MY NAME IS JODI (BELLA)

IT HAS TAKEN ME A LOT TO EXCEPT MY BRAIN INJURY. I HAVE BRAIN SWELLING AND FRONTAL LOBE DAMAGE. I FEEL I AM AT THE BEGINNING STAGES OF ACCEPTENCE. MY FIRST STEP IS TO SHARE MY STORY WITH MY TBI FRIENDS.

I WAS 18 YEARS OLD, THE DATE WAS JANUARY 26 1994. I WAS LOOKING FORWARD TO A NIGHT OUT WITH MY BEST FRIEND. MY FRIEND AND I WENT TO A PUB IN THE CITY. THE LAST FLASH MEMORY I HAVE WAS CALLING MY BOYFRIEND AT THE TIME AND HE WARNED ME OF SNOWY WEATHER CONDITIONINGS GETTING WORSE.I REMEMBER NOT TAKING HIM SERIOUSLY.

NEXT MEMORY WAS WAKING UP SEEING VAGUE IMAGES OF PPL STANDING AROUND ME.I KNEW I WAS IN THE HOSPITAL AND ONCE AGAIN LOST CONCIOUSNESS. I WAS IN THE HOSPITAL FOR 11 DAYS THEN RELEASED ON 24 HOUR CARE. I HAVE AMNESIA BEFORE THE CAR ACCIDENT, DURING, AND MONTHS TO FOLLOW. THE BEST I CAN DO IS EXPLAIN HOW THE TBI HAS EFFECTED MY LIFE.

I WAS ONLY 18 YEARS OLD AND A SINGLE MOTHER OF A 2 YEAR OLD SON.MY LIFE WAS BOMBBARDED BY REHAB WORKERS IN AND OUT OF MY APARTMENT EVERYDAY.I STILL DIDN'T UNDERSTAND WHY. I THOUGHT I WAS HEALED. AS THE WEEKS WENT ON I BEGAN TO HAVE HORRIBLE MOOD SWINGS, I WOULD CRY ALL THE TIME,I HAD EVEN ATTEMPTED SUICIDE BUT I WAS SAVED (THANK GOD)! I HAD NO FAITH AND EVENTUALLY BECAME A CLOSET ALCOHALIC. IF I DRANK I COULD FEEL IF I DIDN'T I WAS NUMB.

I SUFFERED FROM CHRONIC BACK PAIN AND WHIP LASH MY LIFE STOPPED I WAS NOT CAPABLE ANYMORE PHYSICALLY OR MENTALLY. I BEGAN TO SUFFER MANY ANXIETY DISORDERS DUE TO POST TRAMATIC STRESS DISORDER. I PUSHED ALL MY FIENDS AND LOVED ONES AWAY. I WAS EMBARASSED OF MY CONDITION. WHY ME? WHY DON'T I KNOW WHO I AM ANYMORE? NOT EVEN MY OWN FAMILY RECOGNIZED ME.NO ONE DID! MY LITTLE BOY KNEW I MAY HAVE CHANGED BUT HE KNEW I WAS STILL THE MOMMY HE LOVED.

UNTIL NOW I HAD BEEN TRYING TO BE THE OLD ME,THIS OF COURSE LED ME TO MANY MORE FAILURES TO COME. I WAS A LAW AND SECURITY STUDENT,PRESIDENT OF MY CLASS AND A SECURITY OFFICER.YET ANOTHER FAILURE. MY DREAM OF BEING A CORRECTIONAL OFFICER WAS LOST, ANOTHER DREAM TAKEN FROM ME.

I HATED THIS NEW PERSON I HAD BECOME. I JUST WANTED TO BE ME AGAIN. THE STRONG, INDEPENDENT, ENERGETIC,THE SOCIALLY POPULAR PERSON I USED TO BE.

I RECENTLY HAVE DISCOVERED IF I EMBRACE THIS NEW ME I CAN BE ALL OF THOSE THINGS,I JUST HAVE TO GO ABOUT IT A DIFFERENT WAY. WITH PATIENCE CARE AND GUIDENCE I CAN REACH NEW GOALS

MY SON IS NOW 9 YEARS OLD. HIS LOVE AND INNOCENCE GAVE ME STRENGTH DAY TO DAY. EVERYTHING I HAD LEFT IN ME WENT TO HIS CARE AND HAPPINESS. HE IS TRULEY MY LITTLE CAREGIVER. HE IS HAPPY, DOES WELL IN SCHOOL AND LOVES HIS INVOLVEMENT IN SPORTS ACTIVITIES. I LOOK AT HIM AND HE IS MY PROOF THAT I CAN ACCOMPLISH GOALS AS LONG AND HARD AS THEY MAY SEEM.

I WILL BE 26 SOON AND IN JANUARY I WILL BE 8 YEARS POST-TBI. THIS YEAR I SEE THIS AS AN ACCOMPLISHMENT AND WILL NOT GRIEVE FOR ALTHOUGH I STILL STRUGGLE AND SUFFER MIGRANES, SLEEP DISORDER AND ALL THE OTHER LOVELY SYMPTOMS OF TBI,I HAVE LEARNED TO LOVE LIFE AND NOT TO TAKE IT FOR GRANTED. MOST OF ALL I AM BEGINNING TO LOVE MYSELF AGAIN. I AM A SURVIVOR AND PROUD OF IT!

THANKS FOR ALL YOUR SUPPORT AND ENCOUAGEMENT
YOUR TBI FRIEND: JODI (BELLA)