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Anyway, back to the accident. I don't know if I really remember this, or if I think I remember because my son told me, but just before the impact I looked to my left and knew I wasn't going to make it through the intersection. The guy was also speeding. I saw him when I stopped for the stop sign. I do remember that, and I KNOW I plenty of time to get across the street and then, all of a sudden, there he was!

The first thing I remember after the accident was my son calling me, I thought I was sleeping, I was so tired. I kept ignoring him and then all of a sudden I heard him crying and he said, "Is she dead?" I thought about then I should open my eyes and see what the heck was going on! It didn't even strike me as strange that a woman was laying on the ground next to my car to talk to me, or that I was laying on the inside of the roof of my car! She asked me if I could breathe all right (my son told me later I had been breathing funny, pausing too long between breaths or making some kind of gurgling sounds). I told her I could breathe fine, so she told me I had been in an accident and the paramedics were coming. I thought to myself that was pretty cool and that's the last thing I remember until I was in the ambulance and the paramedics were calling my name. Of course they couldn't get me out of the driver's door since it was smashed, but they had drug me out of the car and put me on a backboard and taped my head down and I don't remember any of this, at all.

My son only received a bump on his knee through the whole thing (thank God), so when a witness at the scene had a cellular phone my son called my sister (we are really close) and she came our right away. My sister passed the rescue squad on her way to the accident, not knowing it was me, she said when she saw my car upside down and the police car and fire truck she was shocked. Then the driver of the other car scared the bejeepers out of my mom - he told her, I think I killed your daughter! (Actually, I think my mom had it coming, we don't have a good relationship - never have!) Anyway...

The squad took me to a local trauma center. What a joke. I have never had a high opinion of that hopsital and I really don't now, I will never, every go there again. If I have a choice - leave me home! My son and the paramedics figured I was probably unconscious for about 10-15 minutes. In the squad I remember asking and asking for my daughter. For some reason I was sure she had been in the car with us and I was worried when I couldn't see her. (She was at home.) I kept asking the same questions over and over. I did remember my mother-in-law's telephone number and the paramedic called her from his cell phone and told her to meet us at the hospital. My husband was out of town with my father-in-law and she said she would try to get in touch with them.

The time at the hospital now (17 months later) is kind of fuzzy. I remember they did a CT of my abdomen and a urine test to check for blood, but that was all. No CT or my head or anything. I was pretty responsive by then, I guess. That, and the fact that my purse was in the car or my son had it or something, so they never got insurance information from me and didn't know I had any - what do you think? They also did a chest x-ray to see if I had any broken ribs because I was having a really hard time breathing, it was VERY painful.

The doctor came in about 45 minutes after I got there, kind of playfully punched me in my left arm and told me I was fine, I could go home. Nothing broken. No big deal. By this time, my husband and father-in-law were at the hospital and I was dismissed. They didn't even give me a wheelchair to get from one end of the facility from another. This is a major teaching hospital/university and has a BIG campus. I still had a terrible time breathing and could barely move my left arm. The top of my head felt like it was on fire (someone... no one saw who), undid my seatbelt after the accident and dropped me on my head and the back of my neck. I had been hanging upside down in the driver's seat. The first time I came to in the car I was laying on the inside of the roof on the passenger side.

The nurse told my daughter (15) not to let me sleep when we got home and gave us a head injury sheet. Now, I still can't figure out why, if they were concerned about head injury, didn't they do a CT or something? Not even simple mental status tests. The paramedics did, and I couldn't for the life of me remember what day it was and I thought it was November (I had a coat on, figured it was winter). Fortunately, no one had to keep me awake - I couldn't sleep. I didn't fall asleep until about 3 a.m. the morning after the accident. Couldn't sleep in my bed, it was a waterbed and it hurt my back and shoulder to lay down flat, so I slept (dozed) propped up on pillows on the couch.

The next day I was so dizzy I could hardly stand up, so I went to see my private doctor. He didn't have time to see me, so he had me see his physician's assistant. Okay, fine, she thinks I should have a CT or an MRI - okay, fine. Where do I end up? the same hospital I was at the day before! It was the only place that could do the CT that day. So, off we went, got to the hospital, had a HUGE foul-up over my appointment, what was I there for, who sent me, why did I need a CT, etc., then I sat in the waiting room for 2 hours. Finally, when my pain meds wore off and I couldn't stand sitting upright I left, enough is enough.

I finally did have a CT 10 days after the accident at another hospital when my doctor found out I never had one at the first appointment. Of course, it didn't show any damage.

After about two weeks of my back, shoulder and neck hurting I went to another hosptial for a bone scan. Broken ribs and a broken scapula. I am forever in debt to them for finding out I wasn't losing my mind - in the meantime I'd like to go back to the first hospital and give them a piece of my mind, but I don't have any to spare!

Well, fast forward a year. I've been telling my doctor since the accident that my neck hurts and I've been having headaches. Finally in March of this year he told me it couldn't be because of the accident. The accident was a year ago (silly me) I wouldn't still be having symptoms. Probably stress. Yeah, from dealing with idiots like him. Finally I went to a spine doctor who did an MRI - herniated disk. Thanks, I needed that. But at least maybe it will help in my lawsuit. Who knows?

I guess I'm having the "little" annoyances too. Memory loss (I can't remember phone numbers or names to save my life), temper problems (I've always had the notorius redhead temper, but it's much worse now), no patience, lack of motivation, lack of everything actually. I'd be happy if I was just left alone - make social interaction pretty difficult. I hate my job, which I used to love, but I just don't want to be there. I have used all my vacation and sick leave just because I don't want to be there. I know my husband is really frustated, but not nearly as bad I am! I don't know how this whole thing is going to end up, I guess I'll just have to take it one day at a time, like everybody else!

Is it just me or did anyone else get frustrated just writing their stories. I was in a pretty good mood when I started out!

I'm really grateful I found the TBI site, it has helped me a lot, even though I don't have much time (or motivation) to look all the time. You guys and gals are an inspiration to me!

Thanks for everything!

(e-mail kurtz@tconl.com)