and the love she must have given to him. His gentle manner revealed his inner strength of a caring soul whose love, loyalty and faithfulness toward his bride of years gone by.

It was not long before I came to know also when he could not bear the trauma, when he would gently pull the curtains entirely around his wives bed and I could hear his sobs quietly as he whispered to his wife. Cultures apart yet the beauty of such love crossed all barriers and magnified the beauty of love between a man and a woman.

At such times, I could not help but also share in his pain. Within days of our meeting he would kindly come over when it was time for him to leave and without a word would reach out to Janice Blu's hand and gently squeeze it.

A man A woman, their love extended to us the of beauty of human compassion like precious stones.

I came to anticipate his presence by his footsteps in the next bed that Janice Blu laid also in coma.

We would smile and shake hands each day, by such simple gestures, I came to see the depth of the look in his eyes as if to assure me that he also knew the pain I felt to see my daughter in coma.

The love between this man and woman had produce two children, a son and a daughter that could not bear to see their mother in a coma, and thus only saw them once during the 28 days we were there. To see them fall upon the their knees and weep upon their mothers bed was unbearable.

How I wish upon them blessings for the love they manifested with such richness and depth. Enlightening as the beauty of a garden in bloom.

So it is that today I have gained another treasured memory of someone that crossed my path and shared their love, their caring, their beauty with such depth, my heart and mind was showered with joy and happiness to have experienced such compassion and love that was bestowed upon me.

A courageous, strong soul yet gentle and tender like the couple that had also crossed our path.

In solitude and with a grateful heart, I have reaped the beauty of human compassion and friendship by a unique, kind soul compared to the beauty of my Garden this spring morning as I treasure now 3 fond memories as we all have moved on to other paths.

A unique butterfly in my Garden within my soul.
So is the friendship I now treasure in my heart and soul

Pearl
Copyright: Pearl, M.S.
4/15/02

Spirit of a Soaring Eagle - Freedom
Advocacy for Survivors of Domestic Violence with TBI/ABI

http://www.tbihome.org/members/pearl/personal2.html

Friends have written about their paths and the beauty of reaching hearts and touching souls.

Relearned what it is to have friends that do not turn their backs on us. Others come and go as the changing of the winds, yet it has been the love of newfound souls that reached deep within them to provide the comfort and counsel that opened the doors to freedom as an eagle flies above the skies, soaring with such strength and vision it is not deterred once set on a mission or survival to feed upon the cycle of life.

Freedom of cutting the chains that had kept me in a dungeon of darkness and of pain, which clouded the beauty surrounding my soul. The wind blowing, the sky so bright, all harm is pushed aside as the eagle focuses on its prey to survive and nothing deters the eagle.

So it was the catharsis that gave me the courage the strength to get out from the dungeon of those that had broken my spirit and thought that they had killed such passion of surviving.

To the contrary the more they trapped me in with restraints the more my newfound friends, kept focusing my attention on the beauty I once dreamed of, the freedom of simply being, of caring, of loving, of living.

Years in the making but they did not abandon me. They provide hope and they gave unconditionally simple kindness, without ever demanding or making me feel "I owed them."

Survivor in more ways than one, yet the determination, the perseverance, despite the so called 'rights' of others to try to keep me in bondage for their needs was something I never had within me to do, so it is that the misunderstandings of my being or persona were magnified.

Just like an eagle protects its young at all costs so it was for me to find the paths that have led to my escape and cutting loose the chains that to this day so many keep wanting me to go back to. Never may that be as life was a gift to all of us, and to ever want a soul to be put in chains particularly a fellow peer or human being that has survived, traumatic brain injury or acquired brain injury is simply beyond comprehension.

CONTROL, control..such destructiveness, yet that is the path many thrive on and yet do not realize that to those they want to keep in dungeons or chains, it is their so called prey that become like the eagle with its focus on survival.

Astonished they react to see us free
Shocked as it may that we cut the chains
Yet is it shock or is it the fact that they will be exposed for their cruelty? Guilt? Only they can justify their persona, as this Eagle has no desire to be caught in their traps or nets.

Freedom of fear, freedom of being intimidated, freedom of loving life and letting others live life as they choose.

Chains so cold so harsh, yet words and acts can cast those chains on those that cannot defend themselves due to the very causes that brought us to meet so many like us as survivors.

Misunderstood for not wanting to be put into shackles again, oh but not from arrogance but from surviving as someone that fell into the dungeon of domestic violence.

One like the Eagle protects its young at all costs, so is to that our soul can sense, feel, smell any inkling of being tricked to go back to being chained.

Only those that have experienced such trauma would never dream of causing wounds to bleed again, so it is my desire to share thoughts of my escape so if one soul finds comfort in knowing that despite such overwhelming mental chains many have tried to keep us under, it can be cut loose.

Belittled and also chastised by those that can not seem to understand what it has been to be in a dark cold barren mental dungeon is to reveal their own inadequacies of their lack of compassion towards another human being.

Who then has the chains? But be it visible or not to souls that are set free, it becomes our focus to survive as the eagle focuses on survival.

Bitterness, hatred must be left behind, and a passion to survive against all odds and to repel any being that tries to entrap us by their cunning words or cruelty and betrayal of our trust we once had for them.

Friends, true friends would not harm us, but not all are what they have said they would be to us, in the process of our recovery.

Bruises, scars so deep within our soul, we do not need to be having them punctured and reinjured by those that seek to prey on us based on the knowledge that we once were held captive by a trusted person that once said they had love for us.

Prey? NEVER, victims? NEVER, So why the stigma of being weak? WEAK?
Survivors that have paid a heavy price for freedom of those that thrive on control and abusiveness at all levels and at times unimaginable another human can cause?

Callousness, empty souls that have stigmatized us as not having intelligence. Far from it, is the case, but in silence we move on,

Soaring like the eagle whose strength and vision is unique and it has earned a reputation of courage and boldness and strength.

Pity to us that have fled from the bondages of mental imprisonment is like acid that corrodes metal.

Luster in a soul, as we all were given the gift of life and of flourishing to our potential, so where is the justification of another's' erroneous thinking of superiority because we had fallen into a trap unaware of it's devastation?

How quickly others become authorities on life. How many times have we not been told how inadequate we are, oh if only those times were in numerated, pages or volumes would fill libraries, but to what avail?

How many humans read every book that is published? So it is to know that despite the cruel words spoken to us by thoughtlessness, it is that ability to perceive finally that we too have wings, we too can breath the air that so beautiful touches our face as we fly and ponder on the reality of our newfound freedom.from abusive individuals.

We stand up for our what we have so kindly been taught by others that no we do not have to be made to feel we 'deserve' disrespect or abuse.

A God given right, not by a human who is callous and has the need to feel superior without accountability to the one that bestowed life upon us, our Creator.

So it is the beauty of the joy of being set free mentally.

Reality is the continued barragement of so many that want us to be in servitude and they are the ones that we must always be on the look out for as they have erroneously concluded that we have no ability to survive as at one time we had been caught by deceit and by conniving self centered souls.

A Soul, A Life, A Gift.

If I am to be misunderstood so be it if that is the price that must be paid to never be put in chains again or to close our eyes to those that reach out for help to be set free.

Pearl
Copyright:Pearl,M.S.
4/8/02

Night Sky
In our minds we became one
We shared as we have dreamed
You became the beauty of what
I see in a night sky
The reality of knowing we loved
You thus became my shooting star
As the moon so lights up our path
At times that we yearn to be held
You were there for me

A love, so fine that even the glare of a radiant diamond
Cannot compare to the love we shared
As you took me into your warm embrace

A tear I shed for my loss
As your love will never die inside my mind or my heart,
Thus tears, need not be shed

A soul mate
Such feelings of intensity felt
I still thank thee for the love we shared.

Pearl
Copyright: Pearl,M.S.
10/09/01

Life, Hope, Dreams
Today we are Alive, just as at our birth. Yet now we may ask why? Why?
No need to ask why? We are alive.

Limited YES, But alive! We breathe, we think,
We feel, yet at times we think
This is not life, not living!

SEPTEMBER 11, 2001
Thousands had their lives ended.A life A being A soul
What about their surviving loved ones?
They now may live each second, minute, hour, day, month
Wishing their loved ones could be alive.

Limited we may be due to tbi or bi, Altered lives, yes but not only ours, we have family too.
Yet denial, resentment, fear, hurt, pain can become a shadow
That can cause our souls to stop living!

Our loved ones have. Life, Hopes, Dreams and Feelings as we do too.
Interwoven are out Paths, can't tune it out, as now we face choices we never dreamed we would face.

SEPTEMBER 11, 2001

Our altered lives, Our loved ones
Together we can become a fiber that cannot be easily broken.
Our hopes, dreams and yes to some Faith, A faith that can move mountains
It is their being, their beliefs that live on in history, in yester year, in tomorrows, in our hearts.

Today. No time to ask Why?
Tis a time for Dreams, Hopes, Faith.
These components mend a broken heart, a broken spirit, in shattered souls.
LIFE,. HOPE. DREAMS.FAITH
The underlying force that changes lives.

SEPTEMBER 11, 2001
Individual choices, will we reach out to mend lives, dreams and hopes with those that cross our paths?
A hand stretches out trembling, reaching out in hope for someone to care.

Such a soul took my hand,
Life Dreams Hope Faith Renewed
A New Path

Now a chance to share such expressions of love to someone's trembling hand that may cross our altered path.

Pearl
Copyright: Pearl, M.S.
10/17/01

Capere - Techniques of Survival
As in an instance of time, or a ray of light, we recall what life was before our brain injuries. Emotions are triggered, but suddenly the moment becomes enmeshed with the reality of today.

Regardless of the various effects it has on us, at times it seems smothering or as if that moment encloses us with no escape. Time stands still, tears, sadness, and grief swells within us. The realization of that moment may create intensity yet that same energy or electicity reflects the virtues, characteristics and courage required to face our new being as survivors. Resilience, perseverance, endurance and courage are apparent.

Capere - to seize, lay hold of, contain. It is as if we have contained or seized in a caplsule the day that altered our lives. The reality of events so vivid in the minds of our family and friends is the challenge placed before them as well as ourselves.

The healing process and adjustments made materialize as we begin to internalize ways and means live with our residual disabilities or impact of living with brain injury.

The driving force to live and survive is within us all.
A viable seed has been planted in our hearts, mind and soul.
As we walk our individual paths, seek to attain the peace within us to cultivate that seed to ease our pain and find peace within ourselves.

In Nicomachaen Ethics, Aristotle said, "to be conscious that we are perceiving or thinking is to be conscious of our own existence."

Despite our limitations, be it hidden or apparent, may we say,
Vivere! To Live!

Treasure our existence!

Pearl
copyright:Pearl,MS
6/30/01

A Mother's Love
(Dedicated to a Kind Soul - Someone that changed our lives by caring,G.F. Univ/Hospital)

With gratitude for the caring you have shown to Blu
Your sincere concern and time you give to
Reach within the hearts and minds of survivors of TBI/BI.

A Mother's Love

Demands on you due to Time and Responsibilities
Have not allowed you a chance to find
A place for you to weep for your loss

One who loved you, Cared for you, Nurtured your soul

A Mother's love

Who could ever begin to understand such a loss?
Caring souls will come your way to sooth the pain.

Time

Time you seem not to find to let your soul grieve and
Shed tears as you recall memories of a Mother's Love

Only you can reflect upon the endless times
Of joy you shared with her, the laughter she filled a room with
The worried looks upon her face at every change in paths you walked in

A mother's hands that wiped tears from your face
When you thought your worlds had caved in,
Yet her warmth and tenderness gave back to you
Strength and courage to meet the various trials you faced.

Thru her gleaming eyes the beauty and depth of her love was manifested.

It is these same qualities you now share with so
Many that come to you with their struggles to survive post TBI/ABI.

How you may wonder?

It is with your skills, dedication and understanding
That goes beyond what is expected of you towards
Those that strive to survive past the trauma of brain injury
Or those that seek reassurance of their abilities to reach goals
They seek to attain against all odds.

Within your being, you now carry the beauty of your Mother's love.
In her heart, she seemed to have known how you cared and wished you could have been by her side.

Like pieces of a puzzle, you came to know just how she felt and
How it was she managed to survive all this time with her illness.

Silent worlds, unspoken words, yet a love within that nurtured souls

A Mother's Love.

Her peace within herself till the end, was what she no doubt would want you to feel, though you were so far away.

Tears I have shed today.

Tears caused by knowing that in a unique way our own struggles and survival can comfort you in a time of sorrow.
Tragedies that somehow bonded us and mend our hearts,
By coming to know we are not alone.

The fact you shared your thoughts about your loss with us is it is like a moment,

Catching a glimpse of a butterfly gracefully going from flower to flower with such serenity,

So it is to experience an interchange of thoughts and expressions of warmth.

May you forever carry in you the love your mother instilled in you

You have shared such caring and love that has comforted our souls
By your kindness towards Blu and I.

Look at the skies above for the rainbow at the end of a storm,
A refreshing sight indeed.
The colors of the rainbow seem to glow and
Shed upon us light towards a new paths,

May you be comforted in your time of need and be showered
With love and understanding as you have
Opened new doors for Blu thru your caring as a "stranger"
That took us in, walked with us in our path and extended such warmth.

You too will meet "strangers" that just happened to cross your path and
Walk along side you enjoying the beauty of the rainbow we
Seemed to have seen from different vantage points.

Beauty surrounds us all in our time of need,
Take the time to let your soul be refreshed,
See the butterflies in the garden, the flowers, all for you to enjoy and

To draw upon such beauty for you to paint your own canvas of life

With memories of ... A Mother's love.

Pearl
Copyright: Pearl,M.S.
3/18/02

Horizons
A night so still, a path lit just for you and I in a hidden road only you and I have shared.

As the sun sets with the gorgeous colors only the eye can perceive
So the day we face realities at times that seem to be of the most intense levels

Yet as we look at the sunset, one begins to recount the wonderful
Joys of life we have experienced sometime in our life.

The smiles and acts that those that cared for us shared in a kind way with us
They placed a rose in a vase that seems to be everlastingly filled with water
Waters that sustain not only the rose, but also our soul
A hidden vase, a kind act or two or three, by some that knew we would never meet again

Yet their smile or kind act for that moment gave us sustenance and a serenity that seemed only for a second But with each second I now treasure, so it is the rose and rose petals that fall from the beautiful flagrant roses.

A time where some think we can no longer experience life, yet it is the power beyond what is normal as ancient Writers penned, is what kept us alive despite the darkness or veil that kept on trying to suffocate our existence.

Suddenly just as the sunset radiates the magnificent colors with the clouds so defined as if transparent, yet so radiant in their glory.

A moment of time, a moment of love, a moment I want to embrace with such feeling that only those that have taken The time to share their most valued commodity. Their time, their love so unconditional yet so reassuring, it is to those that I say, "take my hand, feel the warmth, do not let go as if with a final breath I want to remember the joy you gave me.

As I begin to depart from that moment, tears run down my face, knowing I lived life and had priceless memories yet such profound moments. As the wild flowers blanket a field, so the joys that I had hidden so as to save them for a time in my life, that somehow, I knew I would face.

Today I pick up those hidden wild flowers and yes even those whose petals have withered and some have fallen, but in my mind I recall when they were so beautiful, the buds I hold in my memory is like holding on to a rare, unique and one of a kind relic or treasure, our paths crossing.

A hidden treasure chest that had built up and I never knew it would become my source of comfort. The shimmering light in a winding road where only the stars shine and the still of the night only impresses on us, the beauty of living.

Hidden flowers picked by me, and saved in a special place for me to find in the most deep valley that seems to only capture the moon's shining light of a night so still, against a dark sky that only shimmers with the twinkle of each star.

So my love and my warmth it is I want to shower on those that cared not only for me but for my children. Love and warmth so pure, so simple, yet if you ever walk in that deep valley, where only the moonlight reflects the beauty of the field and the silhouettes of the trees as they sway with the nights air..so may you be enriched by the seed of love and kindness, others planted throughout our lifetime for a time they would gently hold our hands and set our heart and minds to rest. To feel the beauty of life, to know finally that life, yes life no matter how overwhelming it may be.is a gift indeed.

As you shared that gift, it is now I want to tell those that showed me love and likewise shared my love and caring A rose you are in my hidden treasure chest.

Pearl

Prisms - Spectrums Within
As if shipwrecked in a violent storm at sea, at times surviving brain injury
Is like being in the middle of the ocean, staying afloat as the waters
Show their strength, tossing us every which way not being able
To assess our whereabouts without a compass.

Yet our inner soul desperately struggles to regain strength to keep us alive.
Within our selves the hope of being rescued is what creates
The energy required staying alive.

Likewise, the trials we have faced living with brain injury and continue to encounter,
In it self is a tremendous challenge requiring courage, determination and perseverance.

Having experiencing such trials, it thus saddens our soul to see how easily many of us are
Misunderstood, as we all have been at one time or another.

Having read the pain in written expressions of others who have had their
Loved ones suffer brain injury and its impact not only the individual,
But the entire family and friends as we all know too well, reaches deep within our hearts.

To have a place we can consider a haven of safety among our peers, survivors, Caregivers, family and friends is indeed refreshing and at times even challenging.

Yet cannot understand how quickly the feelings of love and caring shown
At the onset of facing brain injury to a loved one, suddenly are shelved away,
As various levels of recovery begin to emerge causing severe strain at times
Within the realm of what we thought were calm seas.
The very sources of safety seem to take us out of our environment as if we were in
A raft trying to maneuver it amidst raging rapids without the oars.

Some survivors never did have to go at it alone, others have had to not by choice but as a
Means of survival, thus in one way or another we have faced similar paths.

Like a rope or a life jacket thrown out to those found at sea being rescued,
Thus respect, dignity, love and understanding is yearned so as to grasp at life once again
As a means of being rescued from the internal struggles
Of accepting our new being and dealing with its reality.

Our efforts at times seem as if we are simply not meeting expectations others have Arbitrarily placed upon us due to our TBI/BI.
Despite our new being, we do not just exist physically, we are beings worthy of respect, love, and understanding as we wished we could envelop these attributes
With all those that have shown such patience and compassion in our time of need.

Thus to be thought of as if our judgment has been impaired permanently without being given a chance to recover, even if it is just half of what we had before,

Is to take the rope or Life jacket away from us as we are desperately trying to hang on for
Dear life against the raging waters, on days that seem so overwhelming,
With what seems as if there is no way out.
Burning desire to be, keeps nurturing our soul in those down days.

Within us as we have gained insight in the process of recovery,
It has caused us to be sensitive towards our loved ones.
Yet at times it cannot be expressed as we battle desperately to keep emotional turmoil Under control as a
consequence of our injury and not to mention medication effects.
The road of least resistance would be the easy way out,

Yet each day we awaken to start over seeking ways to better ourselves realizing
Friends, loved ones or family may forget that we are facing our lot in life and yes,
Exhorting ourselves to reach the goals that we were told could not be attained.

Easy for anyone observing to say what others can do, should do, or not do; yet to often
Our cause of being who we are now is due to TBI/BI.
That simple yet very critical fact seems to become opaque as if to ignore its root cause.

Prisms shedding forth light on dimensions that cannot be altered.

We see in the eyes of our loved one how they feel pain, frustration and even at times Anger as they look at us with our altered lives yet to many it is unbearable,

Though they cannot or will not speak such thoughts or words directly at us,
Silently we weep and our own efforts seem as if they are being submerged under water.
Grasping and fighting for our lives, we seek to find strength to endure.
We know in our hearts that we were kept alive by the grace of God.

We cannot ignore nor can we pretend that our disabilities do not exist.
Just as we too came to accept our deep wound of loosing who we were,
How we wish our loved ones did not have to feel pain as we go through the many stages
Of recovery as if riding rapids, yet we continue to stay afloat.

Silence broken, if only you knew how much we appreciate all those that touched our lives And cared for us as far back as the moment we got to ICU or learned of our injuries.
At times our very being is being subjected to things we never had to deal with before or Even express the words let alone speak such words.

We must continue with the battle waged within our own internal struggles to conquer Defeat or any negative factor as consequences of events we had not control of.

The gift of Life has been bestowed upon us
That very fact keeps the flame burning in our hearts, shedding light on hopes of
Facing and overcoming whatever challenges that may come our way.

Rather than to sulk, we are moved to comfort those that have walked in our footsteps and In time help mend other's broken hearts as we walk along side those
Who suddenly face life as survivors or becoming a caregiver to one.

In such times of turbulence, do not allow callousness to reign, for compassion is what I Would shower upon you were you to ever be in a time of need to heal deep wounds.

Walk alongside me, as I draw from the well of memories we shared and times we had.
All I can do now, is to nurture the soil of a garden I wish For you to bask in.
Share the joy with me as the blossoms bloom.

Accept as I have, Who I am now.

Pearl,

Today I Saw Your Star
Wish I could feel the warmth of your love.
As I walk along the shore this moon lit night,
The emptiness I feel without you is indescribable,
Yet our love continues to grow
Creating a yearning so intense it seems as if
Such ecstasy visualized, the touch, the warmth,
Embraces us like a mirage.

Somehow the beauty of becoming one
Makes me realize how your love
Has lit not only my heart but my paths
By the stars above that seem to be sent by you
To comfort me when I think of you.

As I gaze upon the velvet sky,
The twinkling of the stars glisten
Causing any emptiness to dissipate.

The vastness of the universe, the depths of oceans
Reveal and magnify the beauty and depth of our love.

Yesterday I yearned for such love,
Today you shower me with such love.

Pearl,

Echoes - Emergence of a Soul
Dedicated to all those that have faced or survived any form of Domestic Violence. My heart goes out especially to all those that have experienced this despite TBI/BI. One step towards healing is take a step to reaching out to hold the hand of a soul in pain so it is I hope this writing will touch you and strengthen you to be free like the eagle that flies freely.

ECHOES - EMERGENCE OF A SOUL

The realization of self worth and our existence was the first step in our new path,
A path and life we never knew was possible.
Some cannot comprehend and even scoff at us, presumptuously assuming that we are weak,
And that we must enjoy being controlled or abused.
Have even been told that it is my own fault of such mentality as I allowed it.

Concepts, theories, justifications, easy solutions to those that never lived in such a world.
To be controlled in every move, they have no idea of the horror we live with in our minds.
The crippling effect over time has somehow immobilized the very core of our existence.
The pain so deep and each time we are violated in any way, is like that of being in solitary confinement mentally.
But just as those that endure confinement we too have learned to escape the reality of the cruelty.

At times we go about our lives just through motions as the sadness in our hearts, many would not believe it or think we are mentally unstable, but we know that not to be the case.
We have mastered coping skills unbeknown to even our selves.

Overpowering fear that has been instilled and ingrained in our minds for years,
Does not allow us to see clearly the sheer agony and despair within our soul.
In a silent world, as if unable to speak, we have learned to live in silence.

Echoes of a soul.

Quietly we go about our daily existence, they have tried to break our spirit but,
Somehow we endured and survive as we succumb to appeasing them so as to avoid
Awakening a hungry lion looking for prey.

So it is the devastating effects of the physical pain, belittlement and hurtful words that are uttered to us without remorse by the perpetrator.
Again justified actions by the very ones that said once they loved us or cared for us.

Stop and Listen to the beauty surrounding us as we stand alone in a cold night looking to the skies to see the stars as they seem inanimate but they have comforted us on those nights we had no where else to go or to turn too. They shimmer and shine as if to mend our wounds we have just experienced.

These moments are the times that seem to sooth our mind and souls as they do not condemn us, they do not judge us, they are the creations of a Creator that has not forgotten us.

As a bird pollinates the flowers, so it is that the smallest gesture or kind word from those that do not demand a thing from us, or never give us ultimatums,
But understand the silent world we have lived and they do not tire out and give up on us.

They have heard our echo,
True long lasting friends they have become to us.

Others have expressed concern, but it is all-conditional on their terms.
Hear our echoes, we do not seek to be caged again.
So why must you too demand conditions like the perpetrator who has injured our soul?
Can you not step for one second into our world to understand us?
We did not wish to be controlled; we like you at one time had dreams, succeeded in areas where no one placed conditions.
We yearned to be who we were, just like you.
We just happened to love blindly due to lack of knowledge and love and thus fell into a trap
By the very ones that said they cared.

Echoes within our soul and minds

Can you see now, why trust seems only to come from and given only to those that are long lasting friends?
Not those that want to be recognized and given credit or a grant for feeling pity towards a soul that has been injured.
We are not ignorant or stupid as we are so often called.

Yet amidst this turmoil in our heart we do not breed bitterness or resentment.

To the contrary to be alive and having our echoes heard is to have lived for a moment that would be a dream never to be realized.

It was like a dream come true that we have found friends that saw our wounds, tended them and gave us tools to relearn behavior and to live and fly like an eagle.

Cautious we have learned to be due to false friends, yet just as those gave of themselves to us as strangers or as loved ones,

You have found a friend in me, as I have taken hold of the pinions of the eagle that has taken me out of my cage and freed me from the Bird Catchers trap.

As the mountains reign in their mighty stature among the skies, so now I have felt the joy and beauty of living.
A life without chains on neither my mind nor my soul and no I am not stupid nor ignorant as so many think we are.

Emergence of a soul emancipated and have admitted the realities of the darkness left behind and accepted the love of those that heard my echo and lead me to paths of joy and peace within my soul.

Listen to the Echoes that are waiting to be heard by a kind soul.

They are many and all we asked for is: respect and acknowledgement of our being.

We never lost our intelligence not our desire to live and dream.
That is the mistake so many make when they hear us labeled as: victims.
We are human beings that love life and yet we have survived be it a day, a month or two or a lifetime!

The realization of self worth and existence came to us with a price and we paid it.
We do not owe it to no one but to our a Creator that kept us alive!
As he valued us despite others that think as survivors or those that still live in bondage but deserve what we got yet
Our creator is the one that kept us alive.

To the contrary, even if you read these words and think that you have a prey,

You have never lived our life and thus will never put us back into the cage our so called loved ones thought we would never find another human being that would cut the chains perpetrators put on us.

It has empowered us to reach out and seek to find the souls that are crying out for You and I.

Echoes, A soul, my soul, A soul of someone you may know.

Hear the echoes
No conditions, no ultimatums
Love so as to free a bird in bondage.

Feel the freedom we feel by those that cared enough over this long journey.

Echoes

Pearl
Copyright: Pearl, M.S.
1/8/02

Night Stillness
The night stillness brings about a sense of serenity
Sensing the need to simply be for a moment
To calm the soul of the turmoil within

Facing the reality that our own strength had been depleted
The continual struggle to sustain our spirit so as not to give up
Striving to balance the internal struggles and physical exhaustion
That simultaneously triggers emotional intensities.

Suddenly the stillness of the night, calms every fiber of our being
Reflections of events that seem to heighten the fears of not being
Able to endure the challenges encountered as we try desperately
To accept and to cope with the new changes within ourselves Hidden disabilities or otherwise.

Overwhelming at times, overpowering our inner soul
Thus we are faced with a never-ending cycle.
Acceptance of our altered life each time we encounter setbacks.

It is this very phase that seems as if Time has stood still with no Progress made, yet we have come to master the very steps we have
Rehearsed time and again to keep from falling into the trap of having our spirit conquered by outside sources who do not comprehend.

The tremendous energy it requires each time we stumble is the Very essence and core of our inner being.

Along with the determination and courage it takes
These interactions create the energy that refuels our mind
Knowing we have endured another trial once again
Able to face each step, as we walk in paths others consider too
Demeaning or unbearable yet we have persevered.

To those that do not understand brain injury or deny the realities we face, are like a hand that holds a beaded string.

Watching in motion a string of beads swaying in the air as Inanimate as it may seem,
Each bead has embodied �deep emotions, our very being.
Yet each bead is a challenge we have met and fears overcome.

Their denial is compared to watching them hold a string
From afar as if looking out to outer space where
Stillness, Time and Existence has no limit,

In our eyes that string of beads are like jewels
Radiating the beauty of a soul that conquers adversity.

Seeds that are nurtured and take root in our hearts and mind
As if to start in motion chain reactions causing a Refinement of our soul even causing us joy that only in our still nights we draw energy from so as to
Rejuvenate a broken or a bruised heart.

It is these trials that seem so bleak to those that do not understand
Our complexities so intertwined
To pull careless on this string,
One unraveling of a fiber is
To unleash irreversible consequences.
So it has become a mastered art to be able to distinguish and
Discern each thread of our existence and survival.

So it is I long for the quietude of the night.
Night Stillness.

Pearl
Copyright: Pearl,M.S.
12/29/01

Touch
Anticipation awakened the broken spirit that had encircled me
With gray clouds as I walked along the winding country road.

The wooded area silently displayed the stature of the trees
As they stood, firmly rooted
The beauty of their foliage dissipated the gray clouds.
The scenic path my eyes beheld transformed
My mind echoing harmonious sounds
Arousing all senses.

The sunlight delicately pierced between the branches
Seemed to be reaching out to gently touch my face, to feel its warmth.
Clear blue skies magnified the leaves and their movement
Formed serene and soothing images causing my spirit
To flow freely and capture the moment.

Such is the comfort you give me as I peer into your eyes.
The touch of your hand arouses within me every sensation imaginable
Electrifying yet contained within like the
Fireflies in a deep blue night glowing in their beauty.

So the depth of your love gently embraces me.
As your arms wrap around me,
The longing for you becomes a reality.
Ecstasy fulfilled, such as we knew it would.

As you run your fingers through my hair, our emotions in turmoil
Emerging is the radiance of the sun against the leaves, making them shimmer.
Causing my intensity to flow around you like the energy of the suns' surface
Becoming one, a union felt only with a true love.

And to think that I had thought life had passed me by without a love I knew existed.
We have painted the canvases of our hearts
With our hands and our love,
An embrace
A Touch.

Pearl,
Copyright: Pearl,M.S.
12/13/01

A Rare Jewel Found
My Friend, as a jewel is known for its value, so you are to me one of the finest. The beauty of a jewel radiates energy that one feels within. Admiration of such a creation makes one stop for that moment to ponder on how inanimate creation in retrospect, makes oneself think of the paths we walk.

In our own worlds many times we take things for granted and at times feel we were wronged or cheated or treated unjustly, but what difference does that make when we stop and think how shallow that mentality can cause our hearts to no longer shine or radiate beauty.

That energy of love and warmth we may posses of which we can share with others that we love or that will cross our paths lays dormant at times due to us allowing trivial issues mislead our hearts.

The fact we are alive and that we have found those that have come to love us, it becomes innate for us to reach out and share and shower with love those that have come to be dear to us.

Yet, I feel as I have pondered and examined self motives within, I come to realize that our Creator gave us the finest of the rare jewels, OUR MIND and INTELLIGENCE and OUR HEART. What finer gift can anyone posses?

A jewel can be held in ones hand and we appreciate it for that moment, however our being and allowing the rays from the shining gift we all were given, one's own mind and intelligence along with the heart moves us to appreciated the Creator that made us.

With such gratitude I thus treasure the friendship that I have found in you.
A rare jewel,
My dear friend.

Pearl,
copyright:Pearl,M.S.
10/4/01

An Instance in Time
Moments treasured never to be forgotten
The warmth of our being created such memories
Not only did they touch our hearts
But they engraved in our minds paths so beautiful
Only you and I have known.

To have come to know of such love is
To have experienced Life,
Though only for an instance.

An Instance, A Moment
A Love now just a memory.

Yet it was that Love
That lit an eternal flame within my soul.
One that will forever shine for me
Knowing you too will recall that Instance.

Time stood still for us
As we embodied the essence of our being
Setting into motion the dreams
We thought would never be.

A Love, an instance in Time
Now but just a memory

Yet it brings such joy
That we dared to be set free
Creating reflections that now
Bring smiles as I hold dear to me

An Instance in Time.

Pearl

Overwhelmed-Enriching Experiences
Challenged like you, overwhelmed at times with all that we have to do,
Things we wished we had done or could do, makes it seem as like the more effort is put forth, responsibilities feel as if we are caught in a whirlwind in a fast flowing river,
Attempting to suck us below its waters.

It seems as if we are climbing a spiral staircase, just like those found in lighthouses. However at times the stairwell feels as if it is spinning, we frantically grasp our hands to its walls. A sense of fear or inability creeps in on us so as to hinder and zap any energy we may have left to reach the tower above.

At times like these, the soothing words from a friend are compared to when we utilize our last ditched effort to reach the tower of our lighthouse.

Friends so sensitive to our internal struggle to adjust to our hidden disabilities no one else seems to understand. Yet their words of kindness are the inner strength or electrical impulses that inspire us to motivate our minds to activity and thus regain the strength needed to continue in our journey.

Just like the electrical surge in the tower of a lighthouse that suddenly ignites the deep dark seas and becomes a guiding light to ships at sea.

So our journey is guided by the understanding, caring and unconditional love of friends that energize us to ward off feelings of helplessness, despair, sadness or the heart wrenching thoughtless words utter at times even by those we love, but do not comprehend the extend of our internal struggles.

The demands and obligations of life seem like those pounding waves that hit the seashore at the rock base of a lighthouse by the shore.

It is the tenderness and compassion our friends shower upon us that rejuvenate our spirits.

Fragile emotions are thus enmeshed in a flurry of electrical energy directing us out to sea again as we are guided by our own desire to live life to the fullest with gratefulness of being alive and having friends that care.

Our ship among so many that seek their destinations, so our quest to continue on that never ending journey of life with our altered life as survivors of brain injury which builds strength and courage to face challenges and focus on our destinations.

Facing head on those challenges and not viewing them as obstacles is what will keep our vision focused to reach the many ports our ship will travel and experiences that will enrich our lives.

Pearl
Copyright: Pearl, M.S.
8/27/01

Depths of Love-A Test of Time
As I looked out my window, observed the beauty of a Maple tree.
The steady breeze swayed its' leaves. They shimmered and displayed the red, orange, yellow colors of Fall.
Amongst them the lime green leaves swayed, unknowingly that they too would encounter the process of change.
Gently a leaf falls off, dancing in the air landing gently on the ground.
It no longer will shimmer as its life source has been extinguished as the final stages of its life are forthcoming.
The Beginning and the End, the beauty of creation.

So it is that I feel, like a leaf whose existence from the core of your Love has fallen.
I crossed your path, yet somehow what we had, it seems as change has occurred and have been cut off.
Feeling as no longer being a part of the Maple tree.

I belonged to you, suddenly just like the force of the wind that pulls the leaves off,
So your interests were lured away from the simple joys we had.
I longed for the day to become one with you and repeatedly you found reasons why it could not be.
Each time the reasons became justified by you, but reality was,
Your love for me was being felt by someone else without you acknowledging it.
The hurt to be cut off and slowly be forgotten, drowns the hope of ever becoming, one with you.

I know you are growing and wanting to live to the fullest extent and that is your path,
A beautiful path I would not want to stand in its way.
Like the Maple tree stretches out to the skies,
In Spring time the soft lime colored leaves shine and give forth shade from the sun.
In the Fall, as the leaves turn colors, picturesque of the hillsides in Vermont,

So the beauty of your Love I once knew.

Because I belonged to you and was there for you when you needed me, that joy brought happiness to us at one time.
Distance and for the most part, lack of communication as you began to flourish,
Were the force or wind that pulled us away like the falling leaf of the Maple tree.

Each moment I think of you, now becomes a page of a book of memories.
Reality weighs my heart heavily as the Love we came to know seems but a dream.
Tears and heartache are carried within as I thought my dream would come true.

Reach for the sky as I know Your Love, Your Joy, Your Determination and Your Strength
Will shower you with many friendships and one day A Pure Love.
You will not even realize that I am no longer part of your joy, part of your core, your Heart.

Time, the test of Time
All shows how important others are to us.
One makes the time for someone Special, as I thought I was for you.
But one cannot make another share that desire, as I desired you.

A Maple tree, My friendship tree, will forever live in my mind and heart,
I will nurture its leaves and water it to keep a dream and memories alive.
I will cover the pain of a dream I thought had come true, by imaging I once belonged to you.

A broken heart, A sadness unspeakable,
Yet I came to know Love.
Though for what seems only for a moment
A pure, unadulterated Love.

To venture out and to reason, that others could not penetrate its' purity,
Is to defy gravity itself, a denial of some sorts.
Erosion begins slowly, unnoticeable.
So it is with so called innocent friendships that do not reveal hidden motives.
Motive: To breakdown the love we shared, to erode its walls.
As they desire the love you felt for me and I for you.
The time you once spent with me, they too now have taken from us.

The erosion eats away at the foundation and the collapse is inevitable, and the so called friends come in,
Taking the spoils of a walled city, Our Love, that once was protected by you and penetration was inconceivable,
Our Pure Love.

Choices, I choose unconditional love in its purest form and to await such Love.
I will not become a second string, sitting on the sidelines,
Being kept out of sight as an observer of your growth and watch my Love, YOU,
Turn away and leave me when I needed your love, your time as you once gave to me.

Words typed about love by you, became just that, words.
How can it be that you say, "I must experience and learn about Love for you?"
Must one break a heart to feel Love?

Pure love comes naturally from the heart the deepest cavity despite relearning to live again.
It needs no third parties, it flows with such intensity and desire, it expresses and showers a loved one.

You are such a Love as is evident by the many that seek to have your love.
And my Love for you, will step aside for your happiness.
A price to pay for thinking our love was a dream come true.
A loyal love, non compared, thus I told the world and now it has been pushed aside.

As your path will bring you love and happiness,
So my heartache has produced a desire of a pure Love that shines and knows no boundaries,
It shines, it glimmers, it will repeatedly shout out to tell the world, not once but for a lifetime of the pure Love I feel.

Its' luster, like a black pearl, rare yet beautiful and valued by its owner, so it radiates an intensity only another with
such love That wishes to take hold of it, never letting go.

I extended such love to you
A love
A dream
But I reached for the sky and was blessed by having you cross my path and enriching my soul and sharing your Love.

Pearl, Copyright: Pearl, M.S. 11/2/01

Beginnings
(Reflections of Coma and Post TBI)..A Caregiver's Perspective

You see my cry
Yet never ask why

Your eyes tell how much you want to say
Yet, we both know why words are not spoken
I know not, how to reach within you.

We have walked in paths unknown
Together we have shared the pain within
I can no longer hold the pain inside
At times, don't know why

In the windows of my mind
Somehow, the light no longer shines
Oh but how could I, not have the strength?

In you I see the struggle to survive
Smile for me, let me see, the sparkle in your eyes
Let me hear, laughter in the air I heard from days gone by

Though my spirit weakens at times, you reach out to me

Smiles within our minds
The sparkle of your eyes, reveal the beauty of your smile

As I sit by, I recall times gone by
I gently touch your face, awaiting your smile
There lies my sweet love

I remember when I held you close to me
We laughed, played, cried

In an instance of Time, suddenly your life changed
Now in silence you lay before me

Feel my love, Hear my voice
Awaken for us all
I know you hear me, I feel it in me

Though you have not smiled for a while
You have taught me in ways unknown to others
As I see others smile, memories of you sooth my pain

I seek ways to understand the shallowness
Of those that no longer understand you

The reality of what I see, weighs heavily on me
Some say, you no longer exist
How can that be?
I have seen and felt your presence

My beloved, we've shared our lives
Once again, in this path we see New Beginnings

Speak so others can hear your words
Let them see that you do exist
The New You

Share your love with them
Let others see the Sparkle in your eyes
Let them hear the sweet sayings from your lips
The warmth of your heart, reveals the strength in you
You do Exist, You are here with us

We have found our peace within our space
You are the smile within my heart
You have opened the windows of my mind
To let light shine

Our new Beginnings
Our new life
Our Survival.

By Jassmine: copy write Jassmine, MS
May 2, 2001, 1:30 P.M.

Altered Lives Renewed Souls

Today we are Alive, just as at our birth. Yet now we may ask why? Why?No need to ask why? We are alive as survivors.

Limited YES, But alive! We breathe, we think, we feel, yet at times we think..This is not life, not living!

Thousands have had their lives ended yet we were given a second chance. Our lives may have been altered, but so were that of our loved ones. Our loved ones have. Life, Hopes, Dreams and Feelings as we do too.

Interwoven are our Paths, can't tune it out, as now we face choices we never dreamed we would face. Accepting the love of others, together we can become a fiber that cannot be easily broken.

Our hopes, dreams and yes to some faith, a faith that can move mountains is the essence of our existence, the core of our being.

Many were like us, whose life made history, in yester year. We have today to nurture in our hearts the passion for life. Today. No time to ask Why?

A time for Dreams, Hopes, Faith and Living. The underlying force that changes lives. These components mend a broken heart, a broken spirit, as we face recovery.

Individual choices, yet will we mend our own heart and that of others' whose lives, dreams and hopes is to see their loved one once again rejoice in Life.

Kind souls with warm hearts, rich with compassion were the friends that took our hand and guided us to experience renewed strength and move forward.

Life..Dreams.Hope. Faith. Our New Paths . Our Recovery.

Now we too can share expressions of love and caring to someone's trembling hand reaching out to survivor.

Interwoven threads creating fibers of fine materials, Such is the value of all those that crossed our path.

Pearl
Copyright: Pearl, M.S.
10/17/01:Revision 12/5/01

Humming Bird
In amazement I watched the magnificent ability the Humming Bird displays
As he hovers over the flowers our very hands nurtured over time.

A sense of tranquility and pleasure surrounds me.

So it is you have enriched my soul.

As the Humming Bird focuses on the task at hand
Positioning its beak so precisely on the beautiful purple Princess flower
Sucking its nectar, it gracefully flows over to the velvet strands of Sage.

So it is you have enlightened me.

As the Humming Bird moves about its tedious task, it is oblivious
About the tremendous speed his wings flap, and the effort it takes
Its wings create music and his movements
Are like that of an orchestra conductor, directing musicians playing music
That captures the very essence of our being.

So it is you build confidence in me to spread my wings and fly like a free bird.
You have guided me to reach heights and face challenges
That otherwise would have seemed insurmountable
Yet, your patience, kindness and caring
Are the sources of the strength you have shared with me.

As the Humming Bird pollinates the many flowers
So your love and caring is spread as I walk my various paths.

Pearl

Blues Man in Street
It was while I was looking for anyone that knew information about our dear departed friend Typo, that I went to MGH chatroom looking for his friends when we first heard the news about Typo.

There I met the warm, kind and gifted Sigun Sandstrom of Sweden. Thus to me it was as if Typo had connected us by all his wonderful ways about him and his love of the arts and music.

Typo shared those moments with Blu and I in chats. Now we have connected Typo's joy into our friendship with Sigun as survivors and artists and share this with you as Typo shared with Blu and I (Pearl).

Blues Man in street

He stand on the street playing guitar and sound from hims mount-organ lovley come to.

A bluesman some have hims dother in the band
On the street the sun coming shine to the Norway beatifully country.

Guitar you can se rustig of all rain
some come down.
And in many countrys hi passed whith hims dother in hand.

And now hi is back whith beatifull blues
in Bergen byen.

Sigun Sandstrom
copywrite:Sigun Sandstrom
Sweden, ABI survivor
9/8/01

Techniques of Survival
As in an instance of time, or a ray of light, we recall what life was before our brain injuries. Emotions are triggered, but suddenly the moment becomes enmeshed with the reality of today.

The healing process and adjustments made materialize as we begin to internalize ways and means live with our residual disabilities or impact of living with brain injury.

In Nicomachaen Ethics, Aristotle said, "to be conscious that we are perceiving or thinking is to be conscious of our own existence."

Despite our limitations, be it hidden or apparent, may we say,

Vivere! To Live!

Treasure our existence!

Pearl
copyright:Pearl,MS
6/30/01 3:00pm

Viable Seeds
As the beauty of a field of wild flowers in a country road,
So the gift of life we have been extended as survivors/caregivers of TBI.

Seeds planted,watered and nurtured, become seedlings and then mature slowly to give forth foliage of all sizes,shapes and shades of green. Learning a new way of life as survivors of brain injury can be compared to a viable seed.

A viable seed is one that is capable of living. Some seeds that have been sealed in permafrost have remained viable for years despite their dormant state. They will mature and become a plant or tree. The ability is there, it is just the one act of someone taking that seed and planting it.

With our new limitiations be it physically, emotionally and mentally due to our injury, we are like that viable seed, capable of becoming that seedling and growing as we recover no matter what progress we make, the act of putting forth that effort and not be conquered by disappointments or frustrations is the key.

As I observed others put forth amazing effort to overcome depression, self pity, anger, and frustration due to their injury, they managed to overcome those ever so real feelings by taking a new seed and planting ideas of positive interactions like beautiful seedlings that glisten in the sun.

Their interest to share with others, their renewed focus in life is like the refreshing ocean breeze one feels strolling along the beach.

Methods others improvised in their recovery, simple ideas, yet powerful enough to change our lives and how we view life is the beauty of gaining true friends that despite their challenges, they did not give up in life but rather set out to motivate, support and assist others with brain injuries.

Inspirations of friends, took away the blurred focus in our life we may have had due to circumstances and helped us to seek out the same joy of sharing with others the love and caring that we all so much thrive on.

Their love and caring is the hand that planted our viable seed. Their support and encouragement is like the watering and nurturing we need to grow and gain joy once thought lost.

May you too reap such joy, understanding, inspiration and friends in our journey of survival.

Pearl
copyright:Pearl,MS
6/29/01

Dawning of a New Love
The Dawning of a New Love
As I looked beyond the horizon of the sunset,
There was no other joy I had within me as I thought of my Love.

Beyond my wildest dreams, I found a love so profound than I ever thought was possible.
It is as beautiful as a rainbow after a storm.

Though life has shared it's dark moments upon me,
I never lost site of what a true Love could be.
Challenges met, obstacles over-come
None have compared to the Love found in you.

A Love pure and innocent is what you share
The existense of such Love radiates the sparkle in your eyes.

To have that moment, that experience, that reality
Is to have reached the highest mountain crest, capturing the beauty and magnificense this earth's creator has bestowed upon us.

So your love is a reflection of such beauty.

A dream come true
A lifetimes' experience
A diamond radiating its beauty.
My Love.

Pearl
Copyright:Pearl,M.S.
7/2/01 4:30pm

Crevices
Used to see closed doors as I faced dark days.
Used to hear "one reaches out when rock bottom is hit".
At times it felt I was in a bottomless well as I awaited to reach that bottom
I kept hanging on, surviving knowing that there had to be a bottom at one point.

I did not reach the bottom but I reached out to hold on to crevices inside the bottomless well.
I hung on for dear life as I knew that though I had fallen I could look up and see the sky.

The sky always gave me hope to keep on looking and searching for that moment I would climb out of that well. What is the well compared to?

Depression, Defeat ,Discouragement ,Disappointments
It was the act of reaching out to those crevices.
Crevices at the time were the kind words of understanding and caring by those that did not let me sink into oblivion.

Obstacles or Challenges?
"The day you see obstacles is the day you no longer are focused. Obstacles will cause you defeat so it is that you must see them as challenges so as to reach what may seem the impossible." (B.Morgan)

That was the beginning of a new path, that was the day I reached the top of the well. The moment one feels alive. The taking in of fresh air, the pleasure of seeing the beauty around us. We are alive and now so we move forward as we meet challenges.

A vision well focused, a friend that cared
But that was just the beginning. As I reflect back I see that well so far away, but keep it in view to remind me not to fall back in but to share, love and seek dreams.

It is the caring and listening of all those that touched our lives, each and every crevice be it a small part of a well but without it the entire wall would collapse as it is all part of the Canvas of Life.

Building new bridges of survival, listening to the waters flow beneath those bridges, the swaying of the trees near the banks, the gentle breeze, a moment in time.

A place for you and I.

Lost my friend, but his strength was the beginning of paths and friends that encircled me with peace. May you too find not one but thousands more that will build bridges for you.

A vision focused A dream come true

A life with love A friend of mine

Pearl
copyright: Pearl,MS
July 10, 2001 10:00am

Companions
I am blessed by you giving me the opportunity
To be part of something so special
Your Heart.

Your desire to help others is like the beauty of a field with its swaying wild flowers.
The breeze moving to and fro gently filling the air with sweetness and serenity.

You extended your hand
You expressed kindness
You walked along my path beside me
At times it seemed as if darkness had overtaken me
No matter how many times I stumbled and bruised my spirit

It was your unconditional agape love that gave me courage to continue.

As a fire is about to extinguish from the sudden winds, causing its flame to expire,
It is rekindle to keep a soul warm in the cool night in a country road.

So your caring rekindled my soul

You opened my eyes to truth to guide me by my path
Your strength of character originates from your wholehearted desire to share with All

The tranquility and inner calm that fills our hearts and minds,
With the light and truth our Maker bestowed on us as a second chance in life.

So it is you have carried out your mission to mend broken spirits.
To gain the strength to stand again and love life
As we strive to make the best of it with our new life as survivors.

The joy of having such a companion is thus passed on to others.

Your flaming fire can be seen from afar in that country road on a star filled sky.
The beauty of your acts of kindness will forever be remembered.

Companions.

Pearl
Copyright: Pearl,M.S.
10/22/01

Emotions in Turmoil
As the dusk sets and the moon and stars begin to display their silent beauty
So your love that you have showered me with that
Lights my nights no matter how far away you are from me.
With such passion and radiant glow, your love encircles me
As the touch of your fingers are placed upon the lips
That wish to feel the warmth and kiss you would so tenderly feel.

You have not held back any part of you, but you instead have entrusted me
To have and cherish you as part of our new life.
You have given that to me without conditions or expectations
Something that has never before been extended to me with such purity and sincere love

Today I have reflected on the radiant glow of your intense love you pour upon me.
It is a true love, one that dreams are made of
To know that it is reality is to have found a utopian experience.

To me you have given me that pleasure.

Accept my love, as I know not at times, how to caress this beauty and love
At times I have tried to awaken from such an ecstasy as if it were not true
Yet you have continued to embody and enwrap me with your love
With tears that I may have caused you as I at times I cannot believe such love exists

You have with stood such pain and have not abandoned me.
So with such fine love I ask you
Accept for a moment my inability to believe this is true
As your love will teach me that your love is true.

A dream comes true
A love so pure
A man of strength and courage
A man that has told me
I love you.

So my love for you exists.
Our love.