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Will
Well where do I start. My names Will Im 22, male and from York in the UK. Well I used to do a lot and I mean a lot of drugs. Didnt realise how much I was into them until it was too late. Anyway I started to get a bit paranoid and decided to give them up and do something with my life. Like go to ollege and stuff. When I gave them up I lost my whole personality. I coiuldnt make people laugh anymore. I could do anythng. Didnt know what was going on. Being scared all the time. and it just seemed that everyone was against me. I decided to go live with my Dad (I was fstered so I dont realy have a relationship with him but thought he would help me give up drugs) well he was on holiday so now I was homless. anyway on the way back to my friends I met this guy who said there was a room at one of his friends places. well since I was homless and I didnt know whee else to go and I need somewhere to give up drugs I decided to move there. well it was all good apart from me being paranoid like hell and nervous. but still seemed like poele where against me. well I visited my friends a few times and every time I visited they wee still doing drugs and I found it so hard to be around them. Wellone night I was in bed and I was seeing poele, hearing them talking about me. they wee nicking my stuff out of the window. well it all got soo much I couldnt handle things and took an overdose. Well I took 60nitol. thinking they were sleeping tablets. Well I new like 10mins later that I was goingto have some kind of brain damage. The pain in my head was unbearable. Paramedics had to carry me into the ambulence and I was ammited to a physiactric ospital. This was like when I was 20. Well they didnt even pump my stomach or give me any help. I just stayed in my rom for a week and ended up walking out. I went back to where I ued to live with all my old friends. They were all still into drugs and I didnt want to be arounf a lot of them I just wante to lock myself a way and curl up and die. But the lad I was staying with told me he would kick me out if I didnt get a job. So I got a job serving customers ion a shop. Man was that hectic. Well after a bout 2 months of living like that sleeping on his sofa I couldnt hadle the headaches and the paranoia so i left and moved to York. When I got to York I stayed in a hostel for a while. Christ it was like a living hell. I tried sooo hard to ge thelp but I was just passed onto the next person, well thats what it seemed like. I didnt want to be around anyone. just felt like everyone was staring at me. I was sweating all the time and the heat was unbearable.couldnt sleep. didnt know what to talk about. hearing peple takl about me. having a go at people for no reasn because I though they were trying to mess my head up. Well eventually I got my own flat . Where I am now and havebeen living here for about 2 years. just leaving to get food and money. well I cant imagine what my neighbours must think of me. I hate going out, but it is getting better. Its like everyones staring at e. Im different, and I dont know where to look, cant let my mnd wonder anymore. watching TV and reading book is hell. and the worst thing is Im scared I wont be able to have feelings again. I talk to this girl in the states who is a great comfort and Ive told her about my situation but I doint think I couldever meet her. would be soo scared of what she would think. before all this I had soo many freidsn and was soo popular. I cant cope facing any of my friends. and when i see peole with brain damage Im like `do I look like that?`Well that`s about it I think. i know Im still in denial still but its hard, and making friends is soo difficult. Well almost impossible I think. and just doing normal things like shopping and walking around is hard. well thats it. where do I stand now. just trying to cope and hopefully enjoy life again.Email Will
