CANVAS OF LIFE - Blessings in Disguise

Life showers upon us at times trials that within themselves
Cause events to enrich our lives in ways
We would have not otherwise experienced.

I was blessed with three gifted children:

Janice Blu, 31(eldest) artist, TBI survivor MVA 12/4/97,
Sarah, 16, artist and writer,
Daniel 13, creative in the arts of technology and academically.

All three have played instruments as many as 5 different instruments by ear as Daniel has.

I too played the violin in an orchestra at a young age,
Began my art pieces in pencils and began writings then,
Though my arts had lain dormant
all this time, till May 2001,
I kept my love of the arts within me, as I saw them in my children.

Three jewels of enlightenment,
Gifted in the arts and with such vigor in their lives
Now I have come to know that their eccentricity and their paths

Prepared me for what changed our perspectives
On that winter night Thursday December 4, 1997, 7:00 pm.
Parsons, Kansas where Blu incurred her traumatic brain injury by automobile accident.

Ever evolving events continue to face us
The fact that we have survived is the very essence of my being.
Determination and perseverance the basis of accepting my

Challenges:
As if it was not enough for one of my offspring to suffer a disabilitating tragedy,

Currently my youngest, Daniel, my red head and only son is facing another hurdle,
His own adversity that may leave him with permanent disabilities with his spine due to congenital scoliosis so severe that with his growth spurt, there is no other alternative but do aggressive surgery.

Two siblings that saw in silence their 'shining star' Blu big sis'
Struggle to go beyond what her prognosis had been determined is my hope that they recall to mind in their time of need.

A prognosis for their sister Janice Blu, was determined by young fresh out of school therapists, yet the only exposure to tbi were their textbooks, not experience with long term TBI, but their recommendations to the doctors was the basis of conclusive analysis and prognosis for Janice Blu.

Their words in the discharge papers seemed to of have sealed Blu's Fate with being denied rehabilitation therapies she so badly needed from the onset. To date they keep saying the 'system' does not cover rehab therapies for an extended period, for survivors of TBI that are so far along post their initial 3-6 months of recovery!

The spirit within our soul
That is the energy that somehow as artists,
Ignited within us, the courage to embark in our journey of survival.

The tremendous struggles and strain we faced, is now the Energy, The Hope, the Strength to know that no matter what we face, as Long as One person believes in us, we can climb mountains and belief that there must exist a Creator that will give us the needed strength to endure.

Our journey was not complete though,
To have been blessed with such children, gifted not only artistically but academically as well, one cannot expect to receive only blessings but we too must accept adversities and to continue to nurture the gifts bestowed upon us.

Our third event was one that would suddenly change the atmosphere surrounding our lives.

The very fact that I am here sharing with you my realities I have faced along with my children some no doubt would not believe it could happen to one family in a lifetime.

My jewels of delight, my children,
Who would have imagined such young minds and souls would be facing such lifetime events that were out of their control In a series of events that seemed not to subside, but to intensify.

Yet, the gift in them, the beauty of their creativity as I too have re-discovered within myself, is the source that has helped us see Richness of Life, the Beauty of Understanding, the Courage to Venture in paths some think cannot be walked on or found.

My younger daughter Sarah, the artist trained by Blu,
At age 2, to understand art also glows in her own space,

Amidst it all, the event of 12/4/97 with her older sister whom she so loved dearly and looked up to,

Sarah experienced turmoil as if a tempest have swallowed her soul, yet the characteristics of what had been already defined in her persona, the core of her continued existence despite all odds is her beauty.

Events became like thin threads we wove in our canvas, four artists who somehow hang on to those thin threads that has produced An intricate woven art piece that reveals the depth within our souls by tears and trials, yet strengthened our resolve to live on.

Who would have expected next, that somehow what many refer to as 'burn out' to caregivers, was the very thing that revealed what I had not known about my own survival.

Stress they said was the source that revealed long sought understanding of internal struggles through out my life.

An MRI and an MRA, revealed abnormalities in my own brain that I never knew were there till the overwhelming events in my own world May 2001, could no longer be ignored or try to sustain myself without affecting me.

MRI findings:
A-left posterior communicating artery in the Circle of Willis never developed in my brain, after 49 years I had no idea.

MRA findings:
B-12 white small masses some 1cm in diameter, through out my brain found due to suddenly one night in early May 2001, I felt the onset of what I had come to know as symptoms of a brain activity that others had experiences with acquired brain injury.

Despite these finding, I have been told that the abnormalities are "normal" not to worry, after all I did not suffered traumatic brain injury, like my daughter did, is what has been told to me.

I did not accept that my daughter was "non-congnitive abilities,level 3" so upon her release back on 5/13/98, her only therapy has been her home along with all those that answered questions for me and helped to keep on trying to find sources that could help my daughter.

So it is my resolve to continue to do the best I can, resolving to be her voice and to advocate for TBI/ABI and all those that cannot express themselves or do not have someone to speak on their behalf.

Continuing my quest to seek programs and facilities that will go beyond the status quo as a life if touched by one soul that expresses kindness can in itself water many.

Oh the mental challenges, one could not endure had we not known laughter and had I not found a most unique site: www.tbihome.org, where survivors, caregivers, family and friends find support and understanding and yes critical information about medical findings, resources, facilities all within our reach without having to succumb to despair.

Oh but what was and is to this day so mind boggling is what so many other survivors of TBI/ABI experience.

We have the symptoms, we have the evidence, but somehow, in medical terms they are labeled 'imaginary' and time to prescribe "happy pills" to ward of depression, by those not experienced with tbi/bi, till we land up in ER time and again, as I did myself, somehow after a while we will find caring staff and doctors.

Now I have finally found a team of caring doctors helping not only myself but my children. It is a challenge to have so many doctors and appointments to keep track of but at least I have been blessed by so many that gave of themselves to help me understand TBI/ABI and to continue in our path of surviving.

Despite so called 'hidden abnormalities' in our brain we survived. For me it was going on half a century that I lived with as the neurologist explained:

'your brain as you know by now with your own daughter's brain injury, just re-routed itself to make up for what was not developed'.

Is this a fairy tale? Others have similar tales and no they are not imaginary, they are the product of individuals that survive against all odds.

Our story shares how the arts were the fiber that created

"Canvas of Life", my life

"Contradiction A Path not Envisioned" words penned by Janice Blu.

Jewels whose luster glows despite the adversities are what my Children are to me, who have faced and will continue to face. Ever evolving events that I hope will enrich their soul as it has mine,

CANVAS OF LIFE - Blessings in Disguise

Pearl,
Copyright: Pearl, M.S.
3/10/02

Visual Arts by my family and other survivors of TBI/ABI