Hi There,
My story began in 1995, with headaches that I'd been having for more than a year. I began noticing visual disturbances as well. Blurred, doubled and bright flashes. I just thought them to be migraines and didn't give any of it much heed. I was never one to run to the doctor over every little thing, but finally at my friends urging, I finally made an appointment with my doctor, fully expecting him to think to himself that I was "Just another neurotic woman", and send me home with instructions to "learn to relax" and "try to deal with the stress in your life better than you do". Well, he didn't do that at all. He listened to me, then examined me, then he said, "Cheryl, if you'd said that you've had these headaches and visual disturbances for a couple of weeks, I'd just send you on your way with a prescription for a pain reliever. But being as you've had these symptoms for over a year now, I think we'd better investigate the cause. Therefore I'm scheduling you for a CAT scan and my nurse will be in contact with you as to the date."

Well, I went for the CAT scan, on the 5th of May 1995, a few days later the doctor phoned me at home with the results. He said, "you have a large mass in the left anterior posterior fossa adjacent to the left posterior cerebral artery. In other words, your have a brain tumor. I want to schedule you for a MRI and after that I'm going to send you to a neurosurgeon."

Talk about setting at ones kitchen table and being SHOCKED!!! Never in all my wildest dreams, had I ever thought I'd hear such a diagnosis about myself. I'd never felt so alone as I did at that moment. I wanted to reach out to someone, but there was no one there.

I went the following week for the MRI, it showed that the tumor was compressing the left aspect of the mid-brain and had a broad base against the dura. The report also said. This causes compression of adjacent brain stem and mild displacement of the basilar artery toward the left. Next. came a meeting with the neurosurgeon, he scheduled me for an overnight hospital stay for an angiogram, boy what fun that was!! When he visited me in the hospital after viewing my test results, he told me that he wanted to schedule me for surgery the next week, but that it would be too large a job for him alone and that he was conferring with another neurosurgeon in Cincinnati, and that he would join with him to do the surgery. He set up an appointment for me to visit with the second surgeon, (the first was foreign and I had great difficulty understanding him), so the second surgeon explained to procedure to me in no uncertain terms. He said it would be an 18 hour long surgery and that I had a 30% to 50% chance of coming through it being left blind in left eye, deaf in left ear, unable to move left side of face, unable to talk or even swallow saliva. In other words, he said I'd be just like a victem of stroke. Then he wanted to know if Wednesday of the next week would be good for me to schedule the surgery!!!! Wrong....Not me bucko

I explained to him about my being alone in life and that I could not see myself becoming a burden to either my children, or to my mom or dad or any of my sisters and that there HAD to be another less invasive route to take. By the end of October it was decided to try 3D conformal radiation on the tumor. I went to Cinn., five days a week for six weeks. Towards the middle of treatment I was put on steriods because of brain swelling. They had a very difficult time adjusting the dosage. Too little and I couldn't stand the pain, too much and I was a bundle of nerves, crying, laughing, back to crying. I thought I'd shake apart some days, my entire body felt as though I'd just stepped onto a viberator of some sort. Finally six months after the radiation they were able to ween me off the steriods, then came the task of trying to loose the thirty pounds that they had contributed to my frame!

Next came waiting, waiting for time to pass for the next MRI, and wondering if the radiation had killed the tumor as they hoped it would, at the very least it should shrink it they said. Time passed, the MRI was done and the doctor came in. He said that it had not killed the tumor and that he'd measured every way he could think to measure hoping to find that it had at least shrunk somewhere. It hadn't. The only suggestion he had was to go back to the neurosurgeon and have surgery. It's now Mar. 1998, and I have NOT had the surgery. The symptoms are worsening, it's time for another yearly MRI and I find myself without benefit of a job or health insurance. Even though I'm surrounded by loving family here in the community, I live alone and feel VERY alone. That's why the people on the TBI list have become so very important to me. This is the first time, since the first phone call from my family doctor informing me of the tumor that I have felt a connection with others who feel and fear as I do. I depend each day on awakening and turning on the computer to read the next digest posting. I'm so grateful that you are there. I read of your struggles and your triumphs and your courage. Sometimes I cry, other times your humor makes me laugh, but I've grown to love and respect all of you, and God in heaven knows how grateful I am that you are there. I'm grateful also for my family, the love and emotional support they've given me. Just knowing of their love for me makes me thankful to God for His blessings. I pray that He takes away this fear and uncertainty about what the future holds for me. I no longer know what to do or how to cope, and feel as though I have no control over anything. My life is hanging in limbo, I strive to keep the tears a bay and not give up, but what am I holding on for? I hope to come to a better understanding of that through the TBI group. You at TBI have truly become my lifeline and I'm trying to hold on. As you say, Stay On The Path.

I thank you for reading my story. If anyone would like to comment, please feel free to contact me at:ckbell@mrtc.com
Love to all,
Cheryl Bell