Hi! I am Heidi Aulenbach and like most of you, I do have a TBI I recently moved from Denver, Colorado to Orange County in California where my family and friends live. It has been eight years since I moved to Denver.

Before I go on, there are some things you should know about me. I am born 36 years ago with deaf-blindness. I can see in my left eye but has low vision and is almost blind in the other. For being deaf, I do have residential hearing in both ears and can be helped by hearing aids. At age of 13, I started having seizures. My deaf-blindness and epilepsy was not the result of the TBI that I had five years ago. Is this an ironic twist that I was twice disabled, eh?

I moved to Denver from California in summer of 1993. Afterwards, I was being accepted into the deaf community and being asked to represent the deaf-blind on several committees. I held several jobs working with people and got married in 1995 before deciding to return to school to pursue a BA degree in Social Work in the fall of 1996. I got accepted into the Social Work program, being on the honor roll, the marriage was going well, being an active member of the deaf community and a part-time job at the campus library was what I was enjoying at that time. Everything was going so well until on that fateful day that changed my life on April 16, 1997.

I remember that morning: getting up and dressed for the day, having breakfast and the phone rang. It was a friend calling to make plans for our meeting for coffee. (This friend mentioned the phone call in which I vaguely recalled and what it was about). It was late as I am due for work at the library so I made the conversation quick and then went out of the door to walk to the bus stop, as I don't drive. I do not remember what happened next. I can imagine myself walking up to the curb and waiting to cross the street to where the bus stop is.

According to what I was told later on, the sun was bright and made it hard to see what was happening on my left side. I know that I would have looked both ways as it was my habit, and seeing that it was clear, and proceeded to cross the street, unaware that a car was heading westward on the street, on a collision course with me. When the car impacted me on my left side, my body went over the grille and to the windshield where my head was hit and my brain bounced to the right side against the skull and only suffering bruises on my body.

I was taken to the nearby St. Anthony's Central Hospital where I was examined and found to have only suffered bruises on my body, and a traumatic head injury resulting in a coma. A MRI and a CAT scan was done on me. ICU was my next stop.

In the following selections from a journal that my Mom kept about my hospital stay:

April 16 Wed AM: Admitted Wed after colliding with a car in front of the apts-She arrived without ID so was Jane Doe for several hours until the police identified her and found Tim (husband). She has head injury but no broken bones-
Hospital called Dad's 800 number about 12:40. Dad called Mom at school (Mom is a teacher) and Alison and Gretchen (sisters) at work. Bob and Mary Ann (parents in law), Marvel (supervisor) and other friends came to the hospital to visit.

April 17: Heidi has 2nd brain scan- saw less blood in the brain. Have several visitors. Was taken off respirator and put on a breathing tube.
PM- Mom and Alison arrived.
Nurse Laura was off duty but stayed to meet Alison and Mom.
Heidi was restless, especially her legs. She appeared to be trying to climb out of bed. Open eyes occasionally.

During this time, I had many visitors and normally as a deaf community, deaf people would come in, sit down and talk with their hands in the waiting room. I can imagine the waiting room being almost full of people and of course, flying hands! People would come in and almost filling the room, making me anxious so Alison and my husband has to explain to the visitors that only two people were allowed in the room at one time.

My father did not arrive until two days later and joined my mother and Alison for the next two weeks. They stayed at a nearby house that served as a rooming house for those who came to visit family members who are at the hospital. I was in a coma until April 22nd and officially, I woke up from the coma. It also happened to be Tim's and my second wedding anniversary. The nurses had a little cake made and the room decorated for the occasion. I was given an anniversary card with two silver heart-shaped earrings inside from my parents and today, I do have one of these earrings turned into a necklace charm as a reminder of my second chance at life.

One night, I had a dream in which I was trapped in a darkened room with a curtain between the door and me. I managed to go past the curtain to the door. Once outside, I was standing in a dim hallway and I then walked, trying to find a way out of this maze. There were no exits, just walls and dim lighting. (That was the only memory while I had while at St. Anthony)

Seven days later, I was transported to Craig Hospital in nearby Englewood. It is a well - known rehabilitation center for patients with spinal cord injury and traumatic brain injury. During the ride in the ambulance, I finally became awareto what was happening around me. It is my first memory--the ride to Craig Hospital. Up to that point, I do not remember anything of my stay at St. Anthony's.

Once I arrived at Craig, I settled in my room with two other women and the staff encouraged things that reminds of home so I had my own clothes, one bedspread, and a picture of me in my wedding gown.

After I had settled in, my family flew back home to California as I was in the capable hands of the staff and caring friends in Denver. My first visitor was Cathy, a deaf friend who later put up the cards all over the wall and next to the window so that the wall won't look dull!

I had a telecommunication device for the deaf (a device that is half typewriter and half telephone that the deaf uses) and a TV with captions put next to my bed. The next night, a friend came by and noticed that the TV was a bit small and the captions hard for me to see. He then went to the nursing station and demanded that I get a bigger TV! A bigger TV was installed the next day.

On the second day, I was taught to use the day timer to use to go to different therapies: speech and language, physical, occupational, and recreational. The atmosphere is causal, yet professional. I can wear my own clothes that are comfortable, and the therapy staff did the same. For the most part, the staff was friendly and pleasant. That made the experience at Craig a positive and relaxing atmosphere while we received our rehabilitation therapy.

I lasted four months at Craig and the visitors become fewer but Tim came three times a week to see me. Tim was taking classes at the community college and being deaf-blind himself, taking the bus from home and school to the hospital back and forth. It was hard on Tim having to balance classes, schoolwork, and going to see me but he was able to do it.

During my stay, my two sisters each came to see me separately from California and be there for me and seeing my progress. My younger sister, Alison got her wish to see me walk, but with some help from my walker. Alison joined me and Tim for an outing to the zoo. At other time, my older sister, Gretchen came and was there for a few days. She participated in our monthly meeting to check on my progress.

I progressed nicely as I had an easygoing personality so I eagerly went to all of my therapy sessions. I didn't need a sign language interpreter at all but on a few occasions for one therapy class and some meetings. To communicate with others, I either use pen/pad, an erasable white board or basic signs. I taught several others some signs and they liked that.

The surprising thing was the speed of how fast I was learning stuff. I didn't start to write legibly (but still shaky) and at that, I wrote maybe up to five letters that I actually mailed out. I did some fine hand coordination doing cross-stitching using color guides. One of my strengths before the accident and that is in language skills and I still have that skill. I can see the first letter and I did remember some things and with clarity in almost good grammar.

I was able to use expressive language using speech and signing, at the same level as before the accident. I could understand what was written and what people tell me. So my language skills were intact after the accident. Still with therapy, I was able to relearn the language skills at healthy rate. Many deaf adults would have lower language skills so in either case, supposely with a TBI, would have a low language level. I am one of the rare deaf (even deaf-blind) adults who can read and write at a college level. Later on, I would learn otherwise about the other deficits that are common in persons with TBI that were to follow me after my discharge from Craig. I wasn't prepared for what to follow my discharge and would become a struggle for my sense of identity for the next few years. All I knew that I need to let my brain heal for one year. Since, I enjoyed wine, I decided to abstain from drinking alcoholic beverages for a year.

I was discharged in August so that I can start school and just try to take a class at the college. Classes started at the end of August and I went until it was getting confusing and still tired. I was still taking naps maybe like two hours or more each day. I withdrew as I decided to take a break from school. I was looking at the prospect of staying home til one deaf woman called and offered a part-time job as an instructor in a pre-vocational training class. I took up on that offer and was there for three months. I was not asked back. Also at the same time, I was taking rehab classes for writing and reading as an outpatient at Craig. During that time, I began to notice that I was getting depressed one time or other but more intense. I started to complain and whimper and that was according to my husband. I could not figure out why I was being depressed. Also, my husband, at times, abused me: physically and verbally. It happened a bit more often. My husband graduated from college with a AA degree and was offered a job right away so that took some stress off financially. Finally the next fall, I returned to school part time and I was happy to be back at school. Tim began to talk about one woman he met at work to me and even to our families. I met her once but for some reason I didn't like her.

My family who lived in California was very concerned and I was trying to help Tim. Tim was becoming more distant and I decided that I would go to California for Christmas by myself. On the last day of classes and it was three days before I was to leave for California and I found out that my husband was seeing that woman from work so I left the next day to sleep at a friend's house before going to the airport. Instead of two weeks, I ended up one month at my parents' house and we, and the social worker at Craig made arrangements for me to stay at a women's shelter until an apartment is ready for me the next month. I eventually went back to school and also started to feel a lot of depression, confusion and anger. I felt that the deaf community that I worked was abandoning me on several committees. I would write email notes with negative thoughts and feelings to my family and friends.

I filed for a legal separation and the divorce did not become final til six months later. Tim and I cooperated and I forgave him, as I didn't want to be burdened with a grudge over the abuse and affair. Living at the women's shelter was an experience in itself. The women and children came from abusive homes and it was a safe place for them at this charming house, which is big and has many rooms. I was there when school started but the campus was not far off.

Finally the apartment was ready at the beginning of February, and was in a building with good security. The unit was a one bedroom and is in a corner so it was nice and has space. It was the first time that I have on a place all to myself. For two years and half, I lived at the place. There were several other deaf people so I was not the only one. Six months later after moving into the apartment, my depression worsened and being ripped off by a con artist was enough to wake me up to the fact that I needed help. I was given anti-depressant medication for the depression that I was still having. Most of the time, I felt lonely and not having a social life, it was miserable except socializing with other on campus or around the apartment. I went to few deaf social events as I don't drive and don't know who to ask for rides. My outbursts were writing emails expressing anger and blaming family or friends. I tried to get back into the deaf community. I was offered to chair a committee for deaf-blind people but after a year, I had to throw in the towel due to some problems with emotional and cognitive/executive tasks. I didn't know what the problem was or have a name for the problems at that time A few months later, I accepted a position on the board for the state deaf association at the last minute to meet the quorum.

At times, I was so close to giving up; I never gave up the goal of getting a college degree. One of the most memorable was going to Seattle to do an internship at an agency geared to serving a sizeable deaf-blind population there. I continually felt tired and took naps but managed to enjoy Seattle. The senior year, I had to take a full load as I am taking an internship for one year with a concurrent class and taking a class per semester.

When my graduation neared I realized that it was my brain injury responsible for my depression and in turn causing those outbursts, I then gradually stopped having outbursts. A few months later, I started counseling to learn how to deal with my depression and it was a godsend.

I had some cognitive therapy as it was discovered that I wasn't tested much on my cognitive processing abilities while at Craig except the psychological tests done by the staff neuropsychologist. My college studies were in the way so we didn't do any therapy til after my graduation.

After graduation, I was wondering what is my future in Denver going to be? I looked for jobs but to no avail and I had a friend from California staying in Denver. He used to live in Denver before but the deaf community has changed so much, and was being miserable, decided to leave for California. Seeing the similar situation I am in, decided to move back to California after eight years.

Two months after moving to California and having settled in nicely with another deaf woman who is my best friend and her hard of hearing brother as housemates, I am doing much better. My depression has gone away.perhaps it is the weather? There are more job opportunities out here than in Denver so I am satisfied that I will find a job with the deaf here in Orange County.

You have read my story and yes, there are other people who have pre-existing disabilities like blindness or deafness before their brain injury and I am sure they are feeling alone and not having anyone to talk to and share their experiences. I am looking for deaf adults who have sustained a TBI and have gone the same path I have. I hope my story has given you extra inspiration to go on with your life. There is HOPE.

Email Heidi