Once my eyesight came back to a tolerable level, my sternum healed from the heart surgery and I had another cardiac surgery to treat my long-standing arrhythmia, I began gradually to realize the numerous cognitive and emotional problems I have now. My memory is completely unpredictable and generally lousy and I cannot stay organized in any area of my life. I am emotional at the slightest event (sad, angry, happy). Worst of all is that wall of fatigue I hit every day; at least after nearly two years I can recognize it and sometimes accept it with grace.

I have continued to work, as a marriage and family therapist, despite the challenges and fear. I have not had cooperation by my coworkers--I think largely because my disabilities are not obvious to others. And I also share in some denial and reluctance to share with others the extent of my disabilities.

I live in a small Eskimo village 540 miles north of Anchorage, on the northwest coast, 50 miles above the Arctic Circle. I have been here since 1991 and it is my home, but it is a very challenging place to live even without brain injuries. Because I don't want to leave I've had no formal rehab whatsoever and all my recovery has been done on my own initiative. Because I have no family here (except my wonderful German Shepherd) it has been real lonely sometimes. I suffer from a lack of confidence in being able to find a partner now what with my emotional intensity, my many scars, and my disabilities....

If I look at my life compared to what it once was it is a giant ledger of losses--I maintain very little of what I was once able to do. It seems I grasp at things, get ahold briefly, before time runs out and I must turn to the next task, leaving a great scatter of previous tasks and goals behind.

And yet at the same time, every day when I see my scar I am grateful for the astounding discovery of my aneurysm, the chance for a very difficult surgery done by a world-class team (University of Washington in Seattle). My brain injuries are the price I pay for my life. My sister and friends say that I am a more spontaneous person now, loving, honest and real. In the old days I would have said that those are indeed the most valuable attributes of a person; and yet, I was more concerned with being competitive, smart and ambitious. I now must accept that while I have less of the latter I have more of the former.

I am glad to read your stories, to see part of myself in all of them. We share the same journey.