It began as a normal day like always. Getting up and getting ready for work, helping my son's get off to school as well. As I said, a normal day. I went to work as usual, clocked in and had only been there for a short time, ten minutes or so I believe. I bent down to stock something for later use in the day for I knew that later I may not have time and it would only take a few fleeting moments to do this one small chore. It was expected of me, it was part of my job. A job that I was proud of and good at even though it did not utilize my talents, I was good at what I did. I was hit in the back of the neck by a 5 ft. x 2 ft. section of metal from a fry station, that fell roughly 4 - 5 feet striking an unsuspecting me. I've no idea how much this piece weighs, but it struck me as I was bent down and not looking, like a karate chop and then fell and hit me again. I had no warning and was not able to move out of the way. It caused me to throw my head back and forth like whiplash! I was dazed, disoriented and frankly, cannot remember how long I must have sat there stunned before I could move. I somehow managed to get up, stand and began to cry and walk to the back of the store to sit down. Once there, my crying alerted several other employees, which began to help me, check on me, ect. I wasn't bleeding, I was however, slightly burned, first degree maybe I don't know, that part has never bothered me since; but I was to the point of blacking out, extremely disoriented and nauseaus *ever how you spell that*. I needed assistance to the car just to go to the ER. An incident report was filed before I was even able to go to the ER.

I honestly cannot recall now how or what I was feeling other than immense pain in my head from the moment of impact. The pain was incredible! In the ER, no tests were given to me, none that I can recall anyways. X-rays were made of my neck but no uhm, oh some little test that I'm told they they should have given to me to check for concussion, sorry I cannot recall what it is now *sigh*. A script was written for pain killers, bedrest for the rest of the week, a note for work and nothing more and I was then released to go home.

Since then, I'm sure this will begin to sound familiar to my fellow TBI friends. I've had dozens of things crop up. I had tingling in my hands and arms, they felt almost numb, it managed to correct itself I suppose in a week and have had no troubles since then from that. I have pains run down my left leg at times. I have no balance and must have someone walk beside me in case I fall. I use the walls at home for balance or lean against the counters. I'm told that I use 90% of my eyesight for my balance, hence when I close my eyes I'm prone to falling, which I have done. I can no longer manage my own financial affairs, checkbook and such. For an accounting major, it is difficult to accept that I can no longer make sense of numbers as I once did. I am able to type, slower than usual but when I get a pen or pencil in my hand, I have difficulty writing and spelling words. Finding the right word at times is difficult as well. My handwriting is not the same as it once was as well. My personality is not what it used to be as well. I am no longer me.

For someone that used to be incredibly outgoing, cheery and seemingly happy, I've done a complete turn about. I no longer am that cheery person, now I am filled with the fears of not knowing if I will ever be what I once was. When I get nervous and upset, my speech is affected. When I speak of my ordeal, I begin to stutter and have a hard time finding the words to reflect my thoughts. When confronted with a point blank question, I no longer am able to spit out my thoughts or the answer. It takes me 6 times longer to process information now. I was never like this before. I had this proven to me recently when a good friend came to my home. We were all just talking, enjoying each other's company and my friend asked me my birthday. I drew a blank. Someone else was able to answer for me, quicker than I could think of my own birthday. That in itself, told me that I am no longer the "me" I used to be.

I have incredible headaches now that have caused me to nearly black out and did once, scaring my children half to death. These headaches cause ringing in my ears too. They are terrible! I have memory problems now. I can have someone tell me something and not two minutes later, I cannot recall what was said or asked for. I used to have an incredible memory, I truly did and had been complimented on it in the past. I am not comfortable driving my own vehicle as I cannot perceive where in my driving lane I am. This is not a safe thing for any driver or the other's that may be on the road with me, either as passengers in my vehicle or as a passing motorist. I no longer drive unless I have to.

My sleep habits are different now. I tire easily now. I was always an early bird yes I was, but I have to say, waking at 3 and 4 in the morning and going to bed at 7:00 in the evening I never used to do. I am restless in my sleep and no longer wake feeling refreshed as I once did. I am easily fatigued now and take frequent naps. I never used to do this before, nor had to. I have emotional outbursts now and have screamed at the top of my lungs at my closest family members over something trivial. There are times I am not able to comprehend things as well as I used to. I cannot understand jokes, simple puns and understand the quick wit of my friends. I was never like this before my TBI.

My neck gives me quite a bit of pain. This is where I was struck. There are times that I feel as if my head is resting directly upon my shoulders and it is quite painful for me. At times, I lay down to sleep and I cannot find a comfortable position to lay my head that does not cause my neck to hurt. I get sharp pains in my neck at times as well. Not a fun thing I assure you.

I cry easily now and more often. Things are so upsetting to me, not knowing things, not remembering things, not understanding things I never used to have problems with, it all makes me cry. I was never a cry baby. Sure, I have had my times, where yes, I was tearful but never have I ever been brought to tears over simple things as not understanding a joke. Everything seems so overwhemling now than ever before. I feel lost within my own body and soul.

I insisted to my Dr's that something more was wrong. For weeks I insisted that I was not "right" and there had to be something else wrong with me. I began to believe that it was my imagination, I truly did. I would do my best to stand straight up and not sway, but it only took a moment or two and I'd be swaying as if I'd had several drinks of alcohol. I'm not even a drinker so that was never the case for me there. I'd think to myself, this can't be happening to me, not now! I was beginning to get my life in order, things were begining to look up for me and my children. Now look at what my life has become, a mess.

Finally I saw a Dr that did believe me and felt that what I was suffering was a Traumatic Brain Injury, a TBI. I was sent to a neurologist and had an MRI done. I was also sent to a neuropsycologist as well. I have since been told that I must have suffered a grade 2 or 3 concussion that was not picked up in the ER that day. I have also been told that I have diffuse frontal and focal dysfunction to both sides of my brain. OMG! I have brain damage!! I cried when I was told that, for two reasons. Firstly, there WAS something wrong with me, there was and now I had proof and that in itself made me cry. Secondly, it was NOT my imagination and just knowing that was a comfort to me and that made me cry all the more.

Now I move on to recovery, whatever that may be. I am an intelligent woman and have worked fast to find information on the web to help me. It's been almost a year now since my injury and I am steadfast in finding help for me and my condition. I managed to find numerous web sites with loads of information. I have since joined, quit and re-joined, recently in fact an email support list for TBI Survivors. I've not been on it long but I do believe it will help me a great deal.

Now, the fun part, as if all the above was fun. My employer has since denied my workers compensation claim in it's entirety. Claiming that the symptoms and problems I now have were not and are not within the scope and realm of my employment or injury, even though I now have a listing of several employees that can and will testify in a court of law as to what happened to me that day.

WHAT??!!

I cannot have the therapy that not one, but two Doctors say I do in fact need for my neck to help with the pain. My employer will not pay for it. All the Doctor bills are coming to my house now and I am begining to get late notices on them as well. My employer has refused to pay them as well as my pharmacy bills. My employer has also refused me weekly worker's compensation benefits.

HOW CAN THIS BE???!!!

I always thought that if I was a good worker and did my best at work, gave 100% to any employer that I ever had, should I ever become injured at work, my employer would take care of me. I have since found out, that this is simply not the case! This is all a legal game to my employer and I am it's pawn. I've not had but one call from the owner of the store that I worked in and that was an entire week later AFTER the incident. I personally believe that the only reason He DID call was a friend of mine had just given him a piece of his mind when confronted as to what was wrong with him and why was he so upset! The managers of the store, of whom I was to begin training as part of their management team, have not called my house one time to ask how I am. My fellow employees ask about me all the time and have sent me cards and sent a plate of cookies home and one even came by at Christmas with gifts for my kids and dinner. My bosses don't seem to care but my fellow workers do, I find that strange. I'm now not certain that I would even consider being part of such a management team. Not in this lifetime, I assure you!

I have had to hire a lawyer to assist me in getting the things due me. I ended up firing one lawyer as he did nothing for my case and had to hire another lawyer. This one does care and is doing all He can to help. These benefits are my right as an employee injured on the job, I now have to fight for in a court of law. Why is this? I don't understand. I got hurt on the job, on the clock for pete's sake and I'm supposed to be taken care of because of it and I am not.

Is this justice? I think not!

I may not EVER be what I once was. I may not ever be that person I was only three short months ago. I may not EVER be able to work again I'm told. I have to re-train my brain to do things that I once was able to do. I have to re-learn things that I used to know, as in math, reading and writing, simple things as a child would have to do in elementary school. What a blow to me!!! I've questioned this daily. I've questioned myself each and every day since my injury. It's been almost a year now and I've not received one thin dime rightly due me. Not one cent! I have lost my home, not once but TWICE and have to move in with my mother. I had rent to pay, just as any other American citizen. I had electrical bills, telephone bills, water bills, gas bills, car notes, insurance bills, dental bills, doctor bills, ect, ect. I had a life before this accident and in that life like any other person, I had financial obligations that I can no longer meet now. I can't even give my own children $5 for the movies, I simply don't have it. My children deserved better than this. One can only borrow so much from family and friends until there is no more to borrow.

There you have it my story.

Email Dianna