Two years ago after attending a free country concert in Camden with my sister and my niece I woke in the middle of the night with a strange ringing in my ears which I thought was due to the loud music. I got up to get some water and fell to the ground and could not get up. Called for my sister and we decided it was probably just the beginning of the flu. The next morning I felt a little off balance but better.

My sister went home and I went to stay at a friends house. That night the same thing happened but much worse and with intense dizziness.

The next morning my friend took me to the hospital for the first of many brain MRI's to come. They determined I had a Cavernous Malformation in my Cerebellum near the brain stem - or to put it more simply - bleeding in the brain. My neuro-surgeon at that time opted to ride this one out hoping it was a one time deal and would not happen again.

The symptoms continued for a month and then I was fine and back to work I went!!!

Then in October of 1997 - it happened again - a new neuro-surgeon read the films and felt that radiation surgery was needed. They would try to fuse the area that was bleeding with radiation. They did that and that worked until March of 1998. Then I had another bleed. I went to one of the top Neuro- surgeons in Manhatten and May 13th I had a craniotomy done to for resection of the malformation.

I guess the surgery was a success because I am still alive - however it has left me with MANY physical disabilities. Thank God my mind is intact.

My problems now are:

severe headaches
poor vision - unable to hold a focus on anything - double vision
vestibular disorder - no balance at all
ataxia of left arm and leg - no coordination
intention tremors of left arm and hand - shaking constantly
severe vertigo - room spins at mach speed every waking hour
severe depression - that's what I have you all for

I use to live in New Jersey and work for the Associated Press in Manhattan, I am now unable to work-drive or do anything for that matter.

I was engaged to be married - however he felt the need to leave a couple weeks into rehab.

Lonliness is a definate problem but I am learning to cope.

I know have my own place which is nice, but I just don't know what to do with myself. The days are soooooooooo long. Any suggestions?

I am back into therapy again and am hoping to see a little improvement - but only God knows!

Thanks for listening and for always being there.

Email Laurie Lee