i dont remember muchabout that day,the day mylife changed foreverand i became somone else. it was august 29 1997 and itwas humidhot and iwas pregnent which didnthelp much neither. my frend jenny ( whowas aslo pregnent waswith me) and me wer goingto pickup myboyfriend from work,wehadjus gotdone shopping at targetan i had afunny feeling wash over me. jenny remembers this clearly today, prolly wishing she hadtoldme just to call dan andlet him know hed have toget a nother ridehome, but we went anyways. the ridewas plesent tho, i wasdriving my dreemcar my jeepcherokee green 4 doors,it was the veehickle i always wanted and it took me toget to 25 yearsold befor i got it!!! ilovedmyjeep and so we drove to pickup dan. he was working in minnetonka and when we gotthere i got out to lethim drive, after all i waspregnent and morningsickness wasnt just in the morning! so dan got inkissed me helloand we wereoff, wetold himofour target escapade and what webought, butsomehow we had forgotten theweird feeling ihad aswe left target and so we didnteven mention it. we were tooling down hwy169 south and it was6 oclock sothere was traffick, i remember waiting in gridlock cars right by valley view road and 169 and thats it (until much later) now for the rest of thestory i must relie on dan and jenny's memories. we were stopped at the stupid stoplight there the first in line to go, when the light turned green dan tookoff and as he was turning the jeepto get on to 494 east i noticed a black sportycar flythru the light i yelled to dan to watchout!! look!! and i leaned into dan to avoid being creushed, since it was comming rightatme. the little sportscar was goig about 60 or so and tossed my jeep over somelanes of traffick and we laned upside down. the airbag blew and knocked the daylights outa dan, so once we stoppedhehad toget out, shock is a very weird thig. jenny was upsidedown crying to be let out, and i was also upside down,silent. within minuted paramedics were there getting allthe people out andin ambulances except for me, they presumed iwas dead, i looked dead, i was as silent as death would be. but firemen and pararmedicks tried to remove me, they realized they needed morehelp, the jaws of life to the resuce!!! they finally got me out and transported me to hcmc to try to save my life, and my unborn babys life. this is all that was needed to be said, you dont need to know that i was in coma for some days or icu or a knapp rehab or any of that. you dont need to know that thaytold my parents nothing they shouldhave known, like how the depression will chewme up like gum, how i will act different i will have moodswings I WILL BE DIFFERENT. but thats fine. i often wonder what i wasthinking as i watched a car speedingright tword me, i wonderif ithought i was goingto die. i often wish ihad. i wonder now tho if i can ever learn to deal with my memory losses my headaches my little siezures my no dreaming, of how new people scare me, of how crowds scare me, of why i am on so many pills, and will my daughter understand that i do love her even tho sometimes i wished i had died. i just really wonder tho, more than anything, will i ever learn to like this new me, the one i didnt ask for, i liked the old one just fine, i want her back everyday, so when will i get her back??? deal with it, eveyone says your DIFFERENT but better!! that doesnt help menone i liked the old but worse alot bettere. but for that i dont have a reciet for i cant return the new me and get the old one, like they all sayit's just somethingigotta DEAL WITH. and thats not fair
