I was northbound on the interstate listening to some Christmas music, not much truck traffic that morning, as most of the drivers were at home with their families or friends. Traffic would bunch up and then ease out, off and on, but was running fairly well for the day before Christmas.

All of a sudden traffic stopped right in front of me. I had to act fast to keep from hitting the pick up in front of me, but I managed to lock it down. All this time a guy behind me had been talking to another driver, he was about 20 miles from his home. I heard his voice on the radio and tried to think of something I could possibly say that would grab his attention when he unkeyed that mike. So, I keyed up my mike and kept repeating over and over, "We're STOPPED"! "We're STOPPED!"

By this time I could see him in my mirror coming up behind me in the fast lane. I figured he would have seen the brake lights and flashers in front of him on this bright morning, but little to my dismay he hadn't even paid attention or unkeyed his radio long enough to hear my cries.

I had to concentrate on the traffic in front of me so I couldn't watch out my mirror constantly. I figured he would end up hitting me, messing up his brand new Peterbilt and scratching my trailer. I WISHED that was all that happened!

The last time I spotted him out my mirror I knew that he was going to hit me almost square on, but it happened so fast that I wasn't able to prepare. I'm not really sure what I felt first, if it was the blast of the impact, or the sound of grinding steel. It was as if I was watching a movie and they had slowed down not only the picture, but the sound as well! I heard a "crack" as if a bomb had gone off in my head, I saw stars, and that was it!

The next thing I remember was a voice on the CB radio screaming at me, "Are you alright?!" I didn't know where I was, let alone whether I was alright or not! I had a headache the size of New York City, and I couldn't figure out just what had happened. The first thing I thought of was my truck was still running. Was there diesel spilled, and something could catch fire?! It was a shock I was not prepared for at all!

The driver who hit me had run up to my truck and jumped up on the running board. I knew that somehow I had to open the window, but I couldn't remember HOW to do it! Then I remembered I had an air switch, reached for it, and the window dropped down. It seemed like a tornado had hit the inside of my truck! I was turned sideways in the seat, but the seat belt had held me in although it was almost ripped out of the wall. I couldn't stand, I couldn't think, I was shaking so bad I couldn't get up if I wanted too! And all the time this guy is yelling things at me and I just wanted him to shut up!

Finally the EMT's arrived! SAVED, I thought! It didn't take them very long to get there, and after they had found out I had lost consciousness one of them grabbed my head and held it while the other one began checking me out. I looked ok, as far as I knew. My mouth hurt (I would find out later I hit my face and almost bit off the right side of my tongue), my neck hurt like somebody had severed my head from my body and had stuck it down on a stick! I couldn't seem to concentrate, and all I wanted to do was go HOME!

I never went to the hospital. In fact, since the truck was untouched (I never hit anybody in front of me even though this driver had pushed me up the road) I never gave it another thought! I asked where the nearest truck stop was so I could call my dispatch and tell them what had happened. I tried to get the back doors open to check my load, but they wouldn't budge, and I knew they would have to be pried open to check my cargo, and I just WASN'T in the mood!

I felt sick to my stomach, but thought it was just from the shock, so I got some ice cream to try and settle it, made my calls to dispatch then walked back to the truck. What happened next was the strange part! I got into the truck, sat back on the bunk and started putting my permits back in my permit book while taking the old ones out that should have been thrown away when they had expired! I sat there for about an hour or so, and was feeling so bad that I knew if I didn't move I would feel even worse later! So sheer will got me into the seat and started back up the road, north bound.

I made it almost 350 miles that day. And looking back on it, I don't know HOW I ever did! I had been in a daze so bad that if anything had happened, I wouldn't have been able to respond. My body ached so bad that I felt like an old Mack had run over me while I wasn't looking. My head was beginning to hurt so bad that I think they had merged New York City AND New Jersey into the same space, and all I wanted to do was get some relief!

I stopped for the night and called my boyfriend to tell him where I was. I gave him the exact spot I was parked in and told him if he hadn't heard from me by 9 o'clock in the morning to just call the morgue! There wouldn't be any need for a doctor. I was scared to sleep, but I KNEW I had to. So, I crawled back in the truck and turned on the tv, watched it for a few minutes then laid my head down on the pillow and said a prayer to God.......... please let me wake up in the morning!

He kept His word! Six hours later! Yes! I thought that my head hurt the day before! Not even close! I managed to shuffle to the phone, the showers, and back to the truck. Thinking all the time that I'm just going to feel worse, so I'd better get moving! I drove another 325 miles in a daze that day (seemed to take forever), and pulled the truck in the yard and tried to move!

Over the next few days things only got worse. I couldn't stand without almost falling, and having to grab hold of something to stop me. I couldn't bend over at all without my head feeling like it was going to explode, and my body ached so bad that just breathing hurt. Nothing I could find would help the pain, and it was a holiday!

To make a long story shorter! Three weeks after the accident I had threatened my doctor that if he didn't take a CT scan and some xrays I was finding a new doctor! I got that, "Well, you've been in an accident, and it will take you a while to get back to normal!" Boy, it didn't take long for that to get old! For months I lived in that 'London Fog" that we always see on the spooky movies? Yep, it was right there with me all the time! When they would ask me how I felt? I just told them, "Like a BLONDE in a brunettes body!" It was the easiest way to describe the feeling! (sorry, if you're blonde)!

I've had hand surgery without anesthesia because I have a brain injury........will never do that again! And I have had to fight for almost all the tests that have been done on me because the original CT scan was normal! DON'T let them tell you that it's all in your MIND!

You have my permission to smack the next doctor that tells you that! (for ME even)! YOU know if you're not the same! YOU know when something is not right! Your BODY will tell you when things are wrong if you listen to it! And when that GUT feeling tells you something? LISTEN!

Get ALL the information on Brain Trauma that you can, and read it over and over if you have to. Give copies to your doctors, friends, and anyone who wants it, and most importantly.......DON'T give up on YOURSELF! You may be the only one who knows what's wrong, and when it gets better! But the more information that you can get, the better you will be mentally and physically! And if the answers aren't what you think they should be? Do some more research!

It's been 19 months since my accident. I emailed Dr. Padulla (which you will find in the Post Trauma Vision info), who sent me (free of charge) some information about Post Trauma and your vision. He also sent me the names of 2 eye doctors that deal with brain injury in my area. I just spent less than $100 for a doctor to tell me that she was amazed that I could even walk, let alone function because my vision was so bad from the blast and the injury that my brain was trying to shut it down! And all this time, my regular doctor told me he didn't know WHY I couldn't return to work!

Seek out a doctor that is trained in BRAIN INJURY! Not very many really are! If they don't have specialists on staff, ask who does! This is so important in your rehabilitation! They will act as if you're nuts, and you know as well as I do that you're NOT! Don't listen! Don't get MAD! Don't get FRUSTRATED! FIGHT BACK! If you can't, then have a family member help you, or a friend, but make sure they ARM themselves with all the information that they can, FIRST!

I haven't given up, and finally I've found a light at the end of the tunnel! YIPPEE! There IS one out there! It may be dim, but it's out there! Keep searching until you find the answers! Mine all started with the Brain Association, and some speech/language therapy at the local college. They know more than you think! And they're NOT afraid of sharing their information!

I'm still recovering, still learning, still searching, and if I can make a difference in someone else's search, than that makes my day! That's what this site is all about. KNOWLEDGE! Get it! It's what makes the difference in your recovery. It will help you through the times when they think you're crazy! It will ARM you for your fight! Because this is a fight like you've never had in your life! This knowledge will be the difference between bullets or BOMBS! And with a BOMB, they will HAVE to listen to us!

God bless you in your search. barbara jean

Email Barbara Jean