I was taken to hospital but fortunately there was very little blood and no broken bones so my husband drove me home two hours later. I could not believe that I’d had such a miraculous escape! How many people have their car written off by a lorry and walk out of casualty! O.K., I had a headache and whiplash but I thought I would be fine the next day. The next day came and in the days that followed I noticed that my memory was like a sieve and I had the concentration of a gnat. Three weeks earlier I had graduated from university as a mature student, I had been able to study a full-time course and look after the home and family but now I was confused, forgetful and exhausted. The possibility of brain injury did not occur to me but I visited my doctor because I could not understand how I could be so different. This was the beginning of a series of investigations: a brain scan led to a referral to a neurologist who sent me to a neuro-psychologist for an assessment. By September I had started driving again and this triggered Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. I had started a post-graduate course but could not retain information and kept falling asleep. In December I decided to leave the course because I could not cope with the stress of not being able to cope with the work. By February I learnt the extent of my problems: left and right brain injury, memory and concentration deficits, dyspraxia, general slowing of mental processes.

All this time my family supported me, putting up with my mood swings, bouts of crying, frustration and depression. Instead of a placid, organized, quick-thinking and focused person I could not sleep, could not finish a simple task, could not remember what someone said five minutes ago. I had the feeling that I no longer knew who I was; I felt that I did not have a role in life anymore. My children were grown up and after graduating I had planned to study further and then teach. Now I was unemployable unless it was for an hour a day performing a simple task and then I would need a rest period! Driving was exhausting and stressful but I live in a rural area where there are only two buses a week and I could not settle at home.

In August 1999 I applied for a place on a two-year part-time teaching course and was accepted. My tutor has encouraged and supported me every step of the way, other students on the course have helped with practical problems and given me the warmth and comfort of their friendship. The course has given me a renewed sense of purpose; although I may never be able to cope with teaching as a job I have grown as a person and will use what I have learnt in voluntary work.

The first year of TBI was full of confusion, despair and grief. The second was a time to learn to survive and adapt and it was filled with frustration, anger and depression while I tried different ways of trying to find a point to carrying on. In this, the third year, I am learning to forgive myself my mistakes, accept that low stamina and poor memory are now a part of my life and to allow for them in it, and to acknowledge that, although this is not the path I chose, life can still be rewarding. I continue to see a neuro-psychologist on a regular basis and am starting psycho-therapy for the PTSD. I am not sure whether the grief ever goes away but the love and support of family, friends and everyone I have met through the TBI Chatroom and e-mails, have kept me going. I have learnt to hang loose, chill out and laugh at my mistakes, I have met many interesting people and many people who have helped me to laugh again and that is really good.

Email Fiona