This story is not told from memory but scrapped together by listening to many peoples stories. I remember nothing from a week before the accident to more than a month after. I learned the most during the trial the state brought against me two years later.

It was May 29, 1982, and I was celebrating the high school graduation of my sister at one high school and also my best friends sister was having a party for her graduation at a nearby school.

First I attended my sisters graduation and later in the day I drove to a small town to attend the party of my best friends sister. Her parents threw a very nice party with lots of food and unfortunately alcohol.

Towards evening the keg of beer was still full and we decided to take the party and move it to my parents house 10 or 15 miles away. My best friend put the keg in the back of his 4x4 pickup truck. His sister rode with me because she liked to ride in my trans. am with the t tops off.

Due to reasons I will not go into, I lost control of the car on the Highway and slammed sideways into a telephone pole. She was killed at the scene due to massive head injuries.

I was trapped inside with near fatal injuries for nearly an hour while rescue workers used the jaws of life to extract me.

During the first 24 hours I had to be brought back from death more than a half dozen times.

Two weeks later I started to become aware of my situation. But I was confused and afraid because I tried to ask for help however I could not talk or move any of my body. There were tubes and wires running from every orifice and IV's all over.

My head injury was not as well understood as it would be today and some of the symptoms may have been from the stroke or from nerve damage.

The death of my dear friend was kept from me until the doctors thought I was strong enough to take the news.

I felt so guilty for living that from that moment on I hated myself. Later I made many attempts to take my own life. All it did was land me in locked wards in psychiatric hospitals

Physical therapy for the next 7 years made me able to walk with the aid of a cane, and I also relearned to read, write, and talk.

The state of Colorado tried me for criminally negligent homicide and I was found guilty. I spent 30 days in jail and did 100 hours of community service. I will never know what really happened but no matter I live with the guilt and chronic pain will never let me forgive myself.

My battle with mental illness has been a major problem for the past 15 years.

Email Tony