On Friday, May 11, I had gone in the morning to watch my oldest son graduate from college...a high point in my life since I had had a stroke 5/16/01. That evening, which was my usual girls night out...went to meet my neighbor at the show and then go someplace to eat.

I met her at show (though think things started happening to me then), after I drove on the freeway to meet her at one of our usual restaurants. At the restaurant, I was only able to respond to her with single words, mostly "what", "yes", "no".

I must have pointed at something to eat in the restaurant, I remember the waiter (who had waited on us several times) looking at me with a very concerned look (for one thing, not something that I ever had ordered).

When the food arrived, she then determined that I was mad at her, because I wasn't talking, and left me sitting in the restaurant. The waiter brought a big platter of something that I would never have ordered normally and my check.

I could not find my money (which if I had been thinking correctly; my wallet had fallen to the floor in the car and I could have gone out to get it); I also had money in a different location in my purse (that I also didn't think about).

I then wrote my name on the check itself, left the food uneaten in the To Go container on the table, and walked out.

I then drove on the freeway (a very busy freeway) to another location that my friend and I would usually go to on girl's night out. I walked in, couldn't find any money, and walked out.

I then drove back on the very busy freeway back to the main part of town, but since I had been feeling strange, I then drove home. (Normally, would have stopped to get iced tea at Wendy's, cause I always do; but didn't that night).

Went into the house, back to bedroom, took off my clothes, nightgown on, got in bed. My sons, 16 and 22, were asking me questions about how I was doing, what was the matter (because I was home a lot earlier than usual), etc.

I could not respond to them. They told my husband something is wrong with Mom. Husband said, she is just tired, let her go to bed. They were arguing with their Dad and said, No, we are calling 911, there is something wrong. (the 16 year old was with me at the time of the first stroke).

A few minutes later, about 5 EMT are guys standing at the foot of the bed; trying to get stretcher thing to me...asking me "can you smile", "show me your teeth", "raise your arms", stuff like that...they were concerned...they couldn't move our king-size bed...so asked me if I could walk over to it. I said "yes" and they took me out and into ambulance. I then started seizure activity in ambulance. I could just see darkness out of the back of the ambulance; they had hooked me up with oxygen and some kind of, IV.

At the hospital, they cut my favorite nightgown, right down the middle; I then remember having a tremendous headache, held on to the side rail of the bed, and throwing up on the floor.

I am now a two-time survivor. I am struggling with Broca's aphasia. But Thank God I am still here.

In May of 2001, had worked 1/2 day (work split shift), and decided to go home to get my sister, mother, and youngest son to take to dinner before returning for other half of my shift.

In restaurant during dinner, got into heated argument with my sister (that's another long story), but felt like my blood was boiling I was getting so upset.

Then for a few minutes my vision started to do something weird...can't actually describe it, everything seemed to close down for a few seconds and then came back. Didn't think anything about it. When waitress came for order, took 3 times to think what wanted to order. Mother and sister laughed thought I was just tired.

After dinner, they went to go out to car, 10 yo son stayed with me. Waitress brought check. Tried to add tip on check but only could write 00.00. Thought that was strange, so scribbled it out and did it again. Must have done it 20 times with same answer. Then started drawing on table with my credit card.

My son getting really upset, saying what's wrong with you mom. Just looked at him, now know what it would be like to be totally retarded or possibly for people with alzheimer's. Can remember what people said to me that day clearly but could not speak or really comprehend what they were saying.

He pulled me away from table and up to cash register. I stood there with check in one hand and credit card in other. The people said "is something wrong" "can we help you?" Just stared at me like I was crazy. Couldn't respond. Son pulled me out of restaurant.

Went out to car. Mother and sister waiting there. Couldn't get keys out of my purse. Son did. Mother and sister thought I wasn't responding due to being mad at my sister.

Got in car. Drove 14 miles. Sister said pull in by grocery store, she wanted cigarettes. I pulled into parking lot. Drove around twice. Parked car. Son screaming at me to respond to him, even swearing trying to make me say something. Could not. Remember feeling chilled. Hard to breathe. Felt like I was panting for air. All I remember is son crying and screaming right in my face. Mom, mom, talk to me, mom. I could not but will never forget his face.

Evidently had grand mal seizure, but don't remember. Then stopped breathing. Face was white and lips blue. Loss of bladder control. My elderly mother who is 87 was sitting next to me. Said she knew I was "gone".

My son was the only one who knew how to use my cell phone. He called 911. They later told me EMT people came and revived me, took me by ambulance to hospital.

Sister called my husband and oldest son, 17, to come. Was totally out of it there. Don't remember them putting tubes up my nose, oxygen, IV's in, heart monitor, catheter, etc. But must have been combative as they put restraints on me.

This by the way was all on my 19th wedding anniversary.

Anyway, next morning, remember doctor coming in asking questions, Who is president? Where are you? What year? Didn't know the answers to the questions. Didn't know them for three days.

After three days in ICU, moved me down to regular floor for another couple days.

Said I had stroke on left-side of my brain, parietal and front temporal followed by grand-mal seizure. Don't know cause. So put me on all the prevention meds. Supposed to stay on for year.

Gained new perspective on what gift it is just to be alive. How we forget about how wonderful life is. Worry about things not important. That life and health are so important. We take too much for granted. How beautiful to see the sunrises, sunsets. Was so glad just to see my loved ones again. Have written letters to my children about the things I want them to know about how I feel about them. Was afraid if I didn't do that, what if never again had the chance.

Now walking (somewhat frankensteinish) with cane, short-term memory shot, have aphasia (but more with understanding and reading), better with speech and writing (except for some delays). Have pain all the time, in my head, and my arms and legs, especially right side. Have weird sensations of tingling, burning, buzzing. Most problems on right side. Vision fuzzy on right side (mostly affects print). Lot of side effects from meds. Hurts to lift my arms for more than a minute, feel like dead weights.

Say lots of things I don't mean, and say "thing" for words I can't think of. Have been known to call my boys by my cat's names (never did that kind of thing before). Jumble words up making new ones like "canpakes." Can't seem to focus on more than one thing at a time. Colors and bright lights, loud noises bother me.

Undergoing physical therapy, occupational therapy, speech therapy. Most frustrating thing not being able to get across to people how I feel, and what things are like on the inside. Always hear, "but you look okay." They have no clue. Family has been pretty good, but tired of waiting for me to be better. Losing patience.

Well, enough for now, may post my poem under the poetry section. I'm glad I have finally found place to talk to other people who have been through this. You have all made me feel most welcome and I am very grateful for that.

Talk about telling your "life history":), but there it is. Your friend, and new survivor.