For months he lied in bed, barely moving or talking. When he did walk, his balance was very poor and he often had to sit down after only a few steps, because of dizziness and exhaustion. Patterned floors and walls confused him and daytime was generally a hard time for him to function, because of all the distracting objects. The light of day also bothered him and he still has to wear very dark welding glasses in the sun.

His body gauges temperature very poorly and reacts slower than normal to pain, heat, etc. He would walk to the mailbox barefooted, and come home with blistering feet from the pavement. When he fell down and cut himself, often he wouldn't notice until he saw the blood. Outside at night, he wouldn't feel cold and sometimes I'd tell him to wear a coat, even though he couldn't feel it.

It was very hard for him to carry out a conversation, especially in the first years. He'd lose his train of thought in the middle of a sentence and the slightest thing would distract him and he'd forget what he was talking about. Reading documents, or even signing his signature to something would make him dizzy, confused and exhausted. After being on a one-hour car trip, he'd have to lay in bed for the rest of the day, too worn out to do anything else. If he went out to a restaurant, or to the mall, he'd have to sit down frequently and would often be sick for the following days.

His memory has been almost wiped clean of important people, places and things from his past, as well as all his normal emotions, actions and people skills. To some extent, he had to re-learn everything one learns in a lifetime, plus some things one is born with. Sometimes his brain would stop making his lungs take in air. He had to learn to walk again, and even now he sometimes comes to a halt, forgetting what comes after right-left-right---. His balance is very delicate and he walks with a cane. In the house, he grips the backs of chairs on the counters to keep his balance. Sometimes when he falls he forgets how to get up, or even that he needs to get up.

My dad is a different person now, most of the old things have gone for good because one cannot re-live a forgotten past. He was a stranger to me for the first few years after the accident, and learning to live with him has been hard for all of us. In some ways he is improving, in that he can control his emotions much better and do things without completely exhausting himself. Still he has very bad days, and he cannot do anything but sit or lay. After his accident he would "sleep" for days at a time, listening to music to replace the absence of thought in his empty mind.

The brain injury devastated us and crippled us. It tore us apart, as a family. Many things are irreplaceable, some things can be learned again, but it all takes time. My dad is a wonderful person, who did not deserve to have this happen to him. I love him very much and I hate to see him cry.

Sincerely,
Devon Buss

Email Devon