It was a doomed venture. The dryer was carefully strapped to a special appliance dolly. The teen had hold of the dolly at the top of the ramp inside the van. I stood in front of the dryer on the ramp itself. The last I remember is her saying, "Mom, I'm losing control.?!" I must have fallen straight back on the right side of my head injuring my foot smashing on the ramp. The distance of the fall was the equivalent of standing at the top of a doorway. Fortunately, she had the presence of mind to push the dryer off the ramp in the opposite direction. I may have smacked into the pavement, but at least I didn't have a dryer for a blanket.

I kept fading in and out of consciousness. I remember waking up briefly in the ambulance and again for a longer time in the emergency room when they were hooking me to the IV. It was like being there but not relating much of it to me. Scrambling for the answers to those simple questions: "Who is the President? What year is it? Do you know where you are? Do you know why you are here? Wiggle your foot. Close your eyes and bring your hands together." I can still remember thinking, "Who cares who is president...then Oh-my-god --- I'm not sure: Regan, Bush, or Clinton --- there was an election --- will I have to stay here forever if I give the wrong answer. Must be Bush, always choose option "B" when in doubt. The year let me think, it's not spring or summer. It must be fall or winter. Has Christmas happened? 199? Take a deep breath. Pretend I'm writing the date on a check. It's sometime in 1996. Nurses face looks happy. Must be a good answer. Hope no one asks me what month it is. Wiggle my foot; I can't do it. Finally say, "Quit asking. I keep telling the foot to move but it's not listening. I am getting very upset. Please don't ask me this again." Hands with closed eyes; sounds easy, but I can tell something is wrong here too. Guess when I have to keep repeating the action, its a clue something is not right. I am so tired. Just want to close my eyes. Did that fellow say he'd be back again?"

Who chooses hospital roommates? I got an elderly hearing impaired lady who kept cranking up the television as loud as it would go. It felt like fine needles of light were raining into my head. I did not want to complain. The tears kept falling. The pain kept pulsing. The staff would talk to her and as soon as they left the room the volume zoomed. This could not go on. I would finagle to go home. Ever try to sleep in a hospital? Noises everywhere. Cranked the bed up to a sitting position, felt nauseated any other way. Doze, just fall asleep ---- again, "Who is the president, etc.." Eyelids drift lower ..... oh, no was that a body bag. I want out of here. It continues. I am so very tired. I cannot walk without assistance. I am not real sure of the year. I got sprung the next day with a lot of conditional strings. The quiet and familiarity of home was be so welcome.

Recovery seemed to elude me. I kept getting the standard reply from my primary care doctor, "Oh, you'll most likely be better in a few weeks, then a few months." Then give it a few more months, I don't think so. Time for a new doctor. It was a nightmare. I went back to a high pressure job that involved multi-tasking and new learning situations. Fortunately, I was working with people who knew me. It still took 6 months for all of us to say things were not improving and I needed rest and better medical care. But it all takes time.

I am now in a two year Acquired Brain Injury Program at Coastline Community College in Costa Mesa, California. I feel I am on the right track. Routines are a balm. Assimilating learning strategies and critical thinking skills can be very tiring. But being with others struggling with the same issues is such a relief. Will my executive function skills and math ability return to the same level prior to my injury? I doubt it. But, maybe I can find some alternative ways to handle life and move in a different direction that is equally fulfilling.

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