I am a psychotherapist by training and believed I knew most of what you needed to know about the brain. I did not know that belief would be turned upside down.

Around the time of my BI, I was running emergency psychiatric services for a nearby county in Maryland. On Feb. 3, 2000, I dashed out the front door, hit a slick of ice at the top of my front steps and went up in the air. Next thing I knew my roomies were hovering over me and asking if I was okay. I was shaken and my head hurt, but I brushed off the snow and stubbornly refused an ambulance and went to work at my hospital instead. That lasted for about an hour at which time I walked into our ER and nearly collapsed.

Two days of tests and hospitalization followed. Like so many others have experienced, my CT scans were confusing and the nuero told me to go home, all would be fine. That night, at home, I went into convulsions and landed in a different ER. Again, CT scans were inconclusive, but they believed I was bleeding from the top of my brain and at the occipital lobe. After observation and rehydrating (I had been vomiting all day), they sent me home with instructions to take sick leave and, especially, not to drive a car (guess they feared for their safety. LOL.). I slept for nearly two weeks, getting up only for meals, occasionally showering, and other bodily needs.

When I went back to work, I found I could only work for about four hours and I would literally be falling asleep at my desk. My boss, over the following two months, gave me a lot of leeway, but there was no improvement. Also, I began to develop terrible depressive symptoms and bewildering physical symptoms (neuropathies, they call them). I was acutely suicidal each day. I had no appetite. I couldn't concentrate or read for more than a few minutes. I had terrible migraine headaches. I would wake up at night with small seizures. I was falling apart and didn't understand why.

I have a friend whose husband had had a BI the previous June. They had found a doctor they liked, a neuropsychiatrist. So I went to see him. I was morbidly depressed at the time and struck him, as he put it, as "robotic." But he understood! And he believed me when I told him about the confusing things happening with my body, my body's failure to regulate my temperature, etc. He and I started on more than a year's experimentation with more drugs than I care to remember. With his support and advice, I resigned my job in May, 2000. Wondering if my life would go on.

I have had many tragedies in my life. And I have had serious injuries. But the BI sapped me of my hope. My will was strong, but eroding. Only because I care too much for those that love me did I not kill myself. Then, coincidentally, I discovered TBIChat. My first encounter was like finding a new world of understanding. I had been in AA for 20 years and TBIChat became a system of support as much as AA had ever been. Every day and night for weeks I would be in the Mainroom. Getting and giving comfort. When my will was weak, others lended me theirs.

Although I was still very symptomatic (and still am honestly), I began to build a small private practice. I work mostly with the severely chronically mentally ill, a population ignored by most therapists, people I have come to love and care for immensely.. Unwittingly, they taught me the lessons of courageously facing each day, making peace with limitations, and finding joy amidst hardship. Because of them, I am a better human being and therapist.

Nowadays, I work about 15 hours a week. I try to take care of my house and myself. I inherited a cat who loves me and is a joy (pain in the rump sometimes too). I'm able to read again. That's a blessing because I struggle with what we shrinks call anhedonia, an inability to experience joy. There is very little happiness still. I have to remind myself to eat and actually eat vegetables now and then. LOL. My friend with his BI and I talk a lot and give each other support. I've learned that true friends stand with you during the worst times, so some "friends" have drifted away.

Like so many others, there are details too many to record here. But I've come to know how misunderstood people with Bis are. In my professional role, I try to educate my peers. I preach to them to BELIEVE their patients when they talk about their BIs. For myself, I have finally come to believe that I'm not lazy or faking it or "it's all in my mind." I have accepted the reality of my BI and how it has brought me to a different path in life. Recently I was diagnosed with degenerative spinal arthritis, a diagnosis that brings no cheer, but I've learned to accept life on its own terms and will face this challenge bravely.

If not for TBIChat, I might not be here to tell this modest story. I try to and hope I succeed in helping my friends in the rooms. They have always been there to help me. I have met only a few, but I love you all.

Email David