I struggled for many years raising three boys on my own, living on welfare and having nothing. Constantly moving around and never having a sense of security. After many years of starting college, my RN degree, dropping out due to childbirth, and having spent my time at odd jobs i decided to follow my heart. Someone made a comment that started me on that journey, "your nothing but a welfare momma", and I proceeded to prove them wrong.

I had had training with the Fire Depts. in program called ECA- Emergency Care Attendant. I had had experience with working with ill people in their homes and felt confident to do nursing.... I would like to tell why I felt my heart was there also. I was 17 when i had my first child out of wedlock. I can remember the day i finally wound up at hospital and there were so many things proceeding that from going to bad hospital- what a nightmare, some of you locals may know of Ben Taub(huh mec??)- to driving a long distance to good one in Galveston. I had no money and no insurance. I finally had my blessed event or so I thought was gonna be, at the University Of Texas Medical Branch-John Sealy Hospital.

After the delivery and my darling son was born( who would have thought he'd be a teenager driving me nuts) and I was mesmerized... The nurse there put him on my tummy and after only touching his tiny fingers for what seemed a few tender seconds the nightmare of my life began. All I knew at the time was this roaring peircing pain started and everyone started flying. It was like watching a movie in slow motion. There were two paramedics there doing their training for whatever and they were initiated into action. I remember needles being slammed into my thighs, the paramedics each had IV bags and were squeezing them into me. All I knew was it was hurting, the pressure in my veins. I then passed out. I was told it is called Hemorratic Shock. I was bleeding to death literally. When I awoke briefly I started screaming that doctor was hurting me( i had him by the throat), not knowing he was doing D&C with gauze wrapped around hand. I don't mean to gross you out but need you to understand why I passed out second time. The doctor was white as a sheet and I could hear someone on phone telling them to put OR team on standby.

When I awoke the next time I was packed in ice from my waist down and there was a nurse on top of gurney with her fists in my lower stomach pushing and rubbing in circles. I was taken to their ICU which was on gurney right beside nurses station. They has nurses and student doctors rotate in 20 minute shifts for I dont know how long. I awoke around three days later and could'nt move anything but my hand. I remember Dr.Zarzour coming in and me crying. He said I took 5 years off his life. I had bled due to not enough of hormone I'll call PIT. for short. I was finally taken to the regular floor and had to have blood transfusions. When on the regular floor I had a really special roommate. The nurses there were inattentive and I had the need to facilitate. IV's hangin and they said after call button I need to get up and no pan. No one was there to help me so I laid there for two hours. My roomie came to my rescue. She was one of those women who has baby and jumps up for coke and cigarette. Amazing. So she got me there and it took over twenty minutes to do it. Mind you its only 5 ft away from bed. I'd been on back for days and was extremely weak. During all of this commotion I had one nurse who was the finest nurse I ever met. She would come in and rub my back, washed me very tenderly as I was so sore and weak. She powdered me and combed my hair. Made me feel human, at least partly, and comforted. As I watched her there was something that clicked inside of me. Something that felt so grateful and I said I wanna be like her. I want to work with others and repay the kindness she gave me ten fold. I want others to feel the comfort I had been given.

There were many other journeys I went on b4 I got to nursing. I very slowly climbed the ladder and tested to re-enter nursing school and was to start in the fall of 1992. I never made it there. I was working as nurse aide for an agency. They sent me to a facility called New Medico. I worked off and on there on their Head Trauma unit, North Wing. There were varying types of patients from 1-6 level coma to rehab clients. I was working on the Behavior Team that day I got hurt. The shift was nightmare to start as they were extremely short. We had add ons or "pick ups" as they say on unit. My patient ratio went up to around 15. I only lost a couple when another aide was called in. We were cutting back on patient care and I could tell you horror stories about that place. So, I had one patient named Paula. She was very young girl, around 19-20, and had fried her brain on cocaine from what little details I had gotten. She was very beautiful girl and I always felt sorry for her. Over a 9 mo. span of going there off and on I only had Paula as my patient 8-9 times. I wasn't trained to deal with behavioral patients and this was all new to me. There were no records available to me. I had to make judgements to the best of my ability in dealing with her. She would toss her hair around, bite her hands, "squalk" as she could'nt speak. I was thinking this is the normal routine for Paula. Well, I hadn't been to facility for around two weeks and after the morning I described b4 went to work doin my best. It was after lunch when I had to put Paula in bed for her "down time" and did it by myself. I had done it b4 alone as so had alot of other aides. I had done brief change and then was dressing her so she could sleep.

The details fade over the years now with the stress of two major trials but, that is when Paula kicked me. Dressing her. I remember hearing the bones crack. I fell backwards into her chair and things seemed a little black. I only thought of her safety so checked rails to be in position. I told other aide outside my door that Paula had just broken my nose. (this is one of those times I think when did I think I was sane enough to have a kid. tryin to write this and always interupted. geesshh) Anyway back to my story, she told me to go write it up and tell supervisor. Boy was that stupid of me. I told Mary Ellen and she ask me if I knew Paula had had a behavior change? I said NOOO! was'nt on report. Nothing on sheet about her. Well, Dr. so and so had changed her meds. I was starting to get upset. I called hospital and they said only ice and Tylenol there so, why bother?? I had to finish shift and was scheduled for next one. Thing that I could'nt get was the terrible headache and they runny nose. I thought sinuses. Found out later was tear in brain lining. So, I took 3000mg. Tylenol and finished working. Face was already bruising and swelling. I awoke next am. to not able to breathe from nose. That is where my life started to unfold. I was taken to ER and xrayed. Broken nose? Yup. Well, i'm sent to plastic surgeon to repair nose. Wound up doin a week IV treatment for all the steriods i'd been pumped full of. Then during all this I had noticed sumthin is wrong here in Disney Land as I say. I found myself unable to remember things, blacking out, falling and all kinds of weird stuff. So, the plasto sends me to Neurologist. Now if I could describe a doctor who is very egotistical and negligent it would be him. Im serious. To see him is to know someone totally in luv with himself.

He diagnosis is that I have positional vertigo. Meanwhile comp is putting me throught the wringer. Unable to work doc says. This continued for around 2-3 years. Im still goin to see doc and complainin of all this. His recommendation?? "Live with it". In 1995, I had remarried and took hubby to appt. with me. I'd always gone alone, my trusting soul of medical feild, and gotten treated very rudely. All of a sudden with hubby sittin in room he decides to take me seriously. Orders all these tests to be done. MRI, 24 HR. EEG and such.

By then I'm madder than a wet hen so I was lookin for doctor in Pittsburgh. I located one after sitting on phone being transfered between where I live and somewhere in Europe. Joking. I was given choice on phone between the head doctor who has personality of wooden board or someone with goofy nature is only way I know to say it. I wasn't in mood to be goofy so went with Dr. H Jordon Garber. I wanted someone to take me seriously and tell me why I felt like I was loosin my mind. Well, it was lost.

I went in to see Dr. Garber and the only thing I can say was at first I wanted to tell him to take flying leap. Very bland wasnt the word for it. But, he was bein serious and took me serious. He told me what he thought my problem was and said wanted to wait for test results from what I'd had done. I walked out of there and called him every name I could remember. Three days later the nut, doctor here calls and wants me in his office. I have seizures he says??? What?? So, I go in and tell Dr. Garbor was right. I have changed all my care over to Dr. Garbor and won't see anyone else. He hit every point on nose and hadn't seen tests. He told me the truth and expained my injuries in terms I could grasp. He told me that the first three years after TBI is when brain does most of the healing. He saw me 4 years post. There wasnothing he could do except help me to deal with what I had left.

The depression that followed I wont bother with. I have been learning more and more about TBI and can't say I'm at peace with myself. It is a daily struggle to maintain my peace of mind. I have been through hell with comp, lost the trial due to others lies and deceit, have lost my sense of who I am. I am unable to work regular job, play with my kids like I used to and have spent alot of time rying to understand what I have become. I see a very good Neuropsychologist in Pittsburgh who has been the paste of my being. He has been helping me to find me again. All I know is I have worked years in the medical feild and have never seen two greater doctors. Dr. Garbor has shown me another side of himself. Very caring in helping walk patient down hall and goin guns blazin to help me deal with comp for my medicine. I highly recommend then to anyone.

There is so much more i could tell you but, suffice that I hurt in my heart as I was that great nurse a I'd dreamed of being. I spent countless hours not having lunch so someone could have nails done, teeth brushed, or just the littles to feel human again. I am wondering when am I gonna feel that again too.

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