Jeff suffered a Traumatic Brain Injury from a shearing injury that left him in a coma. I will never forget the doorbell ringing at 1:10 AM and the policeman telling us that our son had been in an accident, was unconscious and had been airlifted to Harborview Medical Center in Seattle. It was only later that we found out had the medics not chosen to airlift him, he would not have made it. I know we went into immediate shock. My wife and I tried calling the hospital and got no information so we immediately left for the hospital. When we arrived all they would tell us was that our son, was unconscious and was in the emergency room and that we could not see him. We sat what seemed like an eternity until about 6:30 AM when we were told that he was in a coma and that we should prepare for the worst. He was given 48 hours to live, with severe brain injuries, despite the fact that there was not a mark on his body. We were informed and then left to ourselves. We did get to see him in the intensive care unit but we were asked not to stay but a few minutes.

It was not until mid-day that we were able to notify our younger son, Dan, that his brother had been injured. He rushed to the hospital and you could tell from the look on his face that he was devastated and scared. Jeff and Dan had always been close (only 17 months apart in age). Dan was about to have his life change along with the rest of us and he didn't even know it. From the beginning and through this day he has done whatever has been asked of him to assist in his brother's recovery. He willingly took a back seat in attention so we could focus on Jeff.

It was at this point in time that our roller coaster ride truly began. A ride that meant watching Jeff, trying to help him, trying to get people to tell us what was really going on, observing good and bad caregivers, good and bad therapists, dealing with bureaucracy and the unknowing, having to communicate with people who just didn't care and seeing friends come from all over to visit Jeff in his time of need but then falling away over the years. Sadly, only a small handful are left today.

Jeff remained in a coma for two weeks. My wife and I spent the time, all day, all night at his side, talking to him, touching him, squeezing his hand, doing what it took. Dan came by every day to be with his brother. There were days that I know that it was very hard on him, but he too hung in there for us and with us. People ask us today "How did that happen? How could you do it? How did you deal with it?" Well, I didn't know the answer before, but I know it now. WE HAD NO CHOICE! We had to do what we had to do. Jeff was the priority. We decided within two days of the injury, after hearing what doctors, nurses, administrators and bureaucrats had to say, that we would begin video taping Jeff's progress. In addition I started a daily log which I still do to this day. Day in and day out, I document everything that happened and that continues to happen. Where people were, what they said, what they did, how they did it, what their attitudes were, all to keep it in perspective, knowing that the only people who were going to bring Jeff out of this were us and him. And he certainly needed us as much as we needed him.

I must say that the nurses in the intensive care unit were exceptional. They treated Jeff with dignity and compassion, if not for their help 24 hours a day, monitoring him, explaining what was going on combined with the care they gave (which was phenomenal) I know Jeff would not have made it. Unfortunately, they were the only ones who showed any compassion. As I said, friends came and friends went. That is life, but these people, the Intensive Care Nurses, do it day in and day out and I commend them for it.

Those two weeks while Jeff was in a coma were beyond belief, we went from "Say your good byes" to "You have 48 hours" to "You have maybe a week" to "Well he's starting to come out of it" to "You could have as much as three months to see what can happen and how much he can heal." And it did not stop there, over time it was three months and, "MY GOD, we don't know what's going on, you now have probably a year, maybe two years". Then at a year it was maybe three years, then at two years maybe five years. We have learned that there is no time limit on healing, that it is all inside and it's what you make happen that counts and what you go through that drives you. And boy were we driven!

Day in and day out we watched Jeff through the coma. We saw the little things, the hand movement, we watched his eyes open on occasion, we watched the blankness is his stare, we waited. Every day I got up in the morning and can remember going to the hospital thinking I would see my son awake and saying "HI, Dad." It didn't happen and it didn't happen and it didn't happen!

During this time we were constantly told "Have guarded optimism, but no more than that, it could be very bad on you". They were constantly preparing us for the worst when we were constantly fighting for the best. Then a breakthrough started to happen, Jeff started, very slowly, to come out of the coma, he would squeeze the hand of his Mother, she would talk to him daily, all day, over and over, talking him back to us. Sometimes I had to leave the room, it was traumatic and when you go through this it's something that you're not prepared for.

Friends already were starting to come by less and less often (even our parish priest was unavailable - at our request he came by once to see Jeff and after that we never saw him or heard from him again); and when they did come, they didn't know what to say, no one is prepared for this, no one understands Traumatic Brain Injury. Despite the falling away of friends, the priest and the parish we were blessed with family who cared from that first day. My wife Gigi has had her sister to lean on and we have both had the support of my mom, dad and sister and her family (all of them are out of state and we are now closer to them all then ever before). Gigi also had several friends here locally who were there whenever we asked. And Gigi, Dan and I had each other.

I certainly didn't understand TBI when it hit our family, I had to educate myself, on the Internet, from the library, from having the nurses go to the monitors and explain to me everything, anything that was going on. So I could watch my son, so I could see what was happening and watch him come back. As Jeff came out of the coma we observed as they moved him to another floor where he got less service. We had to start doing more. The people, the bureaucrats, the caregivers, everyone was so aware of saying or doing the wrong thing. Jeff was not the priority anymore for them, it was Cover Your Ass time. This was scary, this made us even more driven to being there for Jeff, to fighting the fight with him and for him. And we fought every inch of the way through therapists, good and bad, through doctors, good and bad, through bureaucrats, the politicians, people who just didn't care, who wanted their money but could care less about Jeff. It was inconceivable, it was disgusting.

For the next four months we watched as Jeff moved within the hospital from floor to floor, to different therapists. Because, you see, he came out of the coma with no capabilities, he could not walk or talk, he could not write, could not see, he could not eat without being fed by us, he could do nothing for himself. Little things like getting him to write his name for the first time after hours of putting a pen in his hand and saying "DO IT - WRITE YOUR NAME JEFF!" became our obsession. Hours of going to therapy, not doing it for just the hour they gave him but doing it for two, three, four hours each day became our routine. Being careful to watch that none of the caregivers gave him drugs was imperative. We had a very strong attitude on this topic, at times they wanted to give him drugs to stop "storming", to calm him down. We realized that all this did was shut the brain off, and what we really wanted to do was to turn his brain on, so no drugs became the rule. He was given drugs once and we stopped it immediately after that. It is something that I would recommend to everyone to watch, monitor and be careful of. Your loved ones need to be awake, need to be active, need to be stimulated and I think not having drugs was as important to Jeff's recovery as having family there being apart of it and having him know we were there. Also, the therapy that was given was very limited, they gave speech, occupational and physical therapy but only for short periods of time. As I stated earlier, patients with TBI need a lot of stimulation, motivation and a lot of work and this is something that we saw that was not happening. So we had to make it happen for Jeff or through the cracks he would fall.

In the months before Jeff came home he was on four floors of the hospital and in an in-patient care facility, the type of facility where people go to and are, in all reality, forgotten. We saw so many young and older people who had no visitors, no friends, and unfortunately they had fallen through the cracks. It was sad to watch but motivating for us because it re-enforced what we had to do. Once in one of the facilities I saw Jeff sitting in a wheelchair staring, strapped in because he couldn't walk and couldn't take care of himself. It was demoralizing. I had to tell them at one point in time "I never want to see my son just sitting and staring in a hallway in a wheel chair"; it was not what he was there for. During these times some bizarre occurrences happened. At the hospital they actually put Jeff in a room where the other patient was a drug dealer who had been beaten to within an inch of his life and had a brain injury. He was under 24 hour guard to protect him from further retaliation AND MY SON WAS IN THE ROOM WITH HIM. Obviously, I complained long and hard till we got Jeff moved. On two different occasions Jeff was lost in the hospital. One was almost humorous, I got there and he had left the floor despite the fact that he was wearing a bracelet that was supposed to set off alarms if he went through any of the doorways. He was nowhere to be found. I was up and down the hallways yelling and screaming, staff came running, they started looking and the next thing we knew here comes Jeff walking out of the elevator. He walked into his room and sat down on his bed. I asked him what had happened, where did he go? Well he knew it was about the time that I usually came and he told me that he went down to meet me. We had been told he was not capable of doing that, now we knew better.

In June, Jeff was released from the hospital to come home. The hospital staff, the therapists, the in-patient facility staff, where he resided for a time, all said Jeff was an uncooperative patient and they could do no more for him. They were ALL missing the point that being uncooperative was a result of his injury and a symptom that needed to be treated, not a reason not to give therapy. So when Jeff came home and since I was the only person he would relate to and would work with (he ignored everyone else, wouldn't do what they asked him to do, not that he was angry, he never showed anger, he was just confused) we made the decision that I would take time off and Jeff's Mom, brother Dan and I would focus our immediate lives on helping Jeff to heal and get better. We built a regiment, we got him up and stimulated every day, we worked with him, tried to keep him as active as possible. We continued to work at home on a routine to get Jeff to the point where he could be self sufficient at home and could be on his own there, which he became after a period of time. At first it was difficult to get him to get up, go to the bathroom and shower. He would forget things he had done and think he did things that he had not done. For weeks he would go to the bathroom every 10-20 minutes, not realizing that he had just gone there. We had to show patience and support and push him gently to learn and grow. We started with simple prompting and coaching and let go ever so slowly. We made him lists and reminders and kept stimulating and driving his mind to the limit. We started out-patient therapy at one of the TBI care facilities in the area. Once again after a few months of only going two to three times a week to therapy they decided they could do no more for him, BECAUSE HE WAS UNCOOPERATIVE. Once again they were missing the point.

Well, next the "experts" put Jeff through a battery of test. No one watched him on a daily basis, no one observed him in the real world. They gave him tests, they gave him math tests, psychology tests, motor tests, IQ tests but what they didn't realize was that Jeff has a history, from day one, from the day he was born, he doesn't like tests. We told the "experts" this and were ignored. He never did well in high school, in fact he flunked math. When asked later on in life he said he didn't like it because it wasn't interesting. Once he got out of school and could concentrate on what he wanted to do, electronics, he went to vocational school and got all A's in math. Now, once again he was trapped in a situation where they (the "experts") were giving him tests, tests that he didn't want or understand why he should have to be taking. But not one of these "professionals" took the time to get to know my son - not one! So the tests and the psychologist's analysis described him to be senile. He was going to live the rest of his life as senile, when he wasn't. They told us he would not remember things (who reading this has never forgotten something - something important?) But now Jeff was being pigeon holed for something everyone of us is guilty of.

We were told at one point in time, in a meeting "Be very careful, never let him out of your sight or left alone in public because he will get lost, he can't count money, he'll have trouble dealing with people, he'll have a tendency to get angry and he'll get frustrated." Well, yes he was frustrated, who wouldn't be? But he never showed any of the other signs. Then when we told them we already had been to the mall, let him go and do some of the things they said he couldn't do, they said that was not possible. As time went on Jeff continued to respond to the point that it was hard to remember what it was like when we started - that is what the log was for. The young man who couldn't count and we couldn't leave with a stove on or with the door open or worry about leaving alone became able to do all those things. He started to take control of his life again - taking care of himself and doing laundry, cutting the grass, playing with our dogs, shopping, dealing with people and doing the things that we were told he would never be able to do. Jeff started to become more social, he started to go out with his brother and with friends on occasion. He wanted to go see movies, wanted to get active and started to show the initiative they said he would never have. His short term memory also continued to improve, another thing we were told would not happen.

Once again we had tests done and this time they came back saying Jeff would never be able to work unsupervised, must have a mentor with him at all times, could not manage money and that he still couldn't be left to go to the store alone to shop even though we were already doing that for months. We were told that even though his healing process had not stopped that we were very close to where we were going to be with his recovery. This all went on as we continued to fight the bureaucracy, the medical bills (bills that were mounting and mounting and have yet to be paid); while the therapists, the doctors, the bureaucrats, every one kept telling us "No, you can't do that". Despite all of our attempts to find assistance we still did not know where to turn and had no one who could assist us and help us - just the way it was from the minute the injury happened. Some people did try to help, most couldn't, all fell by the wayside.

Time went on, two years after Jeff came home, as we continued the non-stop push to stimulate him while the healing process continued, he started to show signs of boredom, he wanted to do more, his initiative was improving, his short term memory was coming back. In fact, if you met him and talked to him, you wouldn't even know he had a TBI. But he did and he does! And he will always have it and he will never be the same but he will only continue to get better.

He wanted a job, so we started searching, going door to door, talking to people, networking, trying to find where to direct him and how to help him in his job search. We were sent to places he didn't belong, people with illnesses and problems that weren't the same, where it would be detrimental for Jeff to go. Doctors couldn't or wouldn't help, therapists couldn't or wouldn't help, the state wouldn't help, we seemed at a dead end, but we didn't stop. The support mechanism within our family (here, extended and with friends who stood by us) just grew tighter and tighter and more determined. Believe me, determination is what it takes. It's back to how can you do this, how could you? Again, a simple answer, you have no choice, you do it because you have to - because there is love involved.

So we continued the search for a job for Jeff. Well, Jeff's mom saw an ad in a local newspaper for part time landscaper and Jeff had done landscaping in the past and had done a very good job of it. In fact, he was cutting our grass at that very point in time. But again we didn't know if we were being told the truth when told "he'll never be able to work unsupervised". I called the number in the ad and it was a facility for assisted living and for people who needed housing. The first reaction I got from the gentleman I talked to was that they didn't have the time or manpower to give Jeff what he needed. If it was supervision that was required he didn't think it would be a good fit. I asked only one favor from him, meet with Jeff, talk to him and if it wasn't a good fit then so be it, but give him a chance. That's all we wanted - a chance. Well, he agreed, Jeff's mom drove him to the interview and sat in the car and waited, one half hour later Jeff came out and said he was starting the next day, knew how much money he was going to be making and he knew his work hours. We made arrangements at home (Gigi, Dan & I) to facilitate getting him to and from work. It was only two days a week, ten hours, but he was active. Two weeks went by and he was doing great, they were very pleased with his work. Before the end of the first month, this young man who would never work unsupervised was handed the keys to the place, he knew where everything was, and was told to open and lock up because no one could be there any more to supervise him and that he knew what his job was. Well, he has been doing that now going into the fifth month. Jeff, who wasn't supposed to heal, wasn't going to live is now working totally unsupervised. He is meticulous about his work. He reviews the grass cutting, weed eating and pruning he does every day to make sure it meets his high standards - he refers to himself as "a professional landscaper". No he does not drive yet but it is certainly one of his goals and his work has been so good that his employer has made arrangements to have other employees come and pick him up and take him to work on other sites. So what was a ten hour a week job has now become four to five days a week and six to eight hours a day.

Most important here is he is on his own and one thing we have noticed is on days that he works, he is open, energetic and talkative. His mind is stimulated and his brain is continuing to heal. Jeff has been very lucky, the friends that have stayed come and get him and go out together, go to the movies, go for a bite to eat or just to hang together and they even take him on trips. Dan sees Jeff almost every day, going places with him or just sitting and talking or watching TV together. He doesn't need to be at home constantly and at those times that he is out he is truly motivated. But when he does sit home, on days he doesn't work, with nothing to do and the phone doesn't ring he gets very passive and withdraws. This is something we are working on very hard and must continue to work on constantly (he does have an old computer setup with games, a TV, a library of movies, a VCR and a CD stereo system). He is now showing strong initiative on making his own phone calls. He calls his friends, he is active and Jeff is alive mentally. He goes to the grocery store and buys his own food and he cooks his own food. We can leave him on his own, he is totally self-sufficient, doing things we never thought were possible (because that is what the "experts" told us).

Within the last month Jeff was watching television and saw an ad for school and going back to finish your education. He called the phone number and they sent him information in the mail. He came to his mom and me and said "I want to go back to school and study electronics, how do we make it happen?" Well, that's where we were with the job six months ago so I figured let's see what happens. At this point in time we are working with the Brain Injury Association of Washington to search out some kind of schooling for Jeff. We are finding out that there are people out there who do care and want to make things happen. It's just that they are hard to find. We have realized several things through these last two years and nine months of our new lives. Things are changed forever and things do get better and continue to get better and most importantly, as bad as you think you've got it - you then run into somebody else who has it worse.

This leads me to the next part of what I would like to address in this article. I have some observations, thoughts and ideas I would like to share. Because now that we have been there, hopefully by sharing our experiences we can help someone else get through this. I can say it's lonely, it's painful, the hurt never goes away, there isn't a day that goes by that I don't think about the day of the accident, that I don't see my son laying in the hospital bed, sitting in the wheel chair. As I said we have pictures, video tapes and I have a daily log as a reminder. Not a reminder of the negatives but a remainder of the positives. So we can always see how far we have come and that maybe someday Jeff might want to know what actually happened over this time period, that he has no memory of (even though now his short term memory is very good and his long term memory is totally intact). Because if you met him on the street you would not know that he had been injured it brings the good and the bad. The good is obvious, the bad is people don't realize that here is somebody with TBI. And once you have it, it's not like a broken arm, it doesn't heal and it's gone. It's always there and you have to deal with it forever. I truly believe ours is a success story and is a miracle, we have met a lot of good people. But we have also met a lot of negative and uncaring people. We found that regarding TBI - few people even know it exists, everyone knows what MD or cancer is. People want to be compassionate about TBI but they just don't understand it and don't take the time to find out. Everybody seems to know someone who has had a brain injury but no one realizes the financial burden, the costs, the loneliness and the pain, that the TBI victim and the family and friends go through.

Having reviewed Jeff's history and progress I would like to concentrate on what we have learned, what we feel, what we think and how, just maybe, we can all work to make things better. We must realize that people and family who must deal with TBI need assistance. My thoughts, reflections and inputs are in no order of priority. I think each has its own weight and importance in its own way, in the healing process for the TBI person, for family, for friends, and hopefully so people don't have to continue to go through this over and over again. Everyday you can walk into an Intensive Care Unit in any hospital, whether it has a trauma ward or not, and you can see caring people such as nurses, ICU nurses and doctors helping to the best of their abilities. You will see patients in comas and you will see families sitting, staring and wondering what's coming next. People having no idea where to go, what to do, who to talk to or who will help them through this. Hopefully we can change that over time, we can make a difference, we can make things happen, that's what it's all about.

I direct these thoughts to the victims and survivors of TBI and to the associations out there that say they care, to the doctors, the nurses, the therapists, the lawyers, the bureaucrats, the politicians, the fund raisers and the community money and do so in two sections 1) survivors of TBI, their families and friends and 2) associations, medical groups, lawyers, politicians, bureaucrats and government, private assistance programs and the MEDIA:

If you are a survivor or if you have someone who is TBI find someone to talk to and talk to them. Maybe it's your wife, husband, son, daughter, family member, friend or someone who will just listen. We all need that. My wife, Dan and I found out that without each other we would never have made it. We had each other, we had a dedication, we had a direction but we couldn't do it alone. I don't think anyone can do it alone.

Stay in shape, exercise, go running, play tennis, walk, don't lose your own lives. I know it's hard to say; we fought it too. We were there with Jeff every day, we didn't eat right, we didn't sleep. We still get up in the middle of the night. I have not addressed much about what we went through compared to what Jeff did. We had sleepiness nights, there isn't a night that we don't wake up thinking about the accident. There are nights when my wife and I find each other staring out the window. We wonder why we still go through all those emotions to this day, but we are learning each day, just like our son is healing from TBI, so are we. We are continuing to heal in our own way so that we can assist him and move forward. It's forward you must go because if you are not, you're standing still and you might as well be going backwards. Make sure to have time alone and have time with people you care about. You need all of this because you need to maintain your energy or you won't be able to accomplish what needs to be done for the TBI patient. Don't forget family. It would have been easy for each of us (Gigi, Dan and me) to go our own way each day - but we didn't. We depended on each other, stayed together and communicated openly. We are each stronger and closer because of that.

You need to know what to expect from the medical industry and government. Quite frankly, this system whether it be the medical, government, insurance or legal is broken. It's broken worse than the brain of the TBI person. The system lets us all fall through the cracks, that's scary and I want people to know that. If we know it, we can change it, we can fight for it. First we have to realize it, accept the reality of it, and then we have to buckle down and do what's necessary to change it because if you and I can't do it for our sons, daughters and loved ones then who's going to? Be a sponge, always learning. I found from day one that while I was writing my log and doing the video taping that I wanted to learn. I wanted to know what the computers were saying, I wanted to know what my son's brain pressure was. I wanted to know as much as I possibly could about what was going on in my son's life. And I made them tell me! Sometimes they didn't want to, sometimes they didn't have time, if you can believe that. But, you force it, you push, you be persistent, you never give up. Don't take no for an answer, just keep coming and coming and coming. Whether it be the therapists, doctors, the nurses, the insurance company, the lawyers, the people demanding money, who ever it is, BE PERSISTENT! I found it keeps you going and focused.

Have a high energy level and stay in control, funnel the anger and emotions. And believe me the anger and emotions are staggering - The "Why"?, the "I don't know how to go on"? But you have to, you have no choice. Funnel all your emotions and make them work for you. Look at that person with TBI who needs your help, think about what you can do to help them, think about the end result that you want and keep focused on it. Stay in control, don't lose your temper, use the anger positively.

Quit dwelling on "why" as soon as you can. That's an easy statement to make and probably a bit mistaken because there's not a day that goes by that you don't ask why. There were days when I asked it for hours on end. Even though I was there stroking my son's forehead, talking to him, doing all that - I lived with the "why?". Learn to get past it, don't let it eat you up.

Realize that it is not bad to feel pain. If you don't feel the pain you can't feel the GOOD. Peculiar statement, maybe hard to understand but I know now that all the pain makes every bit of the good - feel - so good. Like seeing my son recognize his mom for the first time, write his name for the first time, say "Hi Dad", eat on his own for the first time, take his first step, seeing him walk down the corridor to meet me, seeing Jeff and Dan laughing and talking again. Those are moments you think you only have once in a life. I think we've been blessed because we've seen it twice in Jeff's life.

Remain positive through it all. Within that positive attitude be honest with yourself and others, don't kid yourself. Don't accept an answer because it is what you want to hear or because it sounds good at the time. At the same time don't accept an answer just because you're giving up or everybody told you so, it's not the case all the time. Do not be afraid to seek assistance. We all need it. In this time of need we can use all the support we can get, don't try to be the lone ranger.

Know and admit that things will never be the same. Today, I know that I'm not the same person I was before the accident, anymore than my son Jeff is or Gigi is or Dan is. Never stop loving, supporting and accepting support, be open as best you can, that's part of not giving up. Strive for the best. There were times in our recovery period that just seeing Jeff doing the littlest things meant the most. It is still that way today, any little change that is positive, we appreciate and use as motivation to move forward. Of great importance, don't be frustrated by the setbacks that you will incur - because they will happen. Then there are certain things one can do to keep the objective in sight and focused. Make commitments, write things down, tell people and then keep your commitment to do them. Don't ever give up. Whatever you commit to, DO IT!

Set realistic goals with NO time limits. We learned through all of this that whenever there is a time limit, it's meaningless, time is irrelevant when it comes to TBI. It's having the goal and then meeting it that counts. Setting your goals realistically and then going for them until they happen is what is important. Don't believe everything you hear, whether it's negative or positive. Make your own informed decisions, don't let someone else make decisions for you. Don't think with the heart alone, think with the heart and the brain, its part of the informed decision process.

Realize that you are not the first nor will you be the last TBI survivor, family member or friend to go through this. It happens every day more than we would like to know and more than 99% of the people in this world even realize.

Section 2 (associations, the medical groups, lawyers, politicians, bureaucrats and government, private assistance programs and THE MEDIA):

I would like to recommend to all of you that you all do a reality check, constantly, don't candy coat it, but be honest with people, not self-serving. And be compassionate and give people guided hope. Have a needs analysis check list for yourself and for people. Things that happen after a traumatic brain injury are mindboggling. Victims are sitting there wondering and everybody is saying it's the wrong time to talk to them because they're still in shock. But it's the right time, they need a shoulder, they need someone who cares, who can help them, give them some direction. They have questions about their loved one's needs, about costs and about therapy, to name a few.

You can go into any hospital that has a TBI ward and go to the computer and you can find all kinds of clinical information defining what it is, what the brain looks like, the types of injuries that can happen. But that's not what victims really care about. What they care about is that son, daughter, friend, wife or husband laying there in a coma and what can they do to help them and what will happen next. What are the caregivers going to tell them and why? What are the odds? What should they be doing? What are the financial ramifications, what are the insurance problems, do they need an attorney, is there a need for guardianship and on and on with questions that they have no answers to.

They need to be told over and over not to give up! That people need to know and they should always endeavor for the best that they can attain. That the cup is always half full not half empty.

Do all the stories have happy endings - NO, but that is not a reason to take a cover your ass approach! This life is precious and meaningful for all of us. This guide, that I recommend, should be an overview of problems victims can anticipate, things they should know about, things that they want to know about, so that they can hit them head on. That way the problems, that are sure to be faced, can be addressed without the victims being blind sided.

We had to deal with insurance companies, financial people, bill collectors, all the money that's due and is still owed, caregivers and attorneys telling us that we need to have guardianship, etc. All these things cost money, but there are few, if any, resources available. People need to know what to expect and where to go to find answers. My son wanted a job - we had to find it, we had to work through it, but what about all the people who don't have those kind of family resources that will persevere for them. My son wants an education, luckily we found some good people who are currently helping us to find that. People with TBI are falling through the cracks, it's happening every day, we need to help them, we need to be there for them.

YOU CAN HELP! Find the funding and use that funding for resources. Not just clinical resources to explain what the brain is all about, not just support groups, not things that segment the brain injured person. But resources that are viable, that are helpful, that make people feel like they are wanted, that they are real, that they are vibrant, alive and are actually living a life and enjoying it with dignity.

Associations, individuals and people who want to make it happen, who have the compassion and understanding to be an advocate, need to find that funding and use it wisely to get awareness and visibility. Don't be "politically correct" - it just doesn't work that way. I urge the associations to publish a guide from start to finish. A guide that can be used by the victims and survivors as soon as they find out what has happened to their loved ones and themselves. A guide on what to expect, what to do, what bases to cover, who to talk to, the difficulties and how to find assistance. And get involved in the trenches, not from the outside. Go into the war zone. Go into the waiting rooms in intensive care units and the rehab facilities. See what is really happening and then provide that valuable assistance to all of the victims right from the start of what is to become their new lives.

Don't sit in the background, get to the forefront, get the message out, talk to people, be part of the solution, not gasoline on the fire. Don't be afraid to buck the system and make a difference. Be Proactive, not Reactive!

I would like to close by saying that, yes, this is truly a miracle, a success story. But it's a success story that goes on and we're not finished. Jeff's not finished. We'll never stop trying, we'll never give up, and we will continue to heal and get better. This is not the whole story over these almost 3 years. It isn't even the tip of the iceberg. But maybe, just maybe this little snap shot can help someone who faces TBI today or tomorrow. Or maybe it can help a doctor, nurse, politician, bureaucrat, therapist or the Media to take a hard look and to maybe stop the CYA and start making a difference in this war.

I still search for the answer to "WHY?". And I always will. Do we still have problems - ABSOLUTELY! Jeff still faces initiative and memory problems and as a family we face a huge financial burden. Jeff continues to live at home with goals to drive, get his education and someday live on his own. Do we know that it will all happen? NO WE DO NOT - but if it doesn't happen it won't be because we didn't persevere to the best of our abilities.

Throughout this entire time since the accident we have depended on each other for support as a family (both here and extended) because that's the way it has had to be and because there has been no one else. It has been my wife Gigi who has been the glue that has kept us focused and going forward, she has been the cornerstone of our family.

Dan has grown both as a person and a man and we have been proud of the way he has stood by his brother. While Jeff, summed up in one phrase, is "Our Inspiration".

Every case of TBI is unique and that is part of the challenge, however the underlying theme is always the same.

I hope that this article has been informative and helpful to anyone who has had the opportunity or taken the time to read it.

We are proud of you & love you Jeff,
Dad

Email Dennis (Jeff's Dad)