I am so happy to have found this site. I was in a serious car accident 1n March of this year. The accident happened in the evening while I was on my way to visit family & attend a friend's birthday party in Pennsylvania. I was travelling from Massachusetts, and was in New York State when it occured. I was travelling highway speed and was hit from behind by a tractor trailer. I did not even see it coming. It felt like I had been pushed on the playground; I immediately thought "Oh my God, someone just hit me, I need to get off the road". Of course that didn't happen in the way I anticipated. My car started to go to the right, then very quickly veered left into the passing lane. I realized then the seriousness of the accident, and honestly did not think that I would survive. I saw my car heading for a cement jersey barrier, and all I could do was ask God to stay with me. I remember repeating "stay with me God, I cannot do this alone". I did not lose consciousness, and remember the impact of the car hitting the cement & my head being thrown against the inside of the car. The airbags deployed (I had only front airbags, I was driving a 1997 passat sedan with a roof rack, which probably saved my neck from breaking). I felt the impact of that & thought that I had lost some teeth (only rattled them I guess). I kept thinking, "okay, I guess this is next"; but I have to say that I felt extremely protected. Not from death, but I felt that I was not alone. I remember the deep sadness I felt on an emotional level that I would not see my children again (I have 4, the youngest is 21), and I could actually remember at that moment the way their little heads smelled when they were first born. I felt such sadness for my 27 year old son, who has been estranged from me for several years. Then the car began to roll, and I believe it rolled several times, before landing on the roof and sliding across the highway back into the driving lane. The sound of the impact and the metal scraping along the highway, along with the sickening smell of burning metal and plastic is something I will never forget. When my car stopped, it was upside down in the driving lane, and I remember thinking, "okay, I'm alive, I need to get out of here". My body was in extreme shock, and I felt around in the dark to find my seatbelt. Thank God it came undone with no problem, and I slid down & tried to get out of the car. The window and windshield were both blown out, so I attempted to crawl out of my window. Tractor trailers were flying by, and I remember thinking of the irony of getting out of this ordeal only to be run over as I got out of the car. I then told myself to take a leap of faith, and crawled out. A couple had stopped behind me when they saw the accident; the woman was a nurse. The only obvious injury I had was a small cut on my hand from climbing onto the pavement over broken glass. The paramedics arrived soon after (it felt like a long time), as did a state trooper. They were all shocked that I had crawled out of the car alive. While I realize that I am truely blessed, I was not prepared for what was to come. I have a closed head injury, and the healing is intense and ongoing. We can tend to get so impatient with ourselves, especially us perfectionists. I had the most painful headaches everyday up until three weeks ago, and the pressure in my head is still there. Especially when I am tired. I took a week off of work because I could not stay awake, and kept thinking that I needed to get back to work! What gives with that? We live in such a fast paced society that we really don't have time to take to recover properly. I was extremely sick to my stomach, and could barely eat. yet I kept thinking "get back to work". I still have loud ringing in my ear (was my entire head for the first two months, now it is my left side), my vision is messed up, and I can't get through work (I do admissions work at a college) without extreme fatigue and trouble finding words. My body hurts, I forget things, and for awhile there I would do things like pick up the hairbrush and think about putting it in my mouth to brush!! I have had a few tantrums, which is not lilke me at all, and I am just now beginning to feel like I am in here at all. I felt for awhile like I was watching the world through someone else's eyes. The constant pain and recurring pain with exhaustion are tough to deal with. I am changed, and while I realize that all of this could be so much worse and that I am lucky to be alive, I am still changed. I try to find the positive in this; such as to prioritize what is truely important in my life. I used to work at least 6 days a week, now I have cut it down to 4 and a half or 5. A lot of people don't realize what I am going through because they think that I should be grateful to be alive, etc. And I am sure some people understood at first, and are getting impatient. Of course there are others who are supportive. My mom and I have not had a close relationship in the past, yet she has been there for me so much with this that it has been a true gift. I have done cognitive testing and do not have the results yet, but the neurologist (who also suffered a car accident in the past) told me that she was impressed with the results & I have an appointment to find out more. I am hoping that she can help me compensate for the areas of my brain that are not working so well. I have gone through eye movement therapy for post traumatic stress, pain management, chiropractic, and neurological help, as well as therapy. I would suggest to anyone who has/is going through this to keep working to find your best healing, and to learn what is important in your life and keep as much focus as you can there. Try to be patient with yourself (I know, this one is tough), and if you need to explain yourself because you are having a hard time finding a word, or explaining something, or being coherent enough, I say do it. With my potential students, I often tell them during an interview if I can't find a word or whatever "bear with me on this, I had a little accident awhile ago". I know, it is downplaying it in a way, almost amusing in another, but it usually works. I used to worry that they would think I was drunk when I was tired & my words slur and I sound like Katherine Hepburn, all wobbly. Find a good lawyer as well! Because my accident happened in New York state, which is no fault, the trucker, who stopped so far up the road I actually thought it was a hit and run, is saying that I was pulling into the passing lane because I saw traffic up ahead. Of course I did not see any traffic up ahead as I was not as high up as he was, and I was not pulling into his lane. He did not blow his horn before he hit me, and the impact is almost dead center in the rear of my car. My insurance company has been a joke. No help at all. That said, once you find a good lawyer, concentrate on your healing. I hope that my life will continue to improve, and I am so happy that I found this site. It is such a HUGE RELIEF to see that there are others who understand what I am going through. Thank you all so much, and good luck to everyone here. I will definitely visit again.

Lorraine