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On that day I went through a MRI, EEG, Echocardiogram, and a scan of the corroded arteries. I knew something was wrong after the MRI. When we were walking back upstairs the Tech. asked me when I would be seeing my Dr. again. I told him and he said I really cant tell you anything, but maybe you should give him a call the day after tomorrow. The next night at 7:30 the nurse from my Dr.'s office called me to tell me to be in the office at 8:30 the next morning that they had got my MRI back and he needed to talk to me about them.

My heart dropped. I didn't know what to do. I just sat there crying. The next day I will never forget. It was snowing so hard. You could hardly see to drive. If it had been for anything else I would have canceled. Visibility was about 2 ft. in front of you. We had a 35 min. drive to my Neurologist and it took an hour because the weather was so bad but I had to hear what he was going to say.

My mom had met my husband and I there. We went in. I was so nervous. My heart dropped again when they came and called my name. We went back to one of the rooms and was waiting for the Dr. When the door opened 3 people came in and I nearly fell of the bench. They don't send 3 people in to tell you you are fine.

He said they had found something in my MRI. They were not sure but that it looked like a tumor. I don't remember much after that. My husband and mom did the rest of the talking. I just sat there nodding my head. We scheduled an appt. with a Neurosurgeon in 3 days.

They gave me copies of the MRI and the MRI report to take with me to see the surgeon and I went to my moms house. After reading the report and looking up words in this big long report. I deciphered that what it said was that they found a 3 cm lesion. Probably Astrocytoma Glilcoma. It said that the diagnosis could include encephalyits or something else but that it was much less likely. So basically what the paper said was that I had a tumor. At that point I became numb.

The next three days were the longest. Waiting to see the surgeon. A million things were going through my mind. I didn't sleep. I didn't eat. The day came and we were on our way. We had a hour drive to his office and the whole way there I just kept thinking. I can't believe we are doing this. When we got there and was setting in his office all I could think was I can't believe that I am here.

We went in and talked with him. He looked at the MRI. and said that he thought I needed a biopsy. That was scheduled in 2 weeks. That day I was to go get a second MRI and come to his office. When I got to his office he said that he thought that it looked just a little smaller. Good news. The surgery was canceled and I was to see him again in 6 weeks.

The next few weeks were long. My vision slowly came back almost to normal. but I began having seizures. I was started on dilantin and it took several weeks to get it to where the seizures were controlled. I still have them just not as often.

In six weeks we went back again and again he said that maybe it was a little smaller and surgery was put off again for another six weeks. When I went back there had been no change but he still did not feel that a biopsy was necessary at that time. I was to see him again in 12. This all went on most of this year. MRI's showed it to be no bigger but no smaller.

At my appt in November he said the same thing. No bigger. No smaller. After consulting with other Dr.s he told me that it was time for a biopsy.

The thought of having a hole drilled in my head was almost more than I could take. I was angry sad frustrated. The surgery was on December 3rd and I went through the most horrifying thing in my life. It took 2 hours but before knew it it was over. Then came the waiting to see what it was. And yet another dead end. The pathologist kept the biopsy for 2 1/2 days and found nothing. Some abnormal cells but nothing to say anything definite. I don't know which was worse. Hearing that I had a tumor or having nine holes in my had and still having no answers. My surgeon keeps telling me this is good news. If it were something to bad chances are it would have shown up. But how do we know that if they can't tell me what it is. So I have something in my head that causes seizures, vision loss, memory loss,(which could also be an affect of the high dose of dilantin). Im run down all the time. Always so tired. but that is something that I am learning to live with. Slowly. I have had a lot of support from my family and friedns and that has helped.

And I am still here. I still function. Not as well as I used to but maybe a little better than before. and now I have all my friends at TBI to talk to. Someone to tell me I'm not alone. That there are many other people who have been there. Who have felt the anger, the frustration. The depression. People who were normal and one day had their lives turned upside down but are here as friends to tell their story. and to get help but at the same time let others know your not alone. Many cards and letters were sent to me before my surgery and someone here said something that has stuck with me. I think of it all the time. He said not to worry. We are a group of special people. We are survivors. And that we are. So I will deal with it one day at a time. Not worry about what the next day will bring. Just live in today and be thankful that i have it.