MY TRAUMATIC BRAIN INJURY   Hemorrhagic Stroke   
 
On September 14, 2005, I suffered a dual brain aneurysm and subarachnoid hemorrhage
(a  hemorrhagic stroke ; my neurosurgeon referred to it as a  massive bleed. ) As
far as I know, that was my official diagnosis in layman s terms. The  cause  or 
causes  of this hemorrhage are not specifically known, but my prior life (see story
of my alcoholism and recovery) had a lot to do with it. I also believe I was
pre-disposed to this sort of TBI: my father had a stroke; I suffered a major skull
fracture in 1962 that was never really acknowledged as TBI. In those days, no one
knew (or cared about) the comprehensive effects   emotional, physical, and spiritual
- of serious head injuries.  
 
On the date of the massive bleed, I was taking a compressed (one-month) night class
and researching a paper on the writings of Amos Oz, a well-known Israeli writer. I
was employed by a large public agency as a payroll and personnel specialist. I was
assigned to a work site that I really loved because I felt and saw that I could make
a difference in people s lives. This is some of the most rewarding activities people
can be involved in   helping others with no thought of a return, no conditions, no
expectations. This is more precious to me than any money, prestige, position or
material enrichment. It was no small wonder that I was willing to devote
considerable overtime and free time to this position. Typically, my days consisted
of at least ten hours of work and whatever else I could pack into a 24-hour period;
I was burning my proverbial candle at every available end.  
 
THE LIGHTNING BOLT:  
On the night of September 14, 2005, I came home and started to cook dinner. I
reached under the stove for a pan and was  hit  with severe dizziness, kind of like
the feeling prior to fainting; I said,  oh my God!  and blacked out. In my
unconsciousness, I  felt  as if my head had been thrust into a bucket of ice water,
and I  saw  (brain hallucination / vision?) dark red blood flooding before my eyes. 

 
Some time later, I returned to consciousness on the kitchen floor with EMT personnel
all over me trying to get me onto a gurney. I was drenched in sweat; I had no
feeling from my chest down; I could barely speak; I could not move any part of my
body no matter how hard I tried; I had no sensation from the chest down.  
 
EMT took me by ambulance to the local trauma center (UCD Medical Center,
Sacramento), and miraculously I did not have to wait to be seen. They took me right
into the hospital. That is the last of my memory of that night and of my memory
until about January 2006, a period of approximately four months.   
 
At the hospital, I underwent two brain surgeries. The first surgery was for clipping
of the ruptured aneurysms. Next, the doctors installed a shunt to remove blood and
cerebral-spinal fluid from the inside of my skull. The brain treats  free  blood
inside the brain cavity as a foreign substance; it kills brain cells and must be
removed to prevent death.  
 
I remained in Neuro ICU for about three weeks, part of which time I was comatose.
After ICU, I moved to the neuro "floor" and the hospital eventually discharged me in
October 2005. I do not remember anything (or very, very little) from September 14,
2005 up to about New Years 2006. This must have been Divine, merciful intervention
since I was delirious and in extreme pain for quite some time.  
  
After a few months at home and not aware of what was going on (amnesia & sequencing
issues), I began in-home rehabilitation; the areas of focus were physical rehab,
speech and cognitive rehab (executive functioning), and occupational therapy.
Following in-home rehab, I obtained a driver s license recertification and was able
to drive myself to the main hospital for rehabilitation.  
 
I attempted to return to work, at first part-time and then full time. That was a
mistake; I went to full time out of fear that my job would be lost if I did not
return. This is a testament to the uniqueness of brain injuries and brain injured
people; we bravely go back  out there  and try to do life, often without proper
foundation and support. I crashed and burned in that pursuit. Full time work in my
occupation (Payroll & Personnel Specialist) did not work out. The stress drove my
blood pressure and dizzy spells "through the roof." I also suffered (and continue to
suffer) major memory and sequencing deficits.  
  
It is difficult getting non-survivors (aka  normies ,  civilians ,  earth people )
to understand the gravity of TBI. Even professionals are at a loss most of the time.
My neurosurgeon told me that it takes about a year or two for the brain to heal
following surgery.  
  
Much has changed because of my TBI. Prior to the massive bleed, I was a 110%, in
your face, Type A personality. I was a highly skilled specialist with considerable
historical and institutional perspective on my employer s operations and its
personnel. The TBI definitely slowed me down and continues to cause me to see what
the important things are in life; I try not to waste my limited energies and
attention span on trivialities. The important parts of my life include the undying
love and support of my wife (my primary caregiver), my family, and those other
TBIers I have  met  on the message boards.  
 
I have pretty much accepted that my life will never be the same as it was prior to
the hemorrhage and that is OK! Those around me (professionals included) need to
accept that fact too. If you are a TBIer stand up for yourself or find someone who
will, a TBI  advocate  or a group that advocates on behalf of the brain injured. God
Bless you in your quest. I would love to hear from you; your comments are welcome.  

Email Walter