When I awoke, I could hear my wife puttering around in the front section of our home. The bed felt warm, and with her absence, I could stretch out my arms and legs, and I enjoyed a few extra minutes of hoarding the bed to myself. Shaking off the sleepiness, I stood up, and my world changed dramatically in that moment. I knew I felt wrong, really wrong, and hoping the feeling would go away I entered the small bathroom adjoing our bedroom to look in the mirror. I had a difficult time moving. Everything was in slow motion. I had to hang onto the wall to remain upright. I looked at myself in the mirror? What was happening to me?! I considered going back to bed, maybe this would pass. But I was having trouble standing up. I called out for my wife. "Shusan, cmmmm hrrrrrrr." My words were all slurred. My mouth was not working.

Susan came to me and was confused by my words. I managed to stammer, "I thhhhhhhnk Imm hvinnn a hhhrt atttttack." But having seen her grandfather just weeks before suffer a stroke (and die as a result of stroke), she knew that this was no heart attack. With her help I made it out of the bathroom and across the dining room. Well, almost across, I fell about half way through the room. She instructed me to stay still while 911 was called. I’m a stubborn german, and not wanting the paramedics to find me on the floor, I managed to crawl with her help to the couch in the living room.

The sound of a wailing siren broke the morning silence. An ambulance pulled up in front of our house. Paramedics began taking vital signs and asking questions. They also began administering oxygen. On a gurney I was raced out the door and heard the ambulance doors close with a thump. One of those attending to my needs was related to a girl I was to confirm the next day. She reassured me that this was probably not anything major, a TIA or mini stroke, a warning to fend off something major. Her words rang true. With the oxygen flooding into my blood, the effects of the stroke were disappearing. She patted my hand and said, "Do a good job tomorrow!"

In the emergency room, I was able to sit up and communicate clearly. My arms and legs were working again. My sense of equalibrium had returned. Even my speech had returned to normal. I remember telling the physician, "Man, that was scarey." I was going to be ok. Everything had returned to normal. And then...

I felt the sickening numbness returning. It started with my neck and lips. Quickly the doctor sedated me, to keep me from worsening my situation. Neurologists were consulted. TPA, a new drug used to help stroke patients was administered, and suddenly it seemed to work. I was returning to normal again. My speech that had slurred, improved, and I talked with my wife who had joined me. But then...

For a third time the symptoms returned. The third time they came on with a vengeance. I would go in less than 24 hours from a healthy and vibrant 40-year-old in the prime of life to a man fighting for his life on a respirator. My family would be called in the morning of that Confirmation Sunday to visit me in the ICU of the hospital for what seemed to be likely the last time. The stroke that I had suffered had struck the pons of the brain stem. The pons is an area of the brain that controls much of the body’s automatic functions. Breathing, blood pressure, body temperature, some of the critical commands the brain controls for life were impacted. The stroke I suffered was as severe as a stroke can be, and as life-threatening.

For several days I struggled to hold onto life and because of the heavy sedation I lived in a dream world. The dream was interrupted at times as faces of loved ones came into view and as I rode in another ambulance to a larger hospital in Milwaukee (St. Luke’s). Unknown to me, my new doctors were sharing the grim news and a pessimistic prognosis with my family. An MRI test had shown where the damage had been done. It also revealed the extent of the damage. Talk was shared of months in the hospital (if I didnt die) and maybe if things really improved, life in a nursing facility. As for me, I would stumble out of my slumber long enough to hear the pop of the ventilator machine that was breathing for me.

Gradually my vital signs improved, and the antibiotics began to reverse the pneumonia that was filling my lungs with fluid. The pneumonia had resulted from my body having lost the ability to swallow correctly, and saliva was being aspirated. Still, things improved to the point that the sedation was lightened, and the dream-state of half-consciousness ended. It was now that I became acutley aware of how desperate my situation really was. I tried to move my fingers, my toes, anything, and nothing responded. I was able to blink my eyes, outside of that, I was totally paralyzed. I couldnt believe this was happening. I was scared, but not afraid. I knew I was in God's hands, like always.

That was then, and this is now.. i have made wonderful progress in the months that have followed those events. I have met so many wonderful doctors, nurses and therapists. I'm grateful to all of them.

Through therapy and healing so much progress has been made. I never had to go to a nursing home. I came home after 3 weeks in ICU and 3 weeks in rehab (half of what the rehab doctors thought as an optomistic goal initially). My ability to swallow returned and I am able to eat normal foods again. The wheelchair, leg braces, walkers and canes are gone. I have worked hard to get back as much as possible in the rehab gym ( on my own after PT and OT graduated me). I drive my car and truck (even my 5 speed mustang again. I work part time, at administrative tasks for my parish of 800 souls and visiting those shut-in their homes or hospitalized. Speech remains my largest challenge... it is improving but not enough to let me return to my pulpit yet.. and I have so much to say! In a few days the doctors will try to improve my voice with surgery so I am praying about that.

I have enjoyed meeting people in the rooms here, and am very impressed and encouraged by the wonderful and caring spirit of the chatrooms. Please know that as I have met you.. i have included you on my prayer list. I wish you all a joyful tomorrow and pray that you will enjoy the joyful forever that Christ lived, died and rose to make yours. For those with TBI's what a joy to know that those initials will not be found in heaven.

Sola dei gloria
David.. or Pastor Cooper.. or PC as the kids around here like to call me :).

Email David