Update 07/19/00
Hmmmm....where to start on this??? Might start by saying that after my TBI, my ex- was good enough to take me home and put me in rehab as they wanted to put me away. The professionals said I'd be in a vegetative state from now on due to my brain straightlining for 3 days while on life support. He said I had stood by him all those years when he was down, disabled, in wrecks and couldn't walk (didn't know about TBI then), heart attacks, bypass surgery, etc.. He wouldn't put me away. Give credit where it's due... However, when I came home from rehab, he found he couldn't deal with me. I was extremely aggressive and fought back where prior to tbi I was passive. He was a philanderer and on one occasion he tried to feed me supper which I refused because the girl across the road had brought it over to "him". She was a philanderer also and was just living with the gentleman across the road. After telling him NO!!! more than once, when he sat it down in front of me and I stabbed his hand with the fork! With the words, "(blush) now, what part of NO don't you understand?" At that point, and I'm not bragging guys, I would have starved before I ate her food. She called up prior and asked me if Jan (like a boy named Sue!) liked da-da-da-? I asked him, he said yes, and that's what she brought. Never once asked me. When she brought it, she said, "here's Jan's supper." I came apart inside. He had had affairs on me and I took him back. That was prior to TBI, but afterwards, I couldn't and wouldn't handle it.
I gained ground but would never have been where I am now if he hadn't divorced me and my daughter took me out of there. Wayne put up with more from me than Jan ever did. I once told Jan that on the phone after my marriage to Wayne with Wayne standing there. His reply was, "well you knew you couldn't get away with it cause I beat the hell out of you to start with when we got married and you knew better."
Wayne has encourage me, helped me, catered to me, given me his last dollar. Would Jan ever have done that? NO!!!!! My middle daughter who came to Fla. and lived with us (Wayne & myself) has shaken her head many a time when Wayne has done that. And she even said her father wouldn't begin to think about doing that.
My neuropsychologist told me when I said it made me wonder if Jan really loved me that he did. But that his was an abusive, damaging kind of love. Whereas Wayne's is a nurturing, gentle, loving kind. (smile) Said all the above to get to that...sorry!
Original Story
I am a nurse by profession and worked the 3-11 shift. Was hit headon by a speeding drunk driver on my way home from work. If I had been wearing my seatbelt, I would have been crushed and killed instantly. Instead, I was thrown up into the window post of the door with my head receiving a severe TBI. Also had my right foot taken off, L knee cut to the bone from one side to the other and my L elbow, broke my right arm and had multiple other cutson R leg. The coons, I was told, recycled what was left of me on the dash. They sewed my right foot back on twice, the second time putting an 8" stainless steel pin up thru my heel into my leg to keep it on. I am legally blind, my throat and tongue stays numb. No appetite, and no smell or much taste. I had stopped breathing and bleeding by the time the rescue squad got there. They could get no vital signs on me. Took 2 jaws of life to get me out and they did CPR, naturally, to the local hospital where they did 2 cutdowns on me to start 2 iv's as my veins had collapsed due to the shock. They air lifted me to the Med in Memphis, TN. and bagged me the whole way there. Was placed on life support in the trauma unit. My brain straightlined for 3 days. Husband was told by Dr.s initially I would not survive the night. I did. When I came out of the coma, he was told that I would be a in a vegetative state. I am alive by the grace of God. In rehab they treated me for physical injuries but had not concentrated on the brain injury. I am where I am today by sheer determination and hard work. And that's the rest of the story, G'Day....THE REALITY OF BRAIN TRAUMA
By Darlene Harwell 11/30/96
Brain trauma hurts forever, from life as we knew, it does sever. What is normal for you, isn't for me, pain is excruciating, can't you see? Your long and short term memory it does steal, the headaches are unreal! The ability to walk and talk are sometimes a dream, it's enough to make you scream! Many times that's what I want to do, but confusion sets in and leaves me in a stew. Concentrating on what comes naturally to others keeps you busy, to make matters worse, you're always dizzy. Often people take a brain injured person for granted, if you don't meet their expectations, ugly words at you are slanted. In reality, time has no essence, at times, you don't notice others presence. Seizures are some peoples "gift", having none gives me a lift. There's so much more to be said, I'm just thankful, but for the grace of God, I'm not dead!Email Darlene
